The  2009-10 NBA regular season is here!  A season of new hopes and  players will soon be here.  But on the social scene in Dallas, “singles season’’ never ends.   In preparation for the new season of after-game bars, clubs, see and be seen sports douchebaggery, I recently roamed the streets of Dallas after the Mav’s home opener, checking out various nightspots while contemplating what will hopefully be a great Mavs season. I wandered about, contemplating how we would make the playoffs, play deep in, and hopefully challenge again for that elusive Larry O’Brien NBA Championship Trophy.

At the same time, I was stunned by a similarity between singles scene as the NBA:

Life imitates art. Basketball imitates life. Especially in social interactions.

I saw all kinds (as I often do), not all of them enviable kinds. There were the 30K Millionaires, the Cougars, the GoldDiggers and the MackDaddy D-bags, and I saw all kinds of similarities between the social interactions I witnessed out on the singles scene and the great game of hoops.

Let’s lace up those high-tops for a walk onto the hardwood court of Dallas (and note that I believe it’s largely the same for any big-city nightlife where a basketball season is played out). There are no points for second place. The winners hit nothing but net while the losers head home alone and whine the next morning about how they gave their best. The only way you can only get a “clear path” to the basket” view of all this is if you are living outside the 3-point line.

To watch this game – and to maybe be more than a baseline season-ticket-holder — I had to re-learn all I knew about basketball and how it applied to the nightlife scene. Once I had finished learning the rules and different offensive (sometimes very offensive!) and defensive sets, a night out in Dallas became more entertaining than watching the NBA Finals.

Well, almost

In order to see what I saw and know what I know you have to have a basic understanding of basketball “terminology” as it applies to both the NBA and the nightclub scene. Once you have this understanding you will never look at a bar or nightclub in the same light. Here are some of the terms you need to understand:

“Palming”: The act of adjusting oneself in a nightclub right in front of your buddy/wingman and the hot girl you are talking to. This is a change in possession foul and you must now transfer possession of the hot girl to your buddy.

“Slam-dunk”: The last drunk girl in the bar at 2 a.m.

“Full Court Press’’: Within 15 minutes of meeting a girl in a bar you have given her your phone number, certified financial statement, recent HIV test and two round-trip tickets to Vegas for the next day. You’ve even sent flowers sent to the girl … while still in the bar.

“Flagrant Foul”: At the very moment the hottest girl in the bar is handing you her telephone number, your best buddy, say, picks his nose. This is a two-shot foul. You retain possession. Your buddy must buy two shots of any drink you choose for you and any girl you want the rest of the night.

“Double-Double”: You figure it out…

“Triple Double”: U DA MAN!

“Clear Path Foul:’’ You picked up the hottest girl in the club. She has told you how much she wants you. You are on your way back to your place. She pukes all over your car.

“Fast Break”: You’ve just arrived, you have not even valeted the car yet and your buddy is coming out of the nightclub, hot girl on his arm.

“Traveling”: You live in Dallas. She lives in Fort Worth. This is a change-of-possession foul – but only if your buddy doesn’t care where she lives.

“24-Second Violation’’: You meet a hot girl. You spend the first 25 seconds talking about your millions in the bank, new Maserati, your listing on the Forbes 400 and your Gulfstream while your three roommates look on. This is also known as a “30K Millionaire Violation.” It is a turnover – she turns herself over to the next guy in the bar who actually owns a Maserati or Gulfstream.

“Double Dribble”: You forget to tie your shoes. Just as you are about to hand your girl her drink, you trip and spill both drinks on her. This is a change-in-possession foul as your buddy because your buddy uses it against you. She agrees and goes home with him.

“Back-Court Violation”: Your posse is in the club. You have drink in hand when you realize your driver was denied entrance because he wore tennis shoes, thus violating the dress-to-impress code.

“Alley-Oop”: Your buddy generously hands off to you that last drunk girl in the bar at 2 am. You are hoping to convert to a “slam dunk.’’

“Moving Screen”: Your buddy is not getting near that girl. She is going home with you!

“Blocking Foul”: Just as the hottest girl in the club is handing you her phone number … this is gonna be good. … your buddy approaches and and is nice enough to report that he found your wedding ring on the floor.

“Offensive Foul”: You had Italian for dinner. You’re about to kiss your girl goodnight — on the cheek, because you’re a gentleman — when you burp just a little. Is that a piece of spaghetti that’s landed on her cheek? Another turnover. To anybody. As long as it’s not you.

“Technical Foul”: She told you she was 21 when you bought her a drink. This is an ejection. A one-game suspension. And a timeout. … maybe to be spent in a 4×6 with bars.

“Offensive Rebound”: It is not your fault your buddy can’t close.

“Tip Off”: You spy something on her neck. It is suspicious. It appears that the attractive woman you are looking at has an Adam’s Apple.’’

“Two-Minute Warning”: It’s last call. You struck out. Your designated driver has left and you have no cab fare. Time for more “traveling.’’ Because you’re walking home.

There’s the rules of the game. And unlike the NBA regular season, which must come to again, in the nightlife scene, every weekend brings a new season!

Brian Cuban is a Dallas-based attorney who serves as the Executive Director of the Mark Cuban Foundation and is currently administering The Fallen Patriot Fund. He blogs at The Cuban Revolution and can also be contacted and followed at Facebook.

I originally wrote this piece for Mike Fisher and DallasBasketball.com.  Thanks to Fish for letting me republish it on my blog. Please be sure to check it out for Mavs news and great sports  insights from Fish!

©2009 Brian Cuban

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Scanning tweets of my followers and the wall posts of my Facebook friends can be a pretty good gauge of what people are doing for fun.  It is also a great look at the dynamics, quirks and faux pas of  “dating 2.0″  relationships.

Shitty dates, no-show dates, cheapskate dates, text and twitter booty-calls, tweet-up hookups, late night iPhone Bumps, and relationship status updates that change faster than Lindsey Lohan’s religion and sexual orientation.  People hook-up and break-up without putting down their iPhones or  logging off of their Twitter or Facebook account.

Doesn’t this  pretty much sum up Generation Y relationships?   For much of my Baby Boomer dating  life we did not have cell phones or internet.  I had to ask for a home number.   I took the risk of nosy parents, brothers and sisters answering the phone.  Had to be on my game from minute one.  How did the world go on without Facebook, Sexting, Texting and Twitter?   God forbid we should actually have to look someone in the eye when asking them out or even worse, breaking up.

Now we are not even asking for phone numbers. We are asking for Facebook pages and Twitter user names.  When we do ask for a number we do not call, we text.  We are texting and tweeting our way to love and heartbreak. We are sending “Dear John Tweets” in 140 characters or less We are casually “bumping iPhones” with the hot girl or guy in a dark bar without ever saying a word.

You would think the following text message exchange is right out of a Sex In The City episode.  It is a real life exchange between two people I tried to hook up on a blind date.  She lives in Manhattan and he is a very well known Hollywood actor.

The back story to this exchange is that Monica and Trent had been having a torrid “text and twitter  romance” but were  unsuccessful in trying to hook up for dinner.  They agreed to meet for a late coffee at Starbucks in Mid-Town.

Monica arrives on time but Trent is running late.  Monica is waiting anxiously in anticipation of their first Starbucks meet.  Trent finally texts her (some texts have been combined to save space).

(Trent)   Give me Ten Minutes

(Monica) So, I gave you 20 mins. Haven’t heard from you. Guess your not going to show, good night.

(Trent) I’m in a cab NOW heading to the financial district just tell me the cross streets.

(Monica) You are too late, going home.

(Trent) OK but lets discuss it further when I get there.

(Monica) No. I am meeting a friend for a bite. Sorry. You should have communicated better. Next time.

(Trent) I ‘m almost there, I’ll join you and u’r friend, in fact I’ll buy you both dinner:o)

(Monica) No thank you

(Trent) Great! Which restaurant are we meeting at?

(Monica) Trent, I don’t need your charity.  I need you to be on time. You missed that window and I have made other plans.  We will have to get together another time.

(Trent) I took a cab all the way down here. It cost me a fortune.  Can you recommend a nice restaurant I can have a meal at by myself?  With all due respect there will not be another time.

(Monica) You are being ridiculous. You were 45 minutes late and I made plans.  Its your own fault. Don’t take it out on me!  Plus we were supposed to meet in  your neighborhood not mine.

(Monica)  If anything you should have apologized.  I have had one hell of a day and do not deserve to be treated that  way!

(Trent)  Ur nuts. If we were going to meet in my neighborhood you would hadda traveled up here it would have taken at least a half hour,

(Trent) i was coming to u to make it easy.  now I’m walking all  the way back from wall street I’m at canal, again no disrespect , and in an apologetic tone, LOSE MY NUMBER!

(Trent)  I left my wallet at my meeting and I used all my cash for the cab

(Monica) We talked about me coming to you. I am sorry you left your wallet at the restaurant. I’m not sure how all this is my fault. Why are you being so nasty to me?

(Monica) I didn’t do anything to you. Do you need me to bring you some money?  I’m no sure what you want me to do here.

(Monica)  By the way, if you don’t have your wallet how were you planning on buying my friend and me dinner? You’re a liar and a pig

(Trent) I’m not being nasty, just straightforward.  I thought it would be better for u and considerate of me to come meet you downtown.

(Trent) Anyway, I’ve taken off my coat and tie, rolled up my suit  jacket  and am going to try to panhandle-i’m at the union sq. park. I just need to raise 2 bux for the train

(Trent) This is embarrassing.  I hope ur satisfied!

(Trent) No.  Please don’t bring any money. I’ve already gotten 30 cents-i’ll raise two bux in less than 20 minutes but thank for the gesture. )

(Monica)  Your choice.  Stay away from the crack dealers.

(Trent) I need to put the Blackberry away or else they’ll think I as at one of those giant evil banks, and they won’t pity me.-they’ll spit on me! So I can’t continue to communicate with u…..

(Trent) No hard feelings-just not meant to be.

Love found, lost, texted and tweeted  without ever dialing a digit.   The epitome of a Dating 2.0 world.  We are advertising to the entire social networking world that we are on the market in 140 characters or less.

We used to break up in restaurants so there would not be a scene.  Now we find out  we are newly single for the first time when we see our “significant other’s” Facebook relationship status suddenly set to “single and looking”  You  try to text her and her phone number has been changed.  You try to contact her on Facebook and find you are now “blocked”. You are also blocked and “un-followed” on Twitter.  A total dating 2.0 disconnect.

In my day, if you met a girl in a bar and she thought you were a  total douchebag, the  number she gave you was actually the Rejection Hotline or Dominos Pizza.(I ate a lot of pizza)

It will not be long before we will be creating our twitter networks for the sole purpose of finding a mate.  We will see tweets like ads we now see on billboard or the billboards themselves will tweet our message to the local masses.

“30k Millionaire Tweetgeek” user name bcuban seeks SATM(Single Attractive Tweet Mate).  Tweet me your vitals and lets Tweetup!”

Any takers?

©2009 Brian Cuban

*Love On Twitter Graphic compliments of Toni Gigov.

Enjoy this piece?  Be sure to join the Cuban Revolution Fan Club and/or subscribe to my newsletter to stay abreast of future posts and live celebrity interviews on The Revolution Rant

Former Boxing World Heavy Weight Champion Shannon Briggs will be live on The Revolution Rant!

Tune Into The Rant August 18th at 11:30( CT) to hear about his Fight To Breath comeback to the world title!   Shannon will talk about his career, his battle with asthma and his latest attempt to recapture the championship belt he last held after stopping Sergei Liakhovich in the 12th round to capture the WBO Heavyweight title.   Shannon had also previously won the title in 1997 in a memorable fight against George Foreman.  Shannon’s current records stands at 48 wins 5 loses and one draw with 42 knockouts.

About fighting with asthma ,Shannon stated:

“It’s hard fighting …..“I’ll be honest with you, I was born with it, I’ve been fighting it all my life, I’m heavyweight champion of the world, and I’m still fighting it. I’m not only fighting people in the ring, I’m fighting asthma. No one knows what it’s like to be in a fight and you’re thinking about breathing and not the opponent. It’s tough to deal with.”

...if you want to become heavyweight champion of the world and you got asthma, you’ll do whatever it takes”

Can Shanon Briggs  “Fight To Breath”  and capture the heavyweight title for the 3rd time?   Come hear what he as to say!

SIMPLY CLICK ON THE “REVOLUTION RANT LIVE” TO LISTEN IN AND ASK SHANNON QUESTION!

Tuesday August 18th at 11:30(CT) on the Revolution Rant!