The  NBA playoffs are almost upon us!  New hopes and  new players  driving the Mavs to what is hopefully another trip into the NBA finals scene. But  on the social scene in Dallas, “singles season’’ never ends.   In preparation for another playoff round of  of after-game bars, clubs, see and be seen sports mackdaddies and douchebaggery, I recently roamed the streets of Dallas after the Mav’s home game, checking out various nightspots while contemplating what will hopefully be a great Mavs season. I wandered about, contemplating how we would make the playoffs, play deep in, and hopefully challenge again for that elusive Larry O’Brien NBA Championship Trophy.

At the same time, I was stunned by a similarity between singles scene as the NBA:

Life imitates art. Basketball imitates life. Especially in social interactions.

I saw all kinds (as I often do), not all of them enviable kinds. There were the 30K Millionaires, the Cougars, the GoldDiggers and the MackDaddy D-bags, and I saw all kinds of similarities between the social interactions I witnessed out on the singles scene and the great game of hoops.

Let’s lace up those high-tops for a walk onto the hardwood court of Dallas (and note that I believe it’s largely the same for any big-city nightlife where a basketball season is played out). There are no points for second place. The winners hit nothing but net while the losers head home alone and whine the next morning about how they gave their best. The only way you can only get a “clear path” to the basket” view of all this is if you are living outside the 3-point line.

To watch this game – and to maybe be more than a baseline season-ticket-holder — I had to re-learn all I knew about basketball and how it applied to the nightlife scene. Once I had finished learning the rules and different offensive (sometimes very offensive!) and defensive sets, a night out in Dallas became more entertaining than watching the NBA Finals.

Well, almost

In order to see what I saw and know what I know you have to have a basic understanding of basketball “terminology” as it applies to both the NBA and the nightclub scene. Once you have this understanding you will never look at a bar or nightclub in the same light. Here are some of the terms you need to understand:

“Palming”: The act of adjusting oneself in a nightclub right in front of your buddy/wingman and the hot girl you are talking to. This is a change in possession foul and you must now transfer possession of the hot girl to your buddy.

“Slam-dunk”: The last drunk girl in the bar at 2 a.m.

“Full Court Press’’: Within 15 minutes of meeting a girl in a bar you have given her your phone number, certified financial statement, recent HIV test and two round-trip tickets to Vegas for the next day. You’ve even sent flowers sent to the girl … while still in the bar.

“Flagrant Foul”: At the very moment the hottest girl in the bar is handing you her telephone number, your best buddy, say, picks his nose. This is a two-shot foul. You retain possession. Your buddy must buy two shots of any drink you choose for you and any girl you want the rest of the night.

“Double-Double”: You figure it out…

“Triple Double”: U DA MAN!

“Clear Path Foul:’’ You picked up the hottest girl in the club. She has told you how much she wants you. You are on your way back to your place. She pukes all over your car.

“Fast Break”: You’ve just arrived, you have not even valeted the car yet and your buddy is coming out of the nightclub, hot girl on his arm.

“Traveling”: You live in Dallas. She lives in Fort Worth. This is a change-of-possession foul – but only if your buddy doesn’t care where she lives.

“24-Second Violation’’: You meet a hot girl. You spend the first 25 seconds talking about your millions in the bank, new Maserati, your listing on the Forbes 400 and your Gulfstream while your three roommates look on. This is also known as a “30K Millionaire Violation.” It is a turnover – she turns herself over to the next guy in the bar who actually owns a Maserati or Gulfstream.

“Double Dribble”: You forget to tie your shoes. Just as you are about to hand your girl her drink, you trip and spill both drinks on her. This is a change-in-possession foul as your buddy because your buddy uses it against you. She agrees and goes home with him.

“Back-Court Violation”: Your posse is in the club. You have drink in hand when you realize your driver was denied entrance because he wore tennis shoes, thus violating the dress-to-impress code.

“Alley-Oop”: Your buddy generously hands off to you that last drunk girl in the bar at 2 am. You are hoping to convert to a “slam dunk.’’

“Moving Screen”: Your buddy is not getting near that girl. She is going home with you!

“Blocking Foul”: Just as the hottest girl in the club is handing you her phone number … this is gonna be good. … your buddy approaches and and is nice enough to report that he found your wedding ring on the floor.

“Offensive Foul”: You had Italian for dinner. You’re about to kiss your girl goodnight — on the cheek, because you’re a gentleman — when you burp just a little. Is that a piece of spaghetti that’s landed on her cheek? Another turnover. To anybody. As long as it’s not you.

“Technical Foul”: She told you she was 21 when you bought her a drink. This is an ejection. A one-game suspension. And a timeout. … maybe to be spent in a 4×6 with bars.

“Offensive Rebound”: It is not your fault your buddy can’t close.

“Tip Off”: You spy something on her neck. It is suspicious. It appears that the attractive woman you are looking at has an Adam’s Apple.’’

“Two-Minute Warning”: It’s last call. You struck out. Your designated driver has left and you have no cab fare. Time for more “traveling.’’ Because you’re walking home.

There’s the rules of the game. And unlike the NBA regular season, which must come to again, in the nightlife scene, every weekend brings a playoff round!

©2010 Brian Cuban

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If you doubt how quick and easy it is to go from a complete douche-bag to a sympathetic victim in the blink of an eye, look no further than  the “Letterman Effect”

David Letterman admits to numerous affairs with women in his office, something definitely worthy of d-bag status. Yet he becomes the sympathetic victim when all of the blackmail allegations are revealed.

Mike Leach, his supporters and Adam James bashers should take heed and proceed with caution. The “Letterman Effect” tipping points in such matters are unpredictable and can happen over-night.

Adam Jones is already a victim to some extent.   There will be no dispute that he had a concussion. There will be no dispute that he was put in this “shed” for some currently unknown reason.  All of the email and radio pundit bashing his work-habits/ attitude may be accurate but in the end his work-habits and attitude are not relevant to the determination of what Leach did to him was appropriate.  If this type of punishment has never been used on another player it will not take an F. Lee Bailey type to argue that Adam James was in fact the one retaliated against.  The more James becomes the victim, the more difficult it will be for Leach to claim that his treatment of James was used as a pre-text to fire him for other reasons.  Public perception can change on a dime.

Finally, people who feel victimized find it very easy to file lawsuits to vindicate their victim status. Leach will certainly file his.  The more James is publicly perceived as a victim the more likely he will be to use that to his advantage in his own lawsuit.  While one would think James’s father would put the brakes on such action ,these types of downhill snowballs have a way of rolling over a logical decision making process.

Texas Tech had to fire Mike Leach regardless of whether it can be proven that he actually he actually did something wrong  in his treatment Adam James, son of former NFL player and ESPN college football analyst Craig James. of

According to ESPN:

“A source close to James’ family told ESPN’s Joe Schad that James sustained a concussion on Dec. 16, was examined the following day and told not to practice because of the injury and an elevated heart rate. The source said Leach called a trainer and directed him to move James “to the darkest place, to clean out the equipment and to make sure that he could not sit or lean. He was confined for three hours.”

If even remotely true, that’s all Tech needed to know.  To keep Leach would be a disaster moving forward with an alleged fact scenario conjuring images of torture regardless of motivational motives.  James was a college football player, not an al-Qaeda operative being interrogated.   What about future recruiting?  The new standard punch-line question for parents from schools competing against Tech for recruits would be to ask if they really wanted their injured son locked in a closet unable to sit or stand. There was also a much bigger-picture legal concern than some pissed  off students and alumni who you would expect to come to Leach’s defense.

If Texas Tech did not fire Leach, they would be trying his case over and over both in a court of law and in the court of public opinion every single time a parent did not like the way their son/athlete was treated after an injury.

It would not be limited to football.  In every sport at Tech, when a student suffered questionable treatment by a coach when claiming injury, parents could point at Tech’s retention of Leach and claim they condoned the conduct.  The only way to cure this was to cut off the head ending it right here.

Leach will sue. His reputation and future as a coach is on the line.  Tech knows this and is expecting it.  It will not go to trial.  Leach will make noise about wanting vindication and taking it to verdict but in the end he does not want the facts played out in court any more than Tech. They will make an offer, there will be a confidentiality agreement and everyone will move on.  Leach will coach again.  Schools with football programs have short memories when winners come knocking.