Michael Vick  was released from a federal prison in Leavenworth, Kansas.  He will serve the last two months of his 23-month sentence in home confinement at his Virginia residence.  It is being reported that Vick will work with the Humane Society of the United States on anti-dogfighting campaigns.

It is a given that at some point Vick will seek to re-enter the NFL.  It has been reported that he could return to professional football as soon as September if reinstated by the NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.  There will be opposition from animal rights groups and animal lovers in general.  I count myself among the animal lovers. Many would even consider me a “radical” animal lover. I am both anti-hunting and horse racing.  Do not however, count me among the opposition to Michael Vick being allowed to again play professional football.

When the time comes, should Roger Goodell find that Vick is in compliance with internal NFL conduct guidelines,  I believe he  should re-instate Vick’s eligibility to play and seek NFL employment under whatever probationary terms he deems appropriate.

Anyone who knows me is probably shocked as hell to read this. I have been active in various animal rights causes and benefits.  I screamed loudest for Vick’s head on a doggie platter and a long prison sentence. I was disappointed when his state sentence ran concurrent with his federal sentence although as an attorney I was expecting just that.

I also do not like Michael Vick.  I think he is a gangster thug.  I admit that I have never met him.  It does not matter.   In my mind it is res ipsa loquitur.  If you abuse animals or take pleasure from watching them abused that is all I need to know.  You are a bad person and a gangster thug.  End of story.

I also believe Michael Vick will  again end up in trouble with the law.  Why?  I believe that anyone who abuses animals or takes pleasure in watching them abused has on a certain level, a sociopath personality.  That person lacks the mental mechanism to understand societal values.  This  moral disconnect will more often than not lead to long term trouble.  You can’t grow a conscience regardless of any explanation for not having one.

With all that being said how could I possibly support Michael Vick?

I support Micheal Vick being allowed to seek employment in the NFL because I respect our justice system and the equality of judgment it is supposed to represent, even if it often does not always work out that way.  Michel Vick was judged.  He is paying his debt born out of that judgment.  Once that happens, our Constitution and justice system mandates that while we can hold opinions, express them and judge him as a person, we can no longer legally judge his act.

I am comfortable enough in my convictions in this area to know that I would never hire someone who did what he did to work for me in any capacity.  You have the right to ask me for a job.  I have the right to say no.  I have the right to bring my moral compass into play in saying no.  You have the right to find someone else to hire you in the same type of job who may view things differently than I do.

Michael Vick is paying his dues to society.  He should not have to pay them again in being denied the right to seek employment.  I know there will be an NFL owner or two who does not view Michael Vick the same way I do. The NFL is too competitive and the margin of error too small.  A team will give him a chance.  I won’t like it.  I however am not society’s moral gatekeeper.  The NFL and individual team owners will decide which way their own compass points.

I will say that whoever hires Michael Vick had better hope that somewhere deep inside himself  he has found the guilt ridden emotions that help shape the human conscience.  If he has not, it is a given that  he will be judged again.

I can not figure it out.  For the last few days, I have been depressed, angry, sick to my stomach and unable to focus.  I have cried uncontrollably, kicked my dog and chased my cat around the house flicking  Dirk Nowitzki basketball trading cards at her.

To top it off, this morning I woke up sitting naked in an seat in an empty American Airlines Center screaming “KMART’S A THUG”, again flicking.  This time flicking imaginary beer and popcorn on imaginary Denver Nuggets fans seated next to me.

After posting bail, I rushed home to see if I could self diagnose the mysterious symptoms that have overtaken my body.

I did an exhaustive Google search. I  researched medical journals. I even scheduled an emergency visit with a sports fan psychologist.  Much to my relief, I finally found the answer in an obscure article entitled “Sports Fanatic Psychosis, Diagnosis and Treatment“.  The article was put out by the South End Of The Island Of Grenada School Of Medicine. I am suffering from “Season Over Syndrome“(SOS). It turns out there are seven stages of “SOS”.

1.  SHOCK AND DENIAL

This feeling is generally manifested in a  heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after the season is over.  You find yourself with overwhelming feelings of sorrow and sympathy for players making millions of dollars per year who are already sitting on desert islands sipping Cuba Libre drinks, banging hot women and partying with the Dos Equis Man as they live vicariously through themselves.

2. PAIN AND GUILT

As your body goes through the withdrawal of countless nights of playoff drinking and debauchery, you suddenly realize that your condo has not been cleaned in weeks. Your  unwashed laundry stinks.  Your girlfriend has left you.  You can longer see your feet or your “Johnson” from drinking and eating so much.  The fat slob in the mirror overwhelms you with pain and guilt.  The rest does not bother you that much.  That’s what maids and strip clubs are for.

3.  ANGER

Your guilt turns to increasing anger as you realize that you look like shit, your baseball team sucks, football is months away and your your now eliminated NBA team wont have a 1st round draft pick because they traded it for a Slobovian point guard named Meloosh.

4.  DEPRESSION AND LONELINESS

Just as all your friends think you are over the disappointment and ready to move on, you become very reflective of the season that was.  You begin inviting your friends over to show them your new Tops Basketball Card Collection and  watch endless reruns of movies like Hoosiers, The Fish That Save Pittsburgh, Celtic Pride, Like Mike, And Space Jam.  After one night of this, your friends begin discussing an SOS intervention behind your back.

5.  FEELING BETTER

You start to adjust to a boring summer without the benefit of good tickets to playoff games to pick up hot women. That’s ok though because the night club scene is improving.  Out of contention and out of work NBA players, groupies and douchebag wannabes converge on the club scene  with guns, entourage and gangsta attitude in tow.  “Celebrity Beatdowns“  are a weekly nightclub event.  They help wean you off the Jerry Springer and TMZ addictions that are  symptoms of SOS.

6.  RECONSTRUCTION AND REDEMPTION

November is rapidly approaching. Time to get your body back shape for the long grueling season. Pre-game happy hours, post game happy hours, post game private parties.  An intense heckling regime to be rehearsed.  Have to look good for the Jumbotron or any impromptu national television appearances.  The gym is now your best friend. Your team is not looking good for the new year so you have to be looking extra buff.  It’s exponentially harder to pick up chicks after a loss. You think Meelosh will be a bust.

7. ACCEPTANCE AND HOPE

As opening day gets closer, the trash talk of a new season begins. You once again begin to feel the hope of a the promised NBA title  despite a bunch of crappy mid-level exception signings, no bench and Meelosh as your starting center.

You will once again experience the joy of basketball, women and making a complete drunken idiot out of yourself all in the name of basketball fandom.  If the team wins you might even get laid this year.  Meelosh is coming around. Life is good.

I am Jewish.  I know for a fact that I can’t play basketball.  You could make good money by wagering that I could not hold a dribble from one end of the court to the other completely unguarded.   If I told any team that I was not going to play on the Sabbath, the laughing wouldn’t stop until sundown of that next Friday.  Is this the Jewish curse?  If there were basketball courts in the time of Moses would we have been doomed to play hoops for 40 years rather than wander through the desert?  Would Rameses have said “not only will I not let your people go but you can’t drive to the hoop?”

There are many of the Jewish faith who play basketball.  Local Jewish Community Center and and B’nai Brith leagues are full of great “J Hopes”.  While we are represented in European basketball the pickings are slim here in the USA.  Are there any Jews even currently playing in the NBA? (David Stern and Mark Cuban don’t count). I did some research and I was able to find the following Jews currently playing in the NBA:

Jordan Farmer of the Los Angeles Lakers. That’s it.  A tribe of one.

Jordon played just over 18 minutes a game this  year averaging 6.4 ppg. He is averaging 6.8 ppg as a role player in the Laker’s current playoff run.   Not to bad for a tribal representative.  He however will not be getting any  simchas for his 3 point shot or lackluster free throw percentage.   A little Kabbalah string serenity may help on the line or in the alternative an affair with Madonna.  In fairness to the Jordan and the other chosen, there are noteworthy  Jewish NBA ballers going back through history.  It appears however that we are much more adept at owning sports franchises than playing for them.

You are not going to see too many conservative or orthodox Jews playing in professional sports.  If the guy sucks it’s no big deal but if he is any good and observant, he is not going to be that amenable to helping the team out from sunset Friday to sunset Saturday.  Moral of story.  If you are going to recruit a Jew, be sure he/she is a reform or have your designated gentile for play those big Sabbath games.

It is actually not all that uncommon to read about Jews missing big weekend games due to observance of the Sabbath.  Now and then there is controversy. You have the competing interests of the schools, fans, teammates all of which put an enormous amount of pressure on those with strong religious convictions.

There was a recent controversy involving a Jewish high school basketball team who refused to play  a championship game on the Sabbath. The Herzl/Rocky Mountain Hebrew Academy team ultimately never had to face the religous dilemma. They fell one win short of qualifying for the championship game. The governing body had however already ruled against them so they would have forfeited the game had they advanced.

I actually found this subject discussed on the website ABOUT.COM. The question was whether conservative Jews can participate in sports on the Sabbath. Here was the answer give by Rabbi Barry Dove Lerner:

The question was whether Conservative Jews can participate in sports on the Sabbath. Here was the answer give by Rabbi Barry Dove Lerner:

“Thanks for writing. First, I encourage you to speak with your Rabbi about this matter and other matters of Jewish law.

Please understand that I share your own sense of the importance of sports. In high school and college I participated in sports and I am still – to the best of my knowledge – the only Rabbi ordained in North America to have held a national championship and record in a NCAA sport – archery! And I taught archery at Camps Ramah for seven years to literally hundreds of campers of all ages. I encourage the children to both get involved with their school teams AND to respect Jewish holidays and Shabbat. So I share your enthusiasm for the self-discipline, the physical fitness, etc. that sports participation can bring one..

However, please understand that Conservative Judaism as such will not invalidate Shabbat and Jewish law simply to facilitate our wants and desires. Family activities are wonderful, but I would start now to begin to offer alternatives before the real confrontation between parents and children might arise. Lastly, once again, turn to your Rabbi for advice and guidance on what is and what is not appropriate for your children within the community programs.”

Ah yes, that is the ticket to the future for all Jewish athletes. ARCHERY!  There is your answer.  Excel in archery and the Sabbath is yours!  You can pretty much put an arrow in something any day of the week so why sweat the weekend.  He talks about offering alternatives to your children. The next Jewish Pele?  

And where is Moses when you need him to part the zone in a drive to the hoop?  The Dallas Mavericks could have used him this year.  Mark Cuban, the Jewish owner of The Dallas Mavericks hit the nail on the head when he was recently quoted as saying:

As The Good Book Says… ” Tis better to own to than to dribble”

SO LET IT BE WRITTEN, SO LET IT BE DONE!

I have used steroids.  At one time or another I have done cycles of  of Deca-Durabolin, Primobolan, Sustanon and Winstrol. They are often done in combination.  While I am not a doctor, my personal experiences have given me  enough of a knowledge base to discuss steroid related subjects including the official statement of Los Angeles  Dodger slugger Manny Ramirez regarding his positive test for Performance Enhancing Substances and subsequent 50 game suspension from professional baseball.

According to news reports Ramirez tested positive for the drug, Human Chorionic Gonadotropin or HCG. HCG is primarily a female fertility drug .  It is also in rampant use by body builders to restart natural testosterone production as they come off of a steroid cycle.  According to ESPN, Ramirez also tested positive for artificial testosterone.

As a former steroid user, I am familiar with HCG. I have used it on numerous occasions.  HCG itself is  not a steroid, but a natural  hormone which develops in the placenta of pregnant women during pregnancy to controls the mother’s hormones.

Any experienced steroid user knows that including HCG  or a similar agent is a must for proper recovery after a steroid cycle. When a person takes testosterone steroids the body shuts down it’s natural production of testosterone to compensate for the huge spike in the artificial amount entering the blood stream.  When the athlete finishes the 8-12 week cycle, the body is no longer producing adequate amounts of testosterone and must be “kick started”  to get it flowing again.

If  a person does multiple heavy steroid cycles over an extended period and does not use HCG, one of the worst nightmare of every male occurs. His balls shrivel up eventually looking like a couple of raisins.  HCG is used to bring the family jewels back to normal size and and full “erectile” function.

What does all of this tell me about Manny Ramirez?  It tells me that it within the realm of reasonable probability that he  was probably doing significant and repeated testosterone steroid cycles.  Let’s look at Manny’s statement:

“Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me. Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now. I do want to say one other thing; I’ve taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons.

I want to apologize to Mr. McCourt, Mrs. McCourt, Mr. Torre, my teammates, the Dodger organization, and to the Dodger fans. LA is a special place to me and I know everybody is disappointed. So am I. I’m sorry about this whole situation.”

Are there medically legitimate reasons for a male to take HCG?  Yes there are. It is often prescribed for the treatment of delayed puberty boy when they have not developed their secondary sexual characteristics at the normal time in their life.  This is usually by 12-14 years old. I don’t think Manny fits the criteria for this use.

HCG is also used to treat Hypogonadism in males. This is a defect of the reproductive system resulting in a lack of function of the gonads.  It is commonly used when a male has a low sperm count and unable to get his wife/girlfriend pregnant.

The “HCG Diet” has also become a popular diet fad.

While I am admittedly not a medical expert, these are the only legitimate medical uses in males I am aware of.  Manny certainly does not fit the criteria for the 1st.  What about the second?

Let’s say I am a Major League ball player using an exotic testosterone steroid I believe will be undetectable. The only problem is that unless I take an agent to counter-act the side effect,s some severe male ego damaging side effects will occur. My balls will disappear. I will be unable to get it up. Without these things working properly what’s the point of being famous?

What’s a Steroid Monster to do?  I  take HCG to counteract the side effects.  HCG is detectable but I am also stupidly unaware that it is on the MLB banned list as it is not a steroid.  What do I do?  I have my doctor set me up for one of the above explanations.  I may assert the “Small Balls Defense” I make sure my doctor diagnoses a  legitimate use disorder for the HCG.

There is also a known embarrassing male side effect of prolonged HCG use in males.  This is the development of man breasts or “Bitch Tits” as known in bodybuilder circles.

Has anyone seen Manny with his shirt off lately?

In the end I suspect that, in order to spin the best he can,  Manny’s will present some type of “Small Balls Defense” explanation for his HCG use.  There is a lot more at stake here than 50 games, professionally, financially and repuation wise.   Common sense however seems to dictate the obvious.  If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck….   Maybe Manny should do commercial for Aflac while on suspension.