At the same time, I was stunned by a similarity between singles scene as the NBA:

Life imitates art. Basketball imitates life. Especially in social interactions.

I saw all kinds (as I often do), not all of them enviable kinds. There were the 30K Millionaires, the Cougars, the GoldDiggers and the MackDaddy D-bags, and I saw all kinds of similarities between the social interactions I witnessed out on the singles scene and the great game of hoops.

Let’s lace up those high-tops for a walk onto the hardwood court of Dallas (and note that I believe it’s largely the same for any big-city nightlife where a basketball season is played out). There are no points for second place. The winners hit nothing but net while the losers head home alone and whine the next morning about how they gave their best. The only way you can only get a “clear path” to the basket” view of all this is if you are living outside the 3-point line.

To watch this game – and to maybe be more than a baseline season-ticket-holder — I had to re-learn all I knew about basketball and how it applied to the nightlife scene. Once I had finished learning the rules and different offensive (sometimes very offensive!) and defensive sets, a night out in Dallas became more entertaining than watching the NBA Finals.

Well, almost

In order to see what I saw and know what I know you have to have a basic understanding of basketball “terminology” as it applies to both the NBA and the nightclub scene. Once you have this understanding you will never look at a bar or nightclub in the same light. Here are some of the terms you need to understand:

“Palming”: The act of adjusting oneself in a nightclub right in front of your buddy/wingman and the hot girl you are talking to. This is a change in possession foul and you must now transfer possession of the hot girl to your buddy.

“Slam-dunk”: The last drunk girl in the bar at 2 a.m.

“Full Court Press’’: Within 15 minutes of meeting a girl in a bar you have given her your phone number, certified financial statement, recent HIV test and two round-trip tickets to Vegas for the next day. You’ve even sent flowers sent to the girl … while still in the bar.

“Flagrant Foul”: At the very moment the hottest girl in the bar is handing you her telephone number, your best buddy, say, picks his nose. This is a two-shot foul. You retain possession. Your buddy must buy two shots of any drink you choose for you and any girl you want the rest of the night.

“Double-Double”: You figure it out…

“Triple Double”: U DA MAN!

“Clear Path Foul:’’ You picked up the hottest girl in the club. She has told you how much she wants you. You are on your way back to your place. She pukes all over your car.

“Fast Break”: You’ve just arrived, you have not even valeted the car yet and your buddy is coming out of the nightclub, hot girl on his arm.

“Traveling”: You live in Dallas. She lives in Fort Worth. This is a change-of-possession foul – but only if your buddy doesn’t care where she lives.

“24-Second Violation’’: You meet a hot girl. You spend the first 25 seconds talking about your millions in the bank, new Maserati, your listing on the Forbes 400 and your Gulfstream while your three roommates look on. This is also known as a “30K Millionaire Violation.” It is a turnover – she turns herself over to the next guy in the bar who actually owns a Maserati or Gulfstream.

“Double Dribble”: You forget to tie your shoes. Just as you are about to hand your girl her drink, you trip and spill both drinks on her. This is a change-in-possession foul as your buddy because your buddy uses it against you. She agrees and goes home with him.

“Back-Court Violation”: Your posse is in the club. You have drink in hand when you realize your driver was denied entrance because he wore tennis shoes, thus violating the dress-to-impress code.

“Alley-Oop”: Your buddy generously hands off to you that last drunk girl in the bar at 2 am. You are hoping to convert to a “slam dunk.’’

“Moving Screen”: Your buddy is not getting near that girl. She is going home with you!

“Blocking Foul”: Just as the hottest girl in the club is handing you her phone number … this is gonna be good. … your buddy approaches and and is nice enough to report that he found your wedding ring on the floor.

“Offensive Foul”: You had Italian for dinner. You’re about to kiss your girl goodnight — on the cheek, because you’re a gentleman — when you burp just a little. Is that a piece of spaghetti that’s landed on her cheek? Another turnover. To anybody. As long as it’s not you.

“Technical Foul”: She told you she was 21 when you bought her a drink. This is an ejection. A one-game suspension. And a timeout. … maybe to be spent in a 4×6 with bars.

“Offensive Rebound”: It is not your fault your buddy can’t close.

“Tip Off”: You spy something on her neck. It is suspicious. It appears that the attractive woman you are looking at has an Adam’s Apple.’’

“Two-Minute Warning”: It’s last call. You struck out. Your designated driver has left and you have no cab fare. Time for more “traveling.’’ Because you’re walking home.

There’s the rules of the game. And unlike the NBA regular season, which must come to again, in the nightlife scene, every weekend brings a playoff round!

©2010 Brian Cuban

Enjoy this piece?  Be sure to join the Cuban Revolution Fan Club and/or subscribe to my newsletter to stay abreast of future posts and live celebrity interviews on The Revolution Rant

David Letterman admits to numerous affairs with women in his office, something definitely worthy of d-bag status. Yet he becomes the sympathetic victim when all of the blackmail allegations are revealed.

Mike Leach, his supporters and Adam James bashers should take heed and proceed with caution. The “Letterman Effect” tipping points in such matters are unpredictable and can happen over-night.

Adam Jones is already a victim to some extent.   There will be no dispute that he had a concussion. There will be no dispute that he was put in this “shed” for some currently unknown reason.  All of the email and radio pundit bashing his work-habits/ attitude may be accurate but in the end his work-habits and attitude are not relevant to the determination of what Leach did to him was appropriate.  If this type of punishment has never been used on another player it will not take an F. Lee Bailey type to argue that Adam James was in fact the one retaliated against.  The more James becomes the victim, the more difficult it will be for Leach to claim that his treatment of James was used as a pre-text to fire him for other reasons.  Public perception can change on a dime.

Finally, people who feel victimized find it very easy to file lawsuits to vindicate their victim status. Leach will certainly file his.  The more James is publicly perceived as a victim the more likely he will be to use that to his advantage in his own lawsuit.  While one would think James’s father would put the brakes on such action ,these types of downhill snowballs have a way of rolling over a logical decision making process.

According to ESPN:

“A source close to James’ family told ESPN’s Joe Schad that James sustained a concussion on Dec. 16, was examined the following day and told not to practice because of the injury and an elevated heart rate. The source said Leach called a trainer and directed him to move James “to the darkest place, to clean out the equipment and to make sure that he could not sit or lean. He was confined for three hours.”

If even remotely true, that’s all Tech needed to know.  To keep Leach would be a disaster moving forward with an alleged fact scenario conjuring images of torture regardless of motivational motives.  James was a college football player, not an al-Qaeda operative being interrogated.   What about future recruiting?  The new standard punch-line question for parents from schools competing against Tech for recruits would be to ask if they really wanted their injured son locked in a closet unable to sit or stand. There was also a much bigger-picture legal concern than some pissed  off students and alumni who you would expect to come to Leach’s defense.

If Texas Tech did not fire Leach, they would be trying his case over and over both in a court of law and in the court of public opinion every single time a parent did not like the way their son/athlete was treated after an injury.

It would not be limited to football.  In every sport at Tech, when a student suffered questionable treatment by a coach when claiming injury, parents could point at Tech’s retention of Leach and claim they condoned the conduct.  The only way to cure this was to cut off the head ending it right here.

Leach will sue. His reputation and future as a coach is on the line.  Tech knows this and is expecting it.  It will not go to trial.  Leach will make noise about wanting vindication and taking it to verdict but in the end he does not want the facts played out in court any more than Tech. They will make an offer, there will be a confidentiality agreement and everyone will move on.  Leach will coach again.  Schools with football programs have short memories when winners come knocking.

Was Fox Sports being too “politically correct”?

They were both suspended by the Fox Sports Prime Ticket cable network for their comments about Memphis center Hamed Haddadi.  Haddadi is Irania born. The exchange occurred during a telecast of a game against Memphis. The transcript as reported in the LA times reads as follows:

Smith: “Look who’s in.”

Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?”

Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” (Smith pronounced Iranian as “Eye-ranian,” a pronunciation that offended the viewer who complained.)

Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation.

Smith: “He’s the only one.”

Lawler: “He’s from Iran?”

Smith: “I guess so.”

Lawler: “That Iran?”

Smith: “Yes.”

Lawler: “The real Iran?”

Smith: “Yes.”

Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.”

Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?”

Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.”

Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.”

Smith: “Especially the post players.

Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”

Political correctness run amok or appropriate discipline?

The answer is in the question.  Basketball is about sports competition, not politics.

Regardless of the lack of ill intent or intended humor in the exchange, there is no place for racial or off-color ethnic comedy in the NBA announcer’s booth.

Ralph Smith and Michael Lawler were employed by Fox for one purpose and one purpose only, to provide BASKETBALL related play by play and color commentary for NBA basketball games. The moment they strayed into “off-color”commentary where we have to debate “political correctness” they were unacceptably outside the scope of  their job descriptions whether it was about an Iranian, Jew or Muslim.(Ironically Sacha Baron Cohen is in fact Jewish)

Let’s leave  the debate over “political correctness” to the varied content of Fox News.  Fox Sports is supposed to be about sports.  Fox knew this and took appropriate action.  I suspect that Smith and Lawler while not happy about it, agree with and understand the action taken.  Kudos to Fox for keeping their eye on the basketball.

(Exchange begins at 1:01)

Don is a  huge MFFL(Mavs Fan For Life) and widely considered the Dallas Mavericks if not best dressed, most uniquely dressed fan.

Don’s “statement” outfits often find their way onto the High Definition Jumbo-tron as well as  local and national television broadcasts.

Despite earning a reported $110 million over the course of his 13-year NBA career, former player Antoine Walker is apparently broke. According to the Boston Globe, the 33-year-old 6th overall draft pick of 1996 is in trouble, and due in a Las Vegas courtroom this week to answer to charges of fraud for writing bad checks to different casinos, totaling $1 million. The Globe is also reporting that Walker owes more than $4 million to his creditors.

Just one more high profile athlete having to scale back his lifestyle to the level to which you have I have been accustomed.  Why is it that athletes who seem to have everything are often completely unable to control anything related to finances?

We all played our violins to death when we heard of Latrell Sprewell’s financial troubles. On Halloween 2004, Sprewell, who was in the final season of a $62-million five-year contract with the New York Knicks, said he was insulted by the Minnesota Timberwolve’s offer of a contract extension that was reportedly worth between $27 million and $30 million for three seasons. Sprewell stated, “I’ve got my family to feed.” That quote become a national moniker for the public perception of athletes as greedy, out of touch individuals. Apparently, Sprewell still can’t feed his family. His yacht was recently repossessed and his home is about to be foreclosed on.

While there is certainly the stereotype of the financially irresponsible NBA athlete, no professional sport is immune.

Let’s take a look at some high profile athlete financial sob stories over the years:

1. No one my age can forget Jack”The Ripper” Clark , star player for the Boston Red Sox who filed for bankruptcy in 1992 in the middle of his second year of a three-year, $8.7 million contract with Boston; he listed $6.7 million in debts. Jack was a master of financial planning and prudent asset acquisition. His bankruptcy petition listed assets such as 18 automobiles, including a 1990 Ferrari that cost $717,000 and three 1992 Mercedes Benz cars costing between $103,000 and $143,000. He owed money on 17 of the automobiles and was liable for about $400,000 in Federal and state taxes. He had also lost about $1 million in a drag-racing venture. Sounds like Jack would have been more at home in the NBA. You can read about it here

2. Johnny Unitas, Hall of Fame quarterback for the Baltimore Colts, filed for bankruptcy in 1991 citing numerous failed business ventures in his petition These failed bits included bowling alleys, land deals and restaurants. He filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 1991.

3. Mike Tyson The name speaks for itself. Mike’s bankruptcy was highly publicized. Despite earning hundreds of millions during his boxing career, Mike kept it simple. His bankruptcy petition simply stated: ” I am unable to pay my bills”. According to federal court records, his liabilities totaled about $27 million. You can read that story here.

4. Dorothy Hamill, the women’s figure-skating gold medalist in the 1976 Winter Games, filed for bankruptcy after a series of financial setbacks. Hamill said she has experienced financial setbacks as a result of poor financial investment advice and management.

These are just a few of many athletes’ tales of woe. It is not a phenomenon limited to professional sports — just ask M.C Hammer. Prior to his declaring bankruptcy, it was made public that his day to day living expenses far exceeded his income of $33 million. If I am going to veer off to celebrities, I certainly have to mention Kim Basinger and Michael Jackson.

When the Toronto Star ran an article alleging that a shocking figure that 60 percent of NBA athletes “go broke” five years after retiring, did we not all pull out that very tiny violin we have reserved for such occasions? The NBA players union and the NBA have both disputed that assertion. The article goes on to talk about all the people taking advantage of and “scamming” these athletes. While I have no doubt there is truth to this, I can also understand how such a generalization would make the NBA uncomfortable. It leaves you with the impression that 60 percent of NBA players are not only financially inept but also idiots in general. This is simply not true. While good business sense is often lacking, I view many of their mistakes as being more mistakes of trust, credibility and lack of life experience than anything else. Smart, busy people who can afford it, hire people with targeted expertise to help them. This allows them to focus on their expertise. Sometime mistakes are made and bad judgment is used in who we hire and hang out with. That is not unique to the NBA or professional sports. This happens to everyone. That is life. It happens all the time. It just does not make front page when we screw up. If there is any question at all as to how badly we as the general public screw up, just look at the personal bankruptcy filing statistics.

In order to get a perspective from the inside, I contacted Jordan Woy, a highly respected sports agent and a principal in the sports marketing/management firm of Schlegel Sports. Jordan has represented numerous high profile athletes

Here is what Jordon had to say:

I think there are several reasons why so many athletes “go broke”. First, whether it is a lottery winner, an athlete or a star entertainer, if they are not equipped with the knowledge on how to make and save money they are in trouble. When they didn’t earn it through disciplined business practices and they don’t have those skills they usually go through it quickly. Most lottery winners or athletes make a great deal of money in a short period of time. They start spending it on things that only go down in value (cars, jewelry, partying, entourage, etc) and start to evaporate the money they do have. They can carry this off until they stop earning big money. This is when the trouble starts. It is hard to believe that MC Hammer, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield and now Ed McMahon are broke. These are people who earned hundreds of millions over time and it disappeared. Lavish spending and entourages were probably the downfall for the first three for sure.

Most athletes play for four to ten years if they are lucky. After they pay taxes (can be 40 to 50%) and agent fees and buy their first homes, cars, outfits, jewelry (plus, cars, clothes and jewelry for friends and family), they are left with very little. When they first “strike it rich” all of their longtime friends and family expect help. Most athletes feel obligated to help everyone out at first then they wise up. They also want to keep up with their teammates. If someone buys a Bentley, they have to buy one; if someone buys a $75,000 watch, they have to buy one to keep up the appearance. Then, of course, when the career ends and they are still living in a multi million dollar house, driving 3 expensive cars (and insurance), traveling in private planes and taking Limo’s when they go out on the town, reality sets in. The money dries up very quickly.

However, if athletes educate themselves, learn money management skills and make smart, safe investments along the way, they are usually in very good shape. After representing athletes for over 20 years, we call this our “life plan”. We take out clients on working vacations in the off season to places like Las Vegas, Cancun and on a cruise to the Bahamas to learn business networking. We have people from industries such as real estate, oil and gas, financial planning, credit repair, asset protection/estate planning, etc come to educate the players and their wives so they can learn about these business and also determine if they are interested in any of these industries for life after sports. One of the financial planners who comes always says most people die coming down from Mt. Everest not going up. The goal is for these athletes to get to their Mt. Everest AND to get down safely.

So, what do you think? Are the financial mistakes that athletes make any different than your mistakes or mine? They are certainly mistakes made with a higher downside. When we hear these stories are we just unable to comprehend that someone could have that much money and spend it all? Can we learn lessons on how to live our lives from their highly publicized financial gaffes? Do we even care at all?

With all due respect to Latrell Sprewell, we have our own families to feed…

In 2008 Sarah moved back to Chicago after six years in Los Angeles. While in LA, she worked as an Associate Producer at Fox Sports Net and did freelance acting, hosting and radio gigs. She managed to escape La-La Land with minimal brain damage and a renewed appreciation for Chicago, the greatest sports town in the world.

Back in the Windy City, Sarah spent a year as a reporter and writer for MouthpieceSports.com and now hosts the “Fantasy Players Minute” and does freelance reporting, writing and radio work for a variety of outlets, including The Big Ten Network and SportsIllustrated.com. A graduate of Cornell University, Second City alum and former collegiate and Junior Olympic athlete, Sarah combines intelligence and an acerbic wit with a deep love for sports.

Sarah thinks Edwardo’s pizza is the best in the city, Uggs should never be worn with miniskirts and proper grammar is paramount to success. She believes one can never be too competitive and that her “unhealthy” obsession with Michael Jordan is perfectly healthy. When she grows up, Sarah wants to be Kenny Mayne.

“No Spain, No Gain” is Sarah’s take on Chicago sports. Expect a little of this, a handful of that and a healthy dose of this kind of thing.

Tom has been the sports editor of The New York Times since February 2003. His previous posts at the Times include assistant news editor (2000-03); and assistant sports editor overseeing weekend coverage (1997-2000). Jolly graduated from Ohio Wesleyan University with a B.A. in journalism in 1977. He began his journalism career as a news reporter with the Delaware Gazette in Delaware, Ohio, in 1979. He was a news reporter and editor in news and sports with the Annapolis Capital (1982-85). He moved to the Pittsburgh Press in 1985 and was a deputy sports editor from 1987-92. After the Press was bought and closed by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, he was named associate sports editor of the Post-Gazette in January 1993, then joined the Times in August of that year.

Mike Fisher is an award-winning writer, author and TV and radio personality who has been honored by the Associated Press, USA Today, American Women in Television and Radio, HP.com and APSE for his three decades of work in print and broadcast journalism. He is the owner and publisher of DallasBasketball.com, a Mavs-centric website that is the largest and most popular of its kind, and he is an ESPN Radio personality.

“Fish’’ has worked extensively with some of the most respected names in sports business, including Jerry Jones, Troy Aikman, Eddie DeBartolo, Pat Summerall, Tom Landry, Michael Irvin, Bill Walsh, Jimmy Johnson, Carmen Policy, Craig James, Mike Modano, David McDavid, Donnie Nelson, Barry Switzer and Mark Cuban. Mike has been a print journalist and a radio-and-TV personality in DFW for almost 20 years. Mike, a former columnist at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, has also written two books; the forewards for those books are written by Mr. Aikman and Mr. Jerry Jones.

A proud resident of Texas since 1990 and the father of two teenage sons, Mike’s work in journalism, communications and public relations have taken him around the world. A fixture on the NFL and NBA scenes, he’s covered the NBA Finals, the World Series, the Stanley Cup, and 15 Super Bowls. Fish has covered events across the United States and around the globe, from Hawaii to Toronto to Mexico City to London to Japan.

Mike was a senior in high school at age 15, started college on scholarship at age 16, and graduated with honors from the University of Northern Colorado with degrees in Journalism and Communication. He has taught classes in his fields of expertise at the prep level, has been invited to teach at Texas Tech University, and was a “professor’’ at the Craig James School of Journalism, where he annually guided dozens of professional athletes readying to move into their business careers.

Mike Fisher’s efforts in journalism and communications have been featured in and/or endorsed in print by the Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated, the Dallas Morning News, GQ, People, Avid Golfer, USA Today, Deadspin, the New York Times, and many more. Before moving to 103.3 ESPN Radio, “Fish’’ was named “DFW Radio Personality of the Year’’ for his daily show on 570 KLIF. His on-air efforts have allowed him to be a contributor to NFL Films, NBC5, FOX, “Nightline,’’ ESPN and ABC’s “20/20.’’

To watch this great guest simply point your browser to http://www.briancuban.com/cuban-live at noon(CT) on Tuesday!