The 1970′s were great years for the Pirates and fans alike.  They were in contention practically every year. They won two World Series Championships in 1971 and 1979.  I loved going to games.  I often went with my two brothers.  Back in those days double headers prevalent.  My older brother would take me and my younger brother to a doubleheader. We would however first stop at the local deli for a corned beef sandwich, not to eat at the game, but to bribe the guard at the entrance to the box field seats to lets us in on our general admission tickets.  We would take the seats of those who had only stayed for the 1st game of the doubleheader.  I miss those days.  The glory days of The Pirates and my love for baseball.

My allegiance did not end with the good times.  I faithfully attended games through the Three Rivers Stadium wasteland of the 80′s.  The Pirates were not a good team but with the exception of a couple years they were never terrible. What was terrible was attendance. Pittsburgh as a city was struggling economically.  I remember attending games were there could not have been more than a few thousand in the stands.  Those days also seem like grand old times as I watch the ownership wasteland that is now the Pittsburgh Pirates.

It is a wasteland. A wasteland of total indifference to winning regardless of profits.  That’s a bold statement when you consider that the Pirates were for quite a few years were owned in part by the financially strapped city of Pittsburgh and some other local businesses.   A pre-revenue sharing ownership group that did not hide that fact that there was not much  money. It’s possible that I am romanticizing a much worse situation but I recall that they did the best they could with what they had. They were the last option in the game to prevent what would amount to a hostile takeover by another city which would have certainly resulted in the team leaving Pittsburgh.  Their job was to be as competitive as possible with what they had until they could find a buyer who would put some money into the team and take it to the level of greatest it achieved in the 70′s.  The irony is that with their limited resources, they almost did it on their own terms with the arrival of Barry Bonds and the Pirates near miss on the World Series in 1992.  That was the high point. It was a different era and different economics.

The low point is an ownership group that actually has money running a scorched earth business model, taking substantial revenue sharing, putting none of it into salaries and doing what with it?  Putting a AAA caliber ball club on the field and have the gall to insult our intelligence as to their major-league worthiness.  They have never really been clear about what is being done with revenue sharing profits other than to state that they are running the team in a fiscally responsible manner.  One theory is that they are using it to pay down team debt.  How is that not the same as putting it in your own pocket?   Whats the excuse for 2011?  We are young?  We will develop?  The line of every GM stuck with a stable of non-producing trades and busted Vegas lottery picks.  It’s akin to saying 110 degrees is not hot in Las Vegas because its a dry heat.  In the end dog-shit stinks regardless of what perfume rhetoric you pour on it…

The bizarre exchange occurred in Nutting’s office after the Pirates executed a series of questionable trades and player sales in a  roto rooter roster purge ending in the unloading almost all of their starting lineup in exchange for cash and a collection of unknowns who have failed to produce squat in 2010.  The Pirates in fact, appear to be on-track for the worst season in team history.  The  moves prompted the front page headline “WHO THE HELL ARE THESE GUYS” in the local Pittsburgh newspaper.  The following a a transcript of the recorded conversation.

Nutting: Come on in Neal, have a seat.

Huntington: I’m glad you called me in. I’m still unclear on a couple things about our team direction.

Nutting: Oh, really  Like what?

Huntington: We have traded away practically every decent player we have.  This will be the worst Pirates team ever and that’s saying something after 17 consecutive losing seasons.  I think Russell is going to quit and start selling Goodyears.  Who will manage the Pirates moving forward if he does.

Nutting: I was thinking of the Dos Equis Man. He will fit in quite well with our team concept.

Huntington: What exactly is our team concept?

Nutting: That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I want to put together a team that will help us relocate to Cuba

Huntington: Cuba?  Your joking.

Nutting: I’m serious about this Neal.  It’s no secret I’ve never liked Pittsburgh much. The weathers lousy, the downtown is a pit, the stadium’s too small,we cant draw dick and no one is reading my crappy newspapers. Another 2 years of this and I may need to start feeding  Ogden real dog food.

Huntington: You can’t just up and move a team on a whim!

Nutting: It’s hardly a whim.  Fidel has offered to build us a new stadium — 62,000   capacity, 45 V.I.P. boxes, and all rent to be subsided through sugar cane sales. No other franchise in baseball can match that deal.

Nutting: Whats more, Fidel has taken a liking to the Dos Equis Man.   Fidel personally told me he finds him incredibly interesting. Whats more, he looks like him.  He likes the commercials and thinks of him as the son he always wanted .  There is also a national Cuban Tequila brand rolling out that will provide some good marketing perks . I plan offering Mr. Equis a long term contract to replace Russell.  Fidel will be the starting 1st baseman in Spring Training. The job’s his to lose.

Huntington: You cant be serious!

Nutting: I’m not serious, my name is Robert, whats wrong with you….

Nutting: Whats more, we will be given the option of signing player development contracts with the parents of all promising Cuban prospects. We will have exclusive negotiating rights starting at 7 years old as well as their real birth certificates. We will corner the Cuban baseball talent market!

Huntington: Even so, the League and the City will never let us  leave Pittsburgh.  There is a lease and laws we have to deal with.

Nutting: I have that all figured out!   During the next off-season  I will  have us scheduled for an exhibition game in Cuba.   While we are in Cuba, under my authority as owner and in the best interests of baseball I will undertake a mass defection of the entire team.   The bottom line is that if we play bad enough no one will care if we defect and the players will love the sunny climate.

Huntington: You mean you want us to lose?

Nutting:  We’ve been losing.  I want us to finish dead last and set an all time loss record.  Speaking of which, I heard Mario Mendoza is making a comeback, offer him a 3 year deal and a free AARP membership.

Huntington: You are out of your mind!

Nutting: Well I still think print media is viable if that’s what you mean.

MORE TO FOLLOW!

©2010 Brian Cuban

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We all played our violins to death when we heard of Latrell Sprewell’s financial troubles. On Halloween 2004, Sprewell, who was in the final season of a $62-million five-year contract with the New York Knicks, said he was insulted by the Minnesota Timberwolve’s offer of a contract extension that was reportedly worth between $27 million and $30 million for three seasons. Sprewell stated, “I’ve got my family to feed.” That quote become a national moniker for the public perception of athletes as greedy, out of touch individuals. Apparently, Sprewell still can’t feed his family. His yacht was  repossessed and his home faced foreclosure.

While there is certainly the stereotype of the financially irresponsible NBA athlete, no professional sport is immune.

Let’s take a look at some high profile athlete financial sob stories over the years:

1. No one my age can forget Jack”The Ripper” Clark , star player for the Boston Red Sox who filed for bankruptcy in 1992 in the middle of his second year of a three-year, $8.7 million contract with Boston; he listed $6.7 million in debts. Jack was a master of financial planning and prudent asset acquisition. His bankruptcy petition listed assets such as 18 automobiles, including a 1990 Ferrari that cost $717,000 and three 1992 Mercedes Benz cars costing between $103,000 and $143,000. He owed money on 17 of the automobiles and was liable for about $400,000 in Federal and state taxes. He had also lost about $1 million in a drag-racing venture. Sounds like Jack would have been more at home in the NBA. You can read about it here

2. Johnny Unitas, Hall of Fame quarterback for the Baltimore Colts, filed for bankruptcy in 1991 citing numerous failed business ventures in his petition These failed bits included bowling alleys, land deals and restaurants. He filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 1991.

3. Mike Tyson The name speaks for itself. Mike’s bankruptcy was highly publicized. Despite earning hundreds of millions during his boxing career, Mike kept it simple. His bankruptcy petition simply stated: ” I am unable to pay my bills”. According to federal court records, his liabilities totaled about $27 million. You can read that story here.

4. Dorothy Hamill, the women’s figure-skating gold medalist in the 1976 Winter Games, filed for bankruptcy after a series of financial setbacks. Hamill said she has experienced financial setbacks as a result of poor financial investment advice and management.

These are just a few of many athletes’ tales of woe. It is not a phenomenon limited to professional sports — just ask M.C Hammer. Prior to his declaring bankruptcy, it was made public that his day to day living expenses far exceeded his income of $33 million. If I am going to veer off to celebrities, I certainly have to mention Kim Basinger and Michael Jackson and Nicholas Cage.

When the Toronto Star ran an article alleging that a shocking 60 percent of NBA athletes “go broke” five years after retiring, did we not all pull out that very tiny violin we have reserved for such occasions? The NBA players union and the NBA have both disputed that assertion. The article goes on to talk about all the people taking advantage of and “scamming” these athletes. While I have no doubt there is truth to this, I can also understand how such a generalization would make the NBA uncomfortable. It leaves you with the impression that 60 percent of NBA players are not only financially inept but also idiots in general. This is simply not true. While good business sense is often lacking, I view many of their mistakes as being more mistakes of trust, credibility and lack of life experience than anything else. Smart, busy people who can afford it, hire people with targeted expertise to help them. This allows them to focus on their expertise. Sometime mistakes are made and bad judgment is used in who we hire and hang out with. That is not unique to the NBA or professional sports. This happens to everyone. That is life. It happens all the time. It just does not make front page when we screw up. If there is any question at all as to how badly we as the general public screw up, just look at the personal bankruptcy filing statistics.

In order to get a perspective from the inside, I contacted Jordan Woy, a highly respected sports agent and a principal in the sports marketing/management firm of Schlegel Sports. Jordan has represented numerous high profile athletes

Here is what Jordon had to say:

I think there are several reasons why so many athletes “go broke”. First, whether it is a lottery winner, an athlete or a star entertainer, if they are not equipped with the knowledge on how to make and save money they are in trouble. When they didn’t earn it through disciplined business practices and they don’t have those skills they usually go through it quickly. Most lottery winners or athletes make a great deal of money in a short period of time. They start spending it on things that only go down in value (cars, jewelry, partying, entourage, etc) and start to evaporate the money they do have. They can carry this off until they stop earning big money. This is when the trouble starts. It is hard to believe that MC Hammer, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield and now Ed McMahon are broke. These are people who earned hundreds of millions over time and it disappeared. Lavish spending and entourages were probably the downfall for the first three for sure.

Most athletes play for four to ten years if they are lucky. After they pay taxes (can be 40 to 50%) and agent fees and buy their first homes, cars, outfits, jewelry (plus, cars, clothes and jewelry for friends and family), they are left with very little. When they first “strike it rich” all of their longtime friends and family expect help. Most athletes feel obligated to help everyone out at first then they wise up. They also want to keep up with their teammates. If someone buys a Bentley, they have to buy one; if someone buys a $75,000 watch, they have to buy one to keep up the appearance. Then, of course, when the career ends and they are still living in a multi million dollar house, driving 3 expensive cars (and insurance), traveling in private planes and taking Limo’s when they go out on the town, reality sets in. The money dries up very quickly.

However, if athletes educate themselves, learn money management skills and make smart, safe investments along the way, they are usually in very good shape. After representing athletes for over 20 years, we call this our “life plan”. We take out clients on working vacations in the off season to places like Las Vegas, Cancun and on a cruise to the Bahamas to learn business networking. We have people from industries such as real estate, oil and gas, financial planning, credit repair, asset protection/estate planning, etc come to educate the players and their wives so they can learn about these business and also determine if they are interested in any of these industries for life after sports. One of the financial planners who comes always says most people die coming down from Mt. Everest not going up. The goal is for these athletes to get to their Mt. Everest AND to get down safely.

So, what do you think? Are the financial mistakes that athletes make any different than your mistakes or mine? They are certainly mistakes made with a higher downside. When we hear these stories are we just unable to comprehend that someone could have that much money and spend it all? Can we learn lessons on how to live our lives from their highly publicized financial gaffes? Do we even care at all?

With all due respect to Latrell Sprewell, we have our own families to feed…

“We are aware that there have been allegations of sexual assault against NFL players attending charity golf tournaments.  Allegations against Ben Roethlisberger for his conduct at a Lake Tahoe Tournament and new allegations involving members of the Green Bay Packers at a Wisconsin golf tournament concern us. While all players are innocent until proven guilty, we feel we have no choice but to issue this safety advisory to all women to stay away from charity golf tournaments in which NFL players are participating. We must concede that the combination of alcohol, self entitlement, perceived legal impunity  and bad golfing creates an atmosphere of danger to women.  These events should therefore be avoided at all costs. When it is determined that our players can actually conduct themselves at these tournaments in a manner consistent with the law and the highest the expectations of the NFL, the advisory will be lifted.  -Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner

When reached for comment, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger , who is currently under suspension related to his conduct surrounding a separate alleged sexual assault(not a golf tourney) has this to say:

“I don’t feel there is any greater danger from me at a charity golf tournament than there is in a bar or at a ball game”.  I am also a hell of a golfer from the whites.”

Members of the Green Bay Packers declined comment on advise of counsel.

To top it off, this morning I woke up sitting naked in an seat in an empty American Airlines Center screaming “FREE RODDY B!”

After posting bail, I rushed home to see if I could self diagnose the mysterious symptoms that have overtaken my body.

I did an exhaustive Google search. I  researched medical journals. I even scheduled an emergency visit with a sports fan psychologist.  Much to my relief, I finally found the answer in an obscure article entitled “Sports Fanatic Psychosis, Diagnosis and Treatment“.  The article was put out by the South End Of The Island Of Grenada School Of Medicine. I am suffering from “Season Over Syndrome“(SOS). It turns out there are seven stages of “SOS”.

1.  SHOCK AND DENIAL

This feeling is generally manifested in a  heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after the season is over.  You find yourself with overwhelming feelings of sorrow and sympathy for players making millions of dollars per year who are already sitting on desert islands sipping Cuba Libre drinks, banging hot women and partying with the Dos Equis Man as they live vicariously through themselves.

2. PAIN AND GUILT

As your body goes through the withdrawal of countless nights of playoff drinking and debauchery, you suddenly realize that your condo has not been cleaned in weeks. Your  unwashed laundry stinks.  Your girlfriend has left you.  You can no longer see your feet or your “Johnson” from drinking and eating so much.  The fat slob in the mirror overwhelms you with pain and guilt.  The rest does not bother you that much.  That’s what maids and strip clubs are for.

3.  ANGER

Your guilt turns to increasing anger as you realize that you look like shit, your baseball team sucks, football is months away and your your now eliminated NBA team wont have a 1st round draft pick because they traded it for a Slobovian point guard named Meloosh.

4.  DEPRESSION AND LONELINESS

Just as all your friends think you are over the disappointment and ready to move on, you become very reflective of the season that was.  You begin inviting your friends over to show them your new Tops Basketball Card Collection and  watch endless reruns of movies like Hoosiers, The Fish That Save Pittsburgh, Celtic Pride, Like Mike, And Space Jam.  After one night of this, your friends begin discussing an SOS intervention behind your back.

5.  FEELING BETTER

You start to adjust to a boring summer without the benefit of good tickets to playoff games to pick up hot women. That’s ok though because the night club scene is improving.  Out of contention and out of work NBA players, groupies and douchebag wannabes converge on the club scene  with guns, entourage and gangsta attitude in tow.  “Celebrity Beatdowns“  are a weekly nightclub event.  They help wean you off the Jerry Springer and TMZ addictions that are  symptoms of SOS.

6.  RECONSTRUCTION AND REDEMPTION

November is rapidly approaching. Time to get your body back shape for the long grueling season. Pre-game happy hours, post game happy hours, post game private parties.  An intense heckling regime to be rehearsed.  Have to look good for the Jumbotron or any impromptu national television appearances.  The gym is now your best friend. Your team is not looking good for the new year so you have to be looking extra buff.  It’s exponentially harder to pick up chicks after a loss. You think Meelosh will be a bust.

7. ACCEPTANCE AND HOPE

As opening day gets closer, the trash talk of a new season begins. You once again begin to feel the hope of a the promised NBA title  despite a bunch of crappy mid-level exception signings, no bench and Meelosh as your starting center.

You will once again experience the joy of basketball, women and making a complete drunken idiot out of yourself all in the name of basketball fandom.  If the team wins you might even get laid this year.  Meelosh is coming around. Life is good.

Just one more high profile athlete having to scale back his lifestyle to the level to which you have I have been accustomed.  Why is it that athletes who seem to have everything are often completely unable to control anything related to finances? While Derrick’s financial demise has been attributed in part to public interest investments gone sour, is that all there is to it?  It seems like an all to familiar story-line.

We all played our violins to death when we heard of Latrell Sprewell’s financial troubles. On Halloween 2004, Sprewell, who was in the final season of a $62-million five-year contract with the New York Knicks, said he was insulted by the Minnesota Timberwolve’s offer of a contract extension that was reportedly worth between $27 million and $30 million for three seasons. Sprewell stated, “I’ve got my family to feed.” That quote become a national moniker for the public perception of athletes as greedy, out of touch individuals.  While there is certainly the stereotype of the financially irresponsible NBA athlete, no professional sport is immune.

Let’s take a look at some high profile athlete financial sob stories over the years:

1. No one my age can forget Jack”The Ripper” Clark , star player for the Boston Red Sox who filed for bankruptcy in 1992 in the middle of his second year of a three-year, $8.7 million contract with Boston; he listed $6.7 million in debts. Jack was a master of financial planning and prudent asset acquisition. His bankruptcy petition listed assets such as 18 automobiles, including a 1990 Ferrari that cost $717,000 and three 1992 Mercedes Benz cars costing between $103,000 and $143,000. He owed money on 17 of the automobiles and was liable for about $400,000 in Federal and state taxes. He had also lost about $1 million in a drag-racing venture. Sounds like Jack would have been more at home in the NBA. You can read about it here

2. Johnny Unitas, Hall of Fame quarterback for the Baltimore Colts, filed for bankruptcy in 1991 citing numerous failed business ventures in his petition These failed bits included bowling alleys, land deals and restaurants. He filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 1991.

3. Mike Tyson The name speaks for itself. Mike’s bankruptcy was highly publicized. Despite earning hundreds of millions during his boxing career, Mike kept it simple. His bankruptcy petition simply stated: ” I am unable to pay my bills”. According to federal court records, his liabilities totaled about $27 million. You can read that story here.

4. Dorothy Hamill, the women’s figure-skating gold medalist in the 1976 Winter Games, filed for bankruptcy after a series of financial setbacks. Hamill said she has experienced financial setbacks as a result of poor financial investment advice and management.

5.  Antoine Walker Despite earning a reported $110 million over the course of his 13-year NBA career, former player Antoine Walker is apparently broke. According to the Boston Globe the 33-year-old 6th overall draft pick of 1996 was in trouble, accused of  writing bad checks to different casinos, totaling $1 million. The Globe is also reported that Walker owed more than $4 million to his creditors.

These are just a few of many athletes’ tales of woe. It is not a phenomenon limited to professional sports — just ask M.C Hammer. Prior to his declaring bankruptcy, it was made public that his day to day living expenses far exceeded his income of $33 million. If I am going to veer off to celebrities, I certainly have to mention Kim Basinger and Michael Jackson.

When the Toronto Star ran an article alleging that a shocking figure that 60 percent of NBA athletes “go broke” five years after retiring, did we not all pull out that very tiny violin we have reserved for such occasions?  The NBA players union and the NBA have both disputed that figure. The article goes on to talk about all the people taking advantage of and “scamming” these athletes. While I have no doubt there is truth to this, I can also understand how such a generalization would make the NBA uncomfortable. It leaves you with the impression that 60 percent of NBA players are not only financially inept but also idiots in general. This is simply not true. While good business sense is often lacking, I view many of their mistakes as being more mistakes of trust, credibility and lack of life experience than anything else. Smart, busy people who can afford it, hire people with targeted expertise to help them. This allows them to focus on their expertise. Sometime mistakes are made and bad judgment is used in who we hire and hang out with. That is not unique to the NBA or professional sports. This happens to everyone. That is life. It happens all the time. It just does not make front page when we screw up. If there is any question at all as to how badly we as the general public screw up, just look at the personal bankruptcy filing statistics.

In order to get a perspective from the inside, I contacted Jordan Woy, a highly respected sports agent and a principal in the sports marketing/management firm of Schlegel Sports. Jordan has represented numerous high profile athletes

Here is what Jordon had to say:

I think there are several reasons why so many athletes “go broke”. First, whether it is a lottery winner, an athlete or a star entertainer, if they are not equipped with the knowledge on how to make and save money they are in trouble. When they didn’t earn it through disciplined business practices and they don’t have those skills they usually go through it quickly. Most lottery winners or athletes make a great deal of money in a short period of time. They start spending it on things that only go down in value (cars, jewelry, partying, entourage, etc) and start to evaporate the money they do have. They can carry this off until they stop earning big money. This is when the trouble starts. It is hard to believe that MC Hammer, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield and now Ed McMahon are broke. These are people who earned hundreds of millions over time and it disappeared. Lavish spending and entourages were probably the downfall for the first three for sure.

Most athletes play for four to ten years if they are lucky. After they pay taxes (can be 40 to 50%) and agent fees and buy their first homes, cars, outfits, jewelry (plus, cars, clothes and jewelry for friends and family), they are left with very little. When they first “strike it rich” all of their longtime friends and family expect help. Most athletes feel obligated to help everyone out at first then they wise up. They also want to keep up with their teammates. If someone buys a Bentley, they have to buy one; if someone buys a $75,000 watch, they have to buy one to keep up the appearance. Then, of course, when the career ends and they are still living in a multi million dollar house, driving 3 expensive cars (and insurance), traveling in private planes and taking Limo’s when they go out on the town, reality sets in. The money dries up very quickly.

However, if athletes educate themselves, learn money management skills and make smart, safe investments along the way, they are usually in very good shape. After representing athletes for over 20 years, we call this our “life plan”. We take out clients on working vacations in the off season to places like Las Vegas, Cancun and on a cruise to the Bahamas to learn business networking. We have people from industries such as real estate, oil and gas, financial planning, credit repair, asset protection/estate planning, etc come to educate the players and their wives so they can learn about these business and also determine if they are interested in any of these industries for life after sports. One of the financial planners who comes always says most people die coming down from Mt. Everest not going up. The goal is for these athletes to get to their Mt. Everest AND to get down safely.

So, what do you think? Are the financial mistakes that athletes make any different than your mistakes or mine? They are certainly mistakes made with a higher downside. When we hear these stories are we just unable to comprehend that someone could have that much money and spend it all? Can we learn lessons on how to live our lives from their highly publicized financial gaffes? Do we even care at all?

With all due respect to Latrell Sprewell, we have our own families to feed…

At the same time, I was stunned by a similarity between singles scene as the NBA:

Life imitates art. Basketball imitates life. Especially in social interactions.

I saw all kinds (as I often do), not all of them enviable kinds. There were the 30K Millionaires, the Cougars, the GoldDiggers and the MackDaddy D-bags, and I saw all kinds of similarities between the social interactions I witnessed out on the singles scene and the great game of hoops.

Let’s lace up those high-tops for a walk onto the hardwood court of Dallas (and note that I believe it’s largely the same for any big-city nightlife where a basketball season is played out). There are no points for second place. The winners hit nothing but net while the losers head home alone and whine the next morning about how they gave their best. The only way you can only get a “clear path” to the basket” view of all this is if you are living outside the 3-point line.

To watch this game – and to maybe be more than a baseline season-ticket-holder — I had to re-learn all I knew about basketball and how it applied to the nightlife scene. Once I had finished learning the rules and different offensive (sometimes very offensive!) and defensive sets, a night out in Dallas became more entertaining than watching the NBA Finals.

Well, almost

In order to see what I saw and know what I know you have to have a basic understanding of basketball “terminology” as it applies to both the NBA and the nightclub scene. Once you have this understanding you will never look at a bar or nightclub in the same light. Here are some of the terms you need to understand:

“Palming”: The act of adjusting oneself in a nightclub right in front of your buddy/wingman and the hot girl you are talking to. This is a change in possession foul and you must now transfer possession of the hot girl to your buddy.

“Slam-dunk”: The last drunk girl in the bar at 2 a.m.

“Full Court Press’’: Within 15 minutes of meeting a girl in a bar you have given her your phone number, certified financial statement, recent HIV test and two round-trip tickets to Vegas for the next day. You’ve even sent flowers sent to the girl … while still in the bar.

“Flagrant Foul”: At the very moment the hottest girl in the bar is handing you her telephone number, your best buddy, say, picks his nose. This is a two-shot foul. You retain possession. Your buddy must buy two shots of any drink you choose for you and any girl you want the rest of the night.

“Double-Double”: You figure it out…

“Triple Double”: U DA MAN!

“Clear Path Foul:’’ You picked up the hottest girl in the club. She has told you how much she wants you. You are on your way back to your place. She pukes all over your car.

“Fast Break”: You’ve just arrived, you have not even valeted the car yet and your buddy is coming out of the nightclub, hot girl on his arm.

“Traveling”: You live in Dallas. She lives in Fort Worth. This is a change-of-possession foul – but only if your buddy doesn’t care where she lives.

“24-Second Violation’’: You meet a hot girl. You spend the first 25 seconds talking about your millions in the bank, new Maserati, your listing on the Forbes 400 and your Gulfstream while your three roommates look on. This is also known as a “30K Millionaire Violation.” It is a turnover – she turns herself over to the next guy in the bar who actually owns a Maserati or Gulfstream.

“Double Dribble”: You forget to tie your shoes. Just as you are about to hand your girl her drink, you trip and spill both drinks on her. This is a change-in-possession foul as your buddy because your buddy uses it against you. She agrees and goes home with him.

“Back-Court Violation”: Your posse is in the club. You have drink in hand when you realize your driver was denied entrance because he wore tennis shoes, thus violating the dress-to-impress code.

“Alley-Oop”: Your buddy generously hands off to you that last drunk girl in the bar at 2 am. You are hoping to convert to a “slam dunk.’’

“Moving Screen”: Your buddy is not getting near that girl. She is going home with you!

“Blocking Foul”: Just as the hottest girl in the club is handing you her phone number … this is gonna be good. … your buddy approaches and and is nice enough to report that he found your wedding ring on the floor.

“Offensive Foul”: You had Italian for dinner. You’re about to kiss your girl goodnight — on the cheek, because you’re a gentleman — when you burp just a little. Is that a piece of spaghetti that’s landed on her cheek? Another turnover. To anybody. As long as it’s not you.

“Technical Foul”: She told you she was 21 when you bought her a drink. This is an ejection. A one-game suspension. And a timeout. … maybe to be spent in a 4×6 with bars.

“Offensive Rebound”: It is not your fault your buddy can’t close.

“Tip Off”: You spy something on her neck. It is suspicious. It appears that the attractive woman you are looking at has an Adam’s Apple.’’

“Two-Minute Warning”: It’s last call. You struck out. Your designated driver has left and you have no cab fare. Time for more “traveling.’’ Because you’re walking home.

There’s the rules of the game. And unlike the NBA regular season, which must come to again, in the nightlife scene, every weekend brings a playoff round!

©2010 Brian Cuban

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David Letterman admits to numerous affairs with women in his office, something definitely worthy of d-bag status. Yet he becomes the sympathetic victim when all of the blackmail allegations are revealed.

Mike Leach, his supporters and Adam James bashers should take heed and proceed with caution. The “Letterman Effect” tipping points in such matters are unpredictable and can happen over-night.

Adam Jones is already a victim to some extent.   There will be no dispute that he had a concussion. There will be no dispute that he was put in this “shed” for some currently unknown reason.  All of the email and radio pundit bashing his work-habits/ attitude may be accurate but in the end his work-habits and attitude are not relevant to the determination of what Leach did to him was appropriate.  If this type of punishment has never been used on another player it will not take an F. Lee Bailey type to argue that Adam James was in fact the one retaliated against.  The more James becomes the victim, the more difficult it will be for Leach to claim that his treatment of James was used as a pre-text to fire him for other reasons.  Public perception can change on a dime.

Finally, people who feel victimized find it very easy to file lawsuits to vindicate their victim status. Leach will certainly file his.  The more James is publicly perceived as a victim the more likely he will be to use that to his advantage in his own lawsuit.  While one would think James’s father would put the brakes on such action ,these types of downhill snowballs have a way of rolling over a logical decision making process.

According to ESPN:

“A source close to James’ family told ESPN’s Joe Schad that James sustained a concussion on Dec. 16, was examined the following day and told not to practice because of the injury and an elevated heart rate. The source said Leach called a trainer and directed him to move James “to the darkest place, to clean out the equipment and to make sure that he could not sit or lean. He was confined for three hours.”

If even remotely true, that’s all Tech needed to know.  To keep Leach would be a disaster moving forward with an alleged fact scenario conjuring images of torture regardless of motivational motives.  James was a college football player, not an al-Qaeda operative being interrogated.   What about future recruiting?  The new standard punch-line question for parents from schools competing against Tech for recruits would be to ask if they really wanted their injured son locked in a closet unable to sit or stand. There was also a much bigger-picture legal concern than some pissed  off students and alumni who you would expect to come to Leach’s defense.

If Texas Tech did not fire Leach, they would be trying his case over and over both in a court of law and in the court of public opinion every single time a parent did not like the way their son/athlete was treated after an injury.

It would not be limited to football.  In every sport at Tech, when a student suffered questionable treatment by a coach when claiming injury, parents could point at Tech’s retention of Leach and claim they condoned the conduct.  The only way to cure this was to cut off the head ending it right here.

Leach will sue. His reputation and future as a coach is on the line.  Tech knows this and is expecting it.  It will not go to trial.  Leach will make noise about wanting vindication and taking it to verdict but in the end he does not want the facts played out in court any more than Tech. They will make an offer, there will be a confidentiality agreement and everyone will move on.  Leach will coach again.  Schools with football programs have short memories when winners come knocking.

Was Fox Sports being too “politically correct”?

They were both suspended by the Fox Sports Prime Ticket cable network for their comments about Memphis center Hamed Haddadi.  Haddadi is Irania born. The exchange occurred during a telecast of a game against Memphis. The transcript as reported in the LA times reads as follows:

Smith: “Look who’s in.”

Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?”

Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” (Smith pronounced Iranian as “Eye-ranian,” a pronunciation that offended the viewer who complained.)

Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation.

Smith: “He’s the only one.”

Lawler: “He’s from Iran?”

Smith: “I guess so.”

Lawler: “That Iran?”

Smith: “Yes.”

Lawler: “The real Iran?”

Smith: “Yes.”

Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.”

Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?”

Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.”

Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.”

Smith: “Especially the post players.

Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”

Political correctness run amok or appropriate discipline?

The answer is in the question.  Basketball is about sports competition, not politics.

Regardless of the lack of ill intent or intended humor in the exchange, there is no place for racial or off-color ethnic comedy in the NBA announcer’s booth.

Ralph Smith and Michael Lawler were employed by Fox for one purpose and one purpose only, to provide BASKETBALL related play by play and color commentary for NBA basketball games. The moment they strayed into “off-color”commentary where we have to debate “political correctness” they were unacceptably outside the scope of  their job descriptions whether it was about an Iranian, Jew or Muslim.(Ironically Sacha Baron Cohen is in fact Jewish)

Let’s leave  the debate over “political correctness” to the varied content of Fox News.  Fox Sports is supposed to be about sports.  Fox knew this and took appropriate action.  I suspect that Smith and Lawler while not happy about it, agree with and understand the action taken.  Kudos to Fox for keeping their eye on the basketball.

(Exchange begins at 1:01)

Don is a  huge MFFL(Mavs Fan For Life) and widely considered the Dallas Mavericks if not best dressed, most uniquely dressed fan.

Don’s “statement” outfits often find their way onto the High Definition Jumbo-tron as well as  local and national television broadcasts.