I was walking to the gym the other day and passed by a line at least 1/2 mile long. I did not see anyone in that line that appeared to be over 25 with many pre-teens and parents. I thought they were giving away free Miley Cyrus tickets. When I realized the line was for the new Apple 3G iPhone, a wave of “Blackberry Inadequacy” rushed over me. I immediately whipped out my Blackberry Curve and sent an email to myself to prove that Blackberry reigns supreme. When the email instantly popped up, I felt an instant wave of self-reassuring peace come over me better than any high the crack bum under the local freeway was getting at that moment in time.

I recently read an article about a push by law firms to ban the use of Blackberrys at high-level meetings with a “no device policy” Good luck with that. I don’t know of any meeting important enough to distract me from my CNN breaking news alerts or email notification that I have a new Facebook friend.

What can be more satisfying than being in an important meeting, being asked something I don’t know, stepping outside, googling for the answer and coming back in armed with a wikis worth of the info asked for as well as the latest ESPN scores and a new date from Match.com. (I was rejected by E-Harmony).

My blackberry has a name(Spartacus). My blackberry never leaves my head, my hand, my mind, my dreams, my ambitions, my desires. Anyone who tries to separate me from my Blackberry will incur the wrath of Spartacus.

If they did a study on it, I would be willing to bet that the rush of seeing that new mail icon on a Blackberry is equivalent to shooting up heroin.

It is only a matter of time before membership in BA(Blackberry Anonymous) eclipses Alcoholics Anonymous.
“Blackberry Service Outage Rage” is getting right up there with road rage and high school shootings

I have also heard that there is a push to include “Blackberry Personality Disorder” and “Blackberry Separation Anxiety” as accepted mental illnesses in the New DSM4 and used as a defense in criminal trials. I know I have conversations with my Blackberry Don’t you? Mine also talks back to me. Doesn’t yours? I will forever defend my God given right revel in the superiority of my Blackberry over iPhone. Give me my Crackberry or Give me Death!

©2008 Brian Cuban