I purchased a new set of headphones at Best Buy. Mine died of natural causes. I am one of those people that cannot work out unless I am listening to something so it was imperative that I got a new set before my next workout. I thought I had it planned out perfectly. I would buy the headphones, run home, get my gym stuff and be ready to rock and roll!
I found a cool pair that I liked. I got them home. Everything was going as planned. I guess I never really noticed or thought about the fact that they were enclosed in this big thick plastic case. The kind that need to be opened with a phaser or a Jedi light saber. No big deal. I would just get the scissors out and I am ready to go. There were no scissors to be found.
So here we go… I ripped it with my hands, stomped it with my feet, tore it with my teeth, fed it to my dog, fed it to my cat, stabbed it, jabbed it, prayed over it and cursed it. It just smiled back at me laughing, still snugly encased in its plastic kryptonite home. Where is Superman when you need him? Finally in a fit of rage, I took a knife and wildly stabbed at. I completely missed it and impaled my hand. I screamed loudly and throw the package across the room. I heard my cat scream. I looked over and it had sliced off the end of her tail.
After I bandaged my hand, I picked up the cat and the headphones and headed for the vet. On the way to the vet I look at the headphones and they were still in their plastic case laughing at me. I decided that I would have the last laugh and tossed them onto the highway to face a gruesome end by tire squash.
I got my cats tail re-attached. I got my hand stitched and headed home. I was stopped at a red light and out of the corner of my eye I saw a homeless guy wearing my headphones and petting his cat. He was obviously smarter that I was! 
I missed my workout.
Question to ponder? What is the point of these “kryptonite cases”? Medieval Chastity Belts were probably easier to break into. Somebody please tell me who invented it so I can send him or her my vet bill.
©2009 Brian Cuban












February 19th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
omg.. poor kitty, those bastard headphones
February 19th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Bad knife. Bad headphones. Bad Brian. lol
February 19th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
The worst thing is they sell headphones in those cases at airports, where you don't even have access to a knife.
Imagine the carbon footprint of all that packaging. Can't we get them banned, for the children?
February 20th, 2009 at 6:10 am
Thanks for the free phones, enjoy your hand
February 20th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I hate packaging like that. I've often thought I'm likely to rip a finger off or something in opening it up. What prick came up with the idea?
February 21st, 2009 at 1:02 am
you can workout some other time… poor cat. but funny
February 22nd, 2009 at 6:08 am
your a bad person, i wish that you would give your cat to a better person.
February 22nd, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Forget Superman! Sounds like a job for Elena Volvakok aka KGB spy also doing business as Austin Girl. http://www.funnyordie.com/austingirl You are funny dude. Why aren't you writing for SNL? (Sorry about kitty).
February 27th, 2009 at 5:24 am
Oh the curse of those plastic steel-like encasements that take super human efforts to open. In 2 words – they suck.