I can immediately solve the problem of athletes who for one reason or another feel the need to carry firearms. I have the solution for Plaxico Burress and every other professional athlete who feels a sense of entitlement and necessity to pack heat while out and about because they feel unsafe, targets of opportunity, put upon, or just simply irritated by us non-recognizable types who are only packing a credit card and some bullshit lines to try on women when we hit the clubs. If you are a professional athlete and listen to my advice, you will never feel the need to “go heavy” into the night again. We will all be safer for it. Here it is. Pay close attention.
Immediately quit your job with your NFL team, NBA team, MLB team etc. Immediately take a job digging ditches or working at Jack In The Box. You will no longer have the famous name. You will no longer have the millions of dollars. You will no longer have the wads of cash. You will no longer have the blingy bling. You will no longer be walked passed the line into the hot night clubs with that sense of entitlement to pack heat, break the law and endanger the rest of us every day anonymous schmos who dont know you from adam. Every reason you had for packing will disappear overnight. You will now be one of us anonymous schmos who expect the only people packing arounds are those who are doing so legally. Do all of this and your problems will be solved. I can even help you out right now. The Jack down the street from me is hiring.
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December 1st, 2008 at 10:20 am
Brian – thanks for getting right on it and being one of the first voices to sensibly and smartly call it like it should be.
December 2nd, 2008 at 2:56 am
Who needs to assume responsibility here? The NFL, the team, or the athlete. Is the NFL responsible for teaching athletes about how money can affect rational thought?
December 2nd, 2008 at 6:03 am
Envy much? How about all the anonymous schmos who work at the 'Jack' down the street from you and everyplace else that are carrying guns illegally?
December 2nd, 2008 at 6:54 am
Its all about understanding the situation. If they have little brain left in them, they won't ever use weapons unnecessarily.
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
right on point!
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:44 am
I suspect the celebrities that pack heat are doing so out of a desire to compensate for small dicks.
The anonymous scho working at the "Jack" down the street carries a piece illegally because he is compensating for a small dick AND emulate the gangster rappers they idolize.
The rest of us are strapped for one or all of the following three reasons: 1) We fear getting car jacked. 2) We're hoping some idiot car jacks us so that we can unload our clip in his ass.
3) Because we can and it makes us feel tough.
Yay guns!