It was about a year ago today that I became a member of one of the most difficult and at the same time easiest groups to become a member of. It is a very exclusive club of people who all share one common goal and for the purposes of this club this is all we talk about and all we care about. It is a club that changed the direction of my life, clarified my life and probably saved my life. I count the members of this club as my second family….
Why is it the most difficult club to get into? Because you have to have a desire to stop drinking. Why is it the easiest to get into to? Because the only requirement for membership is a simple desire to stop drinking. Quite the paradox….
Ironically if you would have asked me a year and a day ago if I would ever become a member of this club, I would have looked at you like you were from Mars. Why? I was not homeless. I didn’t live under a bridge. I had a job and my family loved me. To be a member of this club, I had always thought you had to be a homeless, unemployed, crack smoking bum pan handling people for money at the local intersection.
I had a great job, great girlfriend, my family loved me, a famous last name that got me into clubs, restaurants broke the ice in conversations where I normally would have stood ignored in corner being incredibly shy.
Along with all this, I loved to go out with my buddies. I would tell you what bar or club was the place to be on any night of the week. I would go out at least 3 times a week. This meant I was drinking at least three times a week. This never seemed like any big deal to me because all my buddies were doing the same thing. I was having a great time. Never had to wait in line anywhere. Never had to stand anywhere. Everyone wanted to buy me drinks. Why shouldn’t I always have a drink in my hand…….. There was no one to tell me that going out drinking that many times and sometimes more a week is not a good thing no matter how hold you are or how you slice it. Then again, why should anyone have to tell me this? I am a grown man right? Frankly if I looked at all the stupid decisions I have made in my life-80 percent of them started with one of those nights out.
Again, its seemed no big deal to me because everyone I hung out with was doing the same thing. Completely socially acceptable in my book as long as I never strayed from those circles.
Was I an alcoholic? Well if I was than all my buddies where as well. I knew that wasn’t possible so it was all good. In further rationalization, I noted to myself that I had not been convicted of DWI, never been to rehab, was employed, nice home etc. I had only changed my phone number 5 times in the last year which to me was completely normal. When I had to, I simply adjusted my moral plane to account for all drunken embarrassing acts and mouth openings so that was all good. I also never drove drunk which to me was the primary indicator of an alcoholic. I either had a driver or took a cab. Of course this just allowed me to party even harder when I went out since I knew I was not driving. The logic of a true attorney….
So what traumatic event happened that caused me to finally walk through those AA doors? I had a blackout. I went out for one of my normal partying sessions and the next thing I knew it was a day later. Could not remember one thing that happened. The first blackout I had ever had. Scary as shit to not remember and have people tell you what an idiot you were…. I knew other people who had alcohol blackouts and I always thought they were funny as shit…. When it happens to you and you start playing through all of the “what ifs” it loses its humor instantly.
That blackout was absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life…
If I had not blacked out that weekend in April last year, I would probably still be going out every night of the week, taking days to recover, not getting work done(I was lucky as shit that my brother was my boss), and basically standing still in time with no forward movement in any aspect of my life. I wont even address the “what ifs” that are a lot worse……
That blackout gave me the “moment of clarity” I needed to determine that enough was enough. It was time to live instead of exist.
I found out when and where the AA meetings where. I walked to the front door, knowing I may be recognized, embarrassed and scared. I walked in. I was recognized, embarrassed and scared.
I was recognized as someone who wanted to take control of his life and welcomed with a hug like I had been coming for years. I sat through the first meeting and listened to people just like me talk about their stories. They talked about lows lower than I could ever imagine. Many had lost everything. Many who had lost everything had started just like I did. Just out having a good time. A good time night out ending with wiping out a family while driving drunk….They talked about prison, being homeless, losing family, losing self, losing everything. Many also seemed like your normal successful people who you never would guess in million years. Many came from alcoholic families. Many like me, had no history at all in their family. Alcoholism is an equal opportunity disease.
They also talked about highs from sobriety that I didn’t think I would ever see. Great changes in their lives. People who had not taken a drink in 30 and 40 years and loving life. Believe me, when you are sitting at day one that seems like pipe dream…..There were lawyers, doctors, salespeople, engineers, actors, college students, high school students…. You name it , the group was represented…. Everyone had their own story. Everyone had the same goal… To stop drinking….
That first meeting I was given what is called a “desire chip” It is an AA coin that is an outward sign of an inward desire to stay sober for 24 hrs. It was suggested that I go to 90 meetings in 90 days so I did that as well. Sometimes I went to two meetings a day.
Stopping drinking was not the most difficult thing I had never done. Not by a long shot. It was the easy part. What was the hard part? The hard part was to acknowledge that if I wanted to stay sober I would have to make a 180 degree turn in my lifestyle. This meant acknowledging that if my party buddies were also not making that change, something had to give. It is always easier to take the path of least resistance and stay part of the group to avoid change. The path of the most resistance is to break ties with that and move in a different direction.
No one wants to be alone. Everyone wants to be part of a peer group. Everyone wants to be wanted. Your best buddy is not going to be your best buddy anymore if you don’t go out and get drunk with them…… Your true friends will always be there and do you really want the ones who base your friendship on your ability to party like a rock star?
Making that change was ten thousand times harder than not taking a drink. It was hard until I saw that 90 percent of the world didn’t live like that anyways. I didn’t know that because I only hung out with the ones who did live that way. I survived. The true friends stayed my friends. We found other ways to socialize.
The rest continued on without me. They continued on to the tune of one drug related suicide and overdose in the year since I quit drinking.
I will be honest here. There are a lot of things about the AA philosophy that I have not bought into. Most people have heard of “The 12 Steps” A year into the program I am on step 3. I have been there for a while. I may never move to step 4. One thing I learned in AA was to figure today out and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Nine times out of ten when tomorrow comes it is not near the disaster that it looked today and so what if it is. People who have never taken a drink deal with problems and tragedy all the time and they manage.
Maybe it is the attorney in me, but I question everything. Have to know the background, research etc. That is tough in AA because so much of it is based on simple faith in the program. A year later I am still full of questions…
I do have one answer however. The answer as to whether AA works. At least for me the answer is yes. The last year has been without question, absolutely the best most eventful, the most forward moving year of my entire life.
My name is Brian and I am a damm proud and grateful alcoholic…..
For anyone interested in the Dallas area, you can find a list of meetings here. For anyone living elsewhere, you can find the national AA web site here.
Copyright 2009
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April 8th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Brian – congratulations on your first (of many) years of being sober and living the life you choose with the support of true friends…those you care most about.
April 8th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Brian,
I applaud you my friend. I applaud you for your courage. I am certain it hasn’t been an easy year for you. Thanks for your story. I know it took courage to write it. Keep the faith.
April 8th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
You’re prbably tired of hearing it, but I don’t think people gets tired of learning about stories like yours: Good Job!
April 8th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Brian,
I saw your story on Digg. It’s really great. Thanks for sharing this. Would you be okay if I reprinted your story (with credit and links to you) on PatMooreFoundation.com? It’s a non-profit rehab center in Orange County. They do good work and I think their alum and visitors would like your story. We’re also building out a section on AA and alcoholism. This would be super to include. Let me know what you think. Again, this is really awesome. Max
April 8th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Your story rings true for me. I too had a life changing blackout that scared me shitless.
Were you the one that put it on FARK? (it was not greenlit for the main page)
April 8th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Brian:
Looks like you have already heard this, but I’ll say it again. This is an amazing story. You are courageous beyond measure to write about it. I wish I could say more to describe it! Thank you.
sg
April 8th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Congratulations. As a fellow lawyer and (very) functional alcoholic for 18 years, I made the decision to quit drinking 51 days ago. So far, so good. Your blog was an inspiration.
April 8th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Thank goodness it was only a blackout and not something more serious to turn you around. My father was an alcoholic from the time he was 14 years old until he was 56 when he had to quit drinking after having carotid artery surgery to clear an 85% blockage to the brain. Though it was mostly caused by smoking, I’m sure the drinking didn’t help it any.
The true measure of strength is the ability to decide to change and not remain the same.
April 8th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Thank you, Brian! This is very helpful! I will definitely forward this to all my friends as well! Take care!
April 9th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Ironically I can relate in terms of surronding yourself with certain people and spending your nights at certain places. Almost 2 years ago for a period of about 2-3 months I began doing cocaine on a regular basis, of course it started out as just a Friday night dancing @ the Ghostbar but quickly escalated. I wouldn’t say I was addicted at all because I did stop by myself but only because I saw what it was doing to me. I know why it happened. I was rebelling and acting out against a boyfriend and also was changing significantly internally which was unsettling and confusing. I did pretty much what you did, I cut all of those friends out of my life and completely gave up the club lifestyle. I was offered cocaine a few weeks ago, and it was so easy to say no. I had not desire and am such a health fanatic I can’t believe I ever subjected my body to that.
April 9th, 2008 at 2:35 am
Awesome story. I too am recovering, and hope you find what you need to stay sober 1 day at a time.
April 9th, 2008 at 5:43 am
Thanks for sharing. I share too.
http://www.whatwinnersdo.com
Let’s help each other.
April 9th, 2008 at 7:05 am
As far as the going out and drinking every night, been there, done that . . . but then I left Dallas and all was well.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:15 am
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
You might want to ask your sponsor about this blog post …
April 9th, 2008 at 9:17 am
[Dr. Bob] said there were two ways to break the Anonymity Tradition: (1) by giving your name at the public level of press or radio; (2) by being so anonymous that you can’t be reached by other drunks. – Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers, page 264
April 9th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
YEAAAAA…….this is a huge thing to celebrate!!
April 9th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Brian,
I have blogged almost every day for almost a year. I have written nothing nearly as good as your post today. I have no doubt your story will change lives, especially within our profession.
Sincerely,
Robert Guest
April 9th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Brian:
It has been five years since we first started discussing how to help the seriously wounded and their families. Before I picked up the phone to return the call of another family of a seriously wounded Marine without health insurance, I read your email and clicked on the blog entry. I am left with the feeling that you are going to have a lot to offer in service and friendship as you move on earning your sobriety coins. May I suggest that you look at encouraging the local criminal courts to create a diversion part for active duty and veterans coming into the system. Staffing the courts with available VA counselors and other resources to stop the downward spiral that I observed as a young Assistant DA with some of the Vietnam vets could be a model for the country in its’ treatment of vets. That is, if Texas wants to be first in something (You could use some of that $140 million a year from Texas Crime Victim fees to set up the diversion parts).
Congratulations on your success. Time, once again, to help pass it on.
Larry from New York
April 9th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Great story, Brian. Very courageous! You’re my new hero!
Matt
April 11th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
# Anon Says:
April 9th, 2008 at 9:15 am edit
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
You might want to ask your sponsor about this blog post …”
To Anon:
I have not posted your other “rants” as all they do is perpetuate the unfortunate stereotype that AA is a “cult” and cause people to not seek help.
Brian Cuban
April 13th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Brian,
Congrats on your year. It takes what it takes for all of us.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Well done!
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:14 pm
if you can be sober without working the 12 steps of AA you are not an alcoholic. you are probably the Hard Drinker. No offense, grab a copy of AA there are several description of an alcoholic.
“”"Whether such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”"”"
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:52 pm
The only further comment I will make on this until my next year anniversary is that since I posted this I have received so much support and good will from those who know me and those who don’t. Thank you to everyone who has emailed me and commented here wishing me well.
On a more negative note, I have also been amazed by the number of AA big book thumping hard core “old timers” who have never met me or who I suspect know me from meetings and are to chicken shit to confront me but feel the need to send me anonymous emails telling me what my recovery program should be and how I will for sure be drunk tomorrow unless I subscribe to their version of what my program should be. The number of hard core old timers who have sent me hateful emails with unrepeatable language for outing myself..
To all those people… the Jim Jones/David Koresch cool aid glasses are in the next room… I have no doubt you would drink it if the Big Book said doing so would keep you sober…
In other words, your comments as objective statements of your program and what keeps YOU sober are welcome and valued.
As to your arrogant Big Book quoting hot air statements telling me what MY recovery program should be and your asinine “dry drunk” predictions of my future sobriety… MIND YOUR OWN F***KING BUSINESS!
See now I am irritated, rather than take a drink I think I will stop writing and hit a meeting and say the serenity prayer…
The end of my thoughts on this subject until April 8, 2009.
May 3rd, 2008 at 10:03 pm
@anonymous: using your logic, no one alcoholic on this earth has ever gotten sober without the help of AA. I am sorry but that statement makes you the poster child for every person out there who thinks AA is a bunch of brainwashed, zombified cult members who can not think for themselves… No offense…
May 4th, 2008 at 2:36 am
Just one Question:
Can you walk into a Bar with Friends and walk out drinking just soft-drink while your friends have beer or hard-drink? Try to do more than a few occasions.
May 4th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
@anonymous: Are you trying to convince me or yourself? I already have a sponsor thanx. Work your own program.
May 4th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I am working THE program. As a result, i can now host parties where liquor is served for the guest. I can go to Bars/Restaurants without worrying about being tempted. I can walk by the wine/beer aisle (at food-marts) without being scared that i may pick a six pack. I can go to gas stations not to be tempted by the flashy beer neon lights. Go on cruise, fly a free man.
I bet you picked a sponsor who never worked the steps. Who just says: “Don’t pick a drink and go to meetings”!!!!
May 4th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
@anonymous: good for you for working YOUR program. You should be proud of what you have accomplished. That is as it should be.
I don’t know you and I feel safe in saying you probably had a terrible bottom. The big book thumpers who are holding on so tight and are threatened by anyone who is happy without doing it their way generally have had very low bottoms. Big difference between us- I have never been scared of six packs and liquor stores or parties with alcohol. I simply had a desire to stop drinking and felt I needed help to do it. That is all that is required for membership.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
If you read the long form of the 3rd tradition, it was created to avoid discrimination.
“Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.”
The tradition aside, Do you see the issue here? Todays’ AA is infiltrated with all kinds of drunks. Not all need the program of AA but get to stay in the fellowship of AA but share there experience. And when a “real Alcoholic” whose brain is already befogged enters AA, hears contradictory message in meetings. IF HE IS LUCKY he runs into a sponsor who (was also a real alcoholic) and who has recovered from this seemingly hopeless condition of the mind and body by working the steps could guide the person through the program have AA and help him recover.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
@anonymous: I absolutely agree that there is a paradox in that someone may have a desire to stop drinking but not necessarily be an alcoholic and that this is causing problems in the fundamental purpose of AA present day as well as the fact that an increasing percentage of membership have drug problems and not alcohol problems.
May 10th, 2008 at 4:46 am
I don’t know much about the fundamentals of AA and which groups can call themselves AA. All I know is I am on day two of my desire to stop drinking. I still can’t believe that my life reached this point; I never saw it coming. I’m very sad and scared of the future and reading your story has helped me today. Thank you, Brian.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Sean,
We all have been through this phase. Without liquor you should be irritable, restless and dis-contended…. and filled with remorse and guilt…. that is very normal. With the program of AA you can recover.
Nobody can dilute the message in the book called Alcoholics Anonymous. Here is the Doctors Opinion:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_doctoropinion.cfm
if you are interested then read the other chapters in sequence.
Look up meetings around your area that at-least have 1 big book meeting in a week.
Good Luck with your recovery.
May 17th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Brian, My husband finally took the step to get help and is now and AA. Your life story and road to recovery has given me insight and hope. Thank you
May 17th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
@Lisa: Good luck to both of you Lisa!
May 21st, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Brian,
A year is big. Well done. Sure, some may judge your decision to “out” yourself, but you’re right to just let them judge. It’s your program (w/the help of a sponsor). It’s a wild ride to be sure. Please just keep going through all 12. You’ll be amazed before you’re halfway through.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
I know the insanity. Been there, done that. I wasn’t even a problem drinker. But my family of origin is. I did AA/12 Steps for 12 + years. Brian, time to take it to the next level. Get spiritual. Go to church if you haven’t done so already.
I don’t want to rain on your parade. But AA is a CULT. Break your chains. Delete this thread. Regain your life. Get rid of AA. Bill Wilson sold you snake oil.
this is cut n’ paste from Orange Papers.
One problem that any Christian will have with Alcoholics Anonymous is the organization’s abandoning of the Bible. The Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, is their new Bible. Some members claim to still use the Bible; I sometimes hear a bit of lip service to the Bible like, “Keep the Big Book next to the Good Book,” but you won’t see a Bible at a meeting, and you won’t hear it quoted. Everybody is carrying the Big Book, and all readings come from it, or from a similar book of daily meditations, also written by Bill Wilson and other members of A.A..
In fact, reading aloud from the Bible at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings is usually forbidden. The Bible is considered “outside literature”. Reading aloud at meetings from anything but A.A. “Council Approved” (and A.A.-published) literature is forbidden.
In addition, A.A. has essentially abandoned Jesus Christ. The A.A. faithful believe that Bill Wilson is superior to Jesus Christ when it comes to dealing with alcoholism, and you will hear Bill Wilson quoted a hundred times more often than Jesus Christ. (As a matter of fact, I can’t really remember the last time I heard Jesus Christ quoted in an A.A. or N.A. meeting…)
The third edition of the A.A. Big Book does not contain the word “Jesus” anywhere, not even once. Bill Wilson raved constantly about “God”, but didn’t talk about Jesus Christ at all. There is one and only one mention of “Christ” in the entire book, and it is Bill Wilson’s statement that before his hallucinatory experience on belladonna, his so-called “spiritual experience,” he didn’t have much use for Christ:
With ministers, and the world’s religions, I parted right there. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory. To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching — most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.
The Big Book, 3rd Edition, William G. Wilson, chapter 1, Bill’s Story, pages 10-11.
Apparently, Bill continued to disregard a lot of that stuff even after he “saw the light,” or saw “the God of the preachers”, because Bill never mentioned Jesus or Christ again, not anywhere in the Big Book, not ever.
The first edition of the Big Book contained one story, “My Wife and I,” that contained a line mentioning Jesus Christ:
Here were these men who visited me and they, like myself, had tried everything else and although it was plain to be seen none of them were perfect, they were living proof that the sincere attempt to follow the cardinal teaching of Jesus Christ was keeping them sober.
That story was dropped from the second, third, and fourth editions.
The word “God” appears in the first 164 pages of the Big Book (which William G. Wilson either wrote, co-authored, or edited) 106 times,
the word “Power”, as in “Higher Power” or “that Power, which is God” appears 22 times,
the divine “Him” appears 26 times,
and the divine “His” is used 15 times,
but there is no mention of “Jesus Christ”, not one single mention.
Alcoholics Anonymous is not a Christian religion, no matter what some members like to say. It is a religion all right, in spite of the denials of the members who claim that it is only a “spiritual program.” Alcoholics Anonymous is a Buchmanite religion. Alcoholics Anonymous is just Frank Buchman’s crazy “Oxford Group / Moral Re-Armament” religion, only slightly edited by William G. Wilson and Dr. Robert H. Smith.
Basically, Alcoholics Anonymous believes in and practices the teachings of Dr. Frank Nathan Daniel Buchman, another man who had little use for Jesus Christ, because he preferred his own beliefs and teachings to those of Jesus. Bill Wilson did not invent the theology of A.A. — he merely copied it from Frank Buchman.
In spite of that fact that Bill Wilson tried to hide the strong connections between Frank Buchman and A.A., Buchman’s Oxford Group got three mentions in the third edition of the Big Book, while Christ got only one. (The first two mentions of the Oxford Group are in the Forward to the Second Edition, and the third is on page 218 of the third edition, in the story “He Thought He Could Drink Like A Gentleman”.)
For that matter, when you consider the fact that Jesus’ first miracle was changing water into wine at a wedding party, there might be a real problem with Jesus being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous… (John 2:1 to 2:11.)
I am reminded of a contemporary critic of Frank Buchman’s Oxford Group, Pastor H. A. Ironside, who criticized Buchmanism by saying that it was not a Christian religion, in spite of Buchman’s claims that it was, because everything in Buchmanism would still be possible even if Jesus Christ had never been born. The same thing is true of Alcoholics Anonymous. A.A. would not have to change one word of the official church dogma even if Jesus Christ had never been born. The sacred Twelve Steps of Bill Wilson do not mention Jesus Christ, and do not require Jesus Christ in order to work, and the Twelve Steps don’t even require Jesus Christ to have ever existed.
Neither are the Twelve Steps based on any of the teachings of Jesus Christ. (They are based on the teachings of Dr. Frank Buchman.)
Alcoholics Anonymous simply has no need for, and no use for, Jesus Christ. A.A. worships Bill Wilson and Doctor Bob, not Jesus Christ.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
“Been there, done that. I wasn’t even a problem drinker.”
Why in the world did you have to be in AA and do the 12 steps, in the first place?
Again AA is for “real alcoholics” who have tried all the options out there and AA is the last resort.
AA is so divine, where the world meets. We talk about 1 thing:
How to get the the POWER (ones own conception of GOD-may it be Jesus, Allah, Buddha……………Creative Intelligence..)?
May 29th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
@anonymous: You could not be more off base if you tried. AA does not require that you be an alcoholic, tried other options, whatever. AA only requires that you have a desire to stop drinking. There is no other requirement for membership.
May 29th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
I totally agree with the so called ‘the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking’. There is a dangerous trend surfacing, pot heads, heroin addicts get into AA with the above clause…..Don’t have a clue when we discuss the phenomenon of craving, the obsession of the mind and the spiritual malady. One of the main reasons Bill W always talked about singleness of purpose so that a real alcoholic could identify themselves with others.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
@anonymous: I don’t see it as dangerous, I just see it as a switch in generations. The alcohol only baby boomers and the post W II alcohol only are getting older and dying out, generation x, y and beyond are a different breed. You will see less and less of the “traditional drunk” When generation y ages, I think you will see 75 percent or more people in AA with drug problems as well. AA as a movement will adjust to it.
May 30th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
An alcoholic with drug problems will be able to identify with the stories in the BB but not a pure drug addict. A crack addict or a pill addict will not be able to understand the physical allergy (Craving). There lies the issue.
June 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
IMO I believe that Mr. Cuban is in a good space. I identify because I came in as a “high bottom” drunk. After reading the military’s definition of an alcoholic is one that drinks for “effect” more than 2X a month (which in the military is once a payday) that one could have a problem. So, I literally drank once every other week. This is indicative of a problem, because normal drinkers don’t entertain this kind of thinking.
I had had several years prior to AA of quitting on my own. I simply thought that I had to figure out some kind of spiritual equation each time, so that I would get it, and then drink normally. But each time I quietly returned to drinking which led to lonliness and isolation. I would have one drink at a bar have a six pack waiting when I got home) and sorta looked forward to my car breaking down, running out of gas on the way home, to give my life meaning/adventure. I never put more than $5 in the tank at a time. (this is about 1987) Even better was walking home through a shortcut through a set of woods unsure of knowing where I might end up. I would find myself cut-up from branches, etc.. but the adrenalyne rush of hiking for two or three hours was for me an adventure. But somehow something stupid like that could lead to an untimely death or bizarre accident (bear attack), if you think about it.
I congratulate Mr. Cuban for his honesty. He doesn’t drink 12 Step Snake Oil verbatim. He is not a doubter. He seems to be someone sincere that is capable of deciding that not all of AA is appropriate. Many think it is. I was one of them. For over 12 years. Until I read the Orange Papers Org. This site illustrates controversial cult exposing data that AA “prefers” to ignore.
As much as hate and despise AA now, the sponsor concept is something I think that is somewhat unique in Western society. It is like some form of Zen training for a grasshopper. And if a person uses this training towards a positive good, then it must be OK. I tried to be someone’s sponsor once. After giving him his one year coin, he confessed his heroin habit to me. Everyone in the rooms knew about it, but me. I contact my original sponsor(s) by email and phone regurlaly. We talk sports, politics and women. But I will never go through the doors of AA because its literture IMO is cult fabrication. I guess the sharing and honesty has a benefit, otherwise I probably would have not spent so many years contributing there. That would make me stupid.
I personally have been burnt from too much literature SNAKE OIL. Perhaps with the tool(s) that AA produces, Mr. Cuban can morph something positive out of his experieces for the whole of humanity. Like him, I too DO NOT fit into the generation of hard-core addicted, lose your job/car, beat your wife/kids kind of drunk.
June 8th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
@mtm105:”He is not a doubter. He seems to be someone sincere that is capable of deciding that not all of AA is appropriate. Many think it is.”
I would not call myself a doubter. That would imply that I question the programs validity for other people. I do not speak for anyone but me. I personally just cant live my life based on book, any book. I would not live like that regardless of whether it was the Big Book, Men are from Mars, Dr. Laura etc. That is just not who I am and I can’t and won’t force it to define who I am. That would be just a much stress as the drinking itself. That does not mean it is not the way for someone else if they think it is the way and it improves the quality of that person’s life. I simply ask myself, “Is the quality of my life better at this moment in time” if the answer is yes, I move forward, if the answer is no, I evaluate why not and make changes. That is not AA, that is life.
June 8th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
“After reading the military’s definition of an alcoholic is one that drinks for “effect” more than 2X a month (which in the military is once a payday) that one could have a problem.”
Alcoholism is nothing to do with the quantity of booze you take. Its the hopeless state of being we become with out a drink. If one can handle that state of being without drink and without what Dr. Silkworth describes as a a psychic change, hats off to those people, they don’t need AA or any other program.
June 9th, 2008 at 2:54 am
Recruiting mind games, Mr. Anonymous. You are recruiting for a religion, not an abstinance program. Every 12 Step Nazi will tell you that AA is the ONLY way, because that is what the 12 Steps are all about.
Alcoholics Anonymous has an official party line that says you have complete freedom of religion, and you can belong to any religion you wish, or you can have no religion at all. But the truth is that A.A. members will make every effort to convert you to the official A.A. religious beliefs, which are basically the beliefs of Dr. Frank N. D. Buchman and his Oxford Group cult members, William G. Wilson and Dr. Robert Smith. And the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, says so, very clearly.
In the Big Book, chapter 4 is titled “We Agnostics”. It’s a highly revealing chapter. That chapter explains how all of the former agnostics and atheists in A.A. got converted into true believers in Bill Wilson’s religion, and how all of the new skeptics must also be converted. In fact, the whole chapter is devoted to just one subject: how everyone must “abandon Reason and human intelligence” and come to believe Bill Wilson’s religious beliefs. That chapter says nothing about how to actually quit drinking. It is more proof that A.A. is a cult religion, not a quit-drinking program.
We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?” As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.
The Big Book, 3rd & 4th Editions, William G. Wilson, Page 47.
On his way where?
We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God.
The Big Book, 3rd & 4th Editions, William G. Wilson, Page 46.
We commenced to get what results?
Was it people drinking less?
Was it people totally abstaining?
Was it longer dry periods between relapses and binges?
Bill Wilson doesn’t say. He just leaves it to us to guess what great benefits might have accrued to some unidentified believers.
In his own chapter of the Big Book, A.A. co-founder ‘Doctor Bob’ Smith wrote:
If you think you are an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you.
The Big Book, 3rd & 4th Editions, Dr. Robert Holbrook Smith, Page 181.
So if you think for yourself (a form of intellectual pride — being proud to have a working brain), and don’t readily accept the grandiose delusions of Bill Wilson, then you are in big trouble, and Doctor Bob feels sorry for you.
So much for the A.A. statements that you can have any religious beliefs you wish.
June 9th, 2008 at 3:00 am
It is obvious now that, as far as Bill Wilson was concerned, the real purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous was not to help people to quit drinking, but to make them believe in God — specifically, believe in Bill Wilson’s ideas of God, as well as to follow Bill’s dictates, which he called “God’s dictates”:
Believe in God as I dictate, or die.
Do my Twelve Steps, which I wrote, or die.
“Unless each A.A. member follows to the best of his ability our suggested [MY required] Twelve Steps to recovery, he almost certainly signs his own death warrant.”
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, William G. Wilson, page 174.
“At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God…”
The Big Book, William G. Wilson, page 77.
“Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world…”
The Big Book, 3rd & 4th Editions, William G. Wilson, Working With Others, page 100.
And A.A. actually has the gall to say that it isn’t a fanatical religion, just a nice, friendly, easy-going quit-drinking program. Will the Catholics or the Baptists abandon you to death in the streets just because you won’t believe in God quite the way that they want you to?
In this town, I see the Catholics, the Baptists, the Seventh Day Adventists, the Salvation Army, the Union Gospel Mission, and a bunch of other unnamed Christian sects getting together and feeding and helping the poor and homeless, and I’ve never seen them refuse anything to a doubter just because he wouldn’t believe the way that they wanted. In fact, I’ve never even seen them ask anyone what he believed before they hand out the food. Some of them preach, most of them don’t, but they all just hand out the food, regardless of what you believe.
June 9th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Bill W has always maintained that AA does not have monopoly on reviving Alkies. Here are his comments on Philip Wylies article in Grapevine.
http://www.silkworth.net/pdfBillW/Bills-Comments-On-Wylie-Ideas-Hunches-Sep-1944.pdf
Again AA is for drunks who are willing to recover based on the program suggested in the book. If one doesn’t want to follow those suggestions, its his problem.
This is a piece from working with others:
“If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly. Let it go at that. Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance.”
June 9th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
@anonymous: “Again AA is for drunks who are willing to recover based on the program suggested in the book. If one doesn’t want to follow those suggestions, its his problem”
I always thought that AA was simply for people who simply have a desire to stop drinking, there is no other requirement
June 9th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
i am talking about the program of AA, i think you are talking about the fellowship of AA.
The Chapter “There is A Solution” talks about the 2 powers. First they talk about the fellowship comparing it to the survivors of the ship-wreck.
Then they talk about the real solution.
In between they talk about various kinds of drunks:
“Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.
Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Here is a fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplace the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.
This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.”
They repeat the title “There is a Solution” (in italics just to re-inforce for the real alcoholic the fellow ship is on the answer) on page 25.
“Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.”
June 14th, 2008 at 3:13 am
Brian Cuban, as far as your inclusion of statements about your involvement with AA goes, you should shut your GD mouth. Have you no sense of responsibility to people in recovery, or to people who might one day need recovery at all? Try reading the book. It’s anonymous for good reason, so that people like you are not able to damage AA’s value.
ANONYMOUS, so that, like the first reply to your new “scared sober” article, your statements in the article don’t confuse people into thinking this was some sort of AA program, and mistakenly use it as a slam on AA. ANONYMOUS, so that people like you do not profit (even tangentially, by writing articles which include your imaginary “special knowledge” of AA). ANONYMOUS, so that people don’t equate stupid non-AA programs with AA as they did with your new blog post.
You need to delete this story’s mention of AA entirely, since you are not anonymous, and especially delete your entire post about your “year with AA”. That’s my opinion. AA does not need or want the Brian Cuban brand on it. You are specifically told this at nearly every meeting: “ANONYMOUS at the level of press, radio, and film.” This is press. But you know better? No, you don’t. As you have admitted, you haven’t even gotten past Step 3, and may never do so. The other nine steps are what, a joke, a waste, unnecessary, not for every alcoholic? Despite all the acclaim for your “bravery” in the comments section for your “year” article, you are not AA, nor are your experiences AA. They are unique for each person. If you want to talk about your RECOVERY, fine, talk about your recovery from alcoholism. Leave AA and its CONFIDENTIAL meetings out of it entirely.
ANONYMOUS, specifically so that people don’t look at the Brian Cuban story, with its “I will be honest here. There are a lot of things about the AA philosophy that I have not bought into” warp and twist, and buy into your admitted lack of a program as a way to stay sober. Really, you simply must clean this mess that you’ve created up. You have no idea whom you may or have harmed because you decided you know better than everyone else in AA, including the first 100 people who got sober, and wrote the book that has saved millions of lives.
Everyone doesn’t need AA. Every alcoholic doesn’t need AA. But it’s not up to you to break AA’s anonymity principle so that you can use your AA experiences as writing fodder. You help no one by doing it, and you will never know how many you have hurt.
23 years sober from alcohol and clean from mainlining crystal meth Nov. 13, 2008. And yes, I heard the anti-psych-meds blather too, from people who also were not doctors, and they have shit for brains.
BTW, grasshopper, being an old-timer in AA is not a bad thing, nor does it always produce bitter, judgemental people who have nothing better to do than to mess with newcomers. Sometimes it just means we are living the program and benefitting from it and have something to share, if it is sought. I’m assuming your opening this up for Replies is seeking replies, but I wouldn’t want to make an ass out of you or me (“assume”).
June 14th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Allan: My response is as follows:
1. No I wont take the post down and I will continue to write about my experiences in AA as I deem relevant to a certain topic
2. I have zero interest in your opinion on the subject.
3. Look for my new cable reality series “AA The Brian Cuban Way” to be aired on a cable network near you.
4. Take an anger management class before you have a stroke.
June 21st, 2008 at 2:59 am
Hi Brian,
I really liked your story and can really relate to it. I have been sober for almost 5 months now from boozing. I held (and still do) a great job, led a “normal” life on the outside but noticed that the drinking was getting too much, too frequent and was becoming a hinderance in my life. My sobriety came after nothing catastropic but just a realization that enough was enough. So, after a quick voluntary detox and intro to AA via that experience I have been attending ever since. Like you, I did the 90 in 90 and have found elements of it extremely useful especially hearing stories from people that I directly relate to.
I agree with your responses to the dogmatic stuff that we hear at the meetings, and that some of the bloggers on this site, refer to. For some reason they think it’s helpful for us to hear it but it really isn’t. From what I have seen directly is that the same people that say “there are no experts in AA” are exactlty the same people who pertain to be an expert. It’s not helpful, just very frightening to people who have an addiction problem.
Brian, thanks for rising above it and please keep telling your story as it does resonate with a lot of people like myself I am sure. Many thanks and keep up the good work.
June 22nd, 2008 at 3:11 pm
AA needs to be anonymous as it gives new comers the needed confidence to enter the fellowship without sacrificing your personal freedom.. secondly, there is the tendency among AA members to go after popularity,,,again a ego fodder that initially brought him into AA in the first place.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I can’t wrap my head around the reason why anyone, no matter what type of recovery program they follow, would be upset by Mr. Cuban’s post. He is celebrating a year of sobriety and is honestly sharing what that experience was like.
There are two kinds of people in recovery that bother me. Those who feel the need to put down recovery programs that differ from their own and those who love to tell you that your recovery is somehow not as “good” as theirs because you are not doing exactly what they are doing.
Here is what my recovery entails: Sharing, identifying, getting and giving support. When it comes to recovery programs like AA, NA or even SMART I have learned to take out of it what I need and to leave the rest.
Congratulations Mr. Cuban on your first year of sobriety. I’m sure you have seen so many improvements take place inside of yourself during this first year. Here is to another year filled with even more.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
This is from “More about Alcoholism”. This is why the real-alcoholics are concerned.
=================================================================================
As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power. If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success. In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.
For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.
How then shall we help our readers determine, to their own satisfaction, whether they are one of us? The experiment of quitting for a period of time will be helpful, but we think we can render an even greater service to alcoholic sufferers and perhaps to the medical fraternity. So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I always find it amusing when hard core members want to tell everyone what is best for all other members. AA is not a cult but that conduct is certainly “cult like”
June 25th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Again, the program of AA is for those drunks who couldn’t keep from drinking and not for disco drunks.
From your story I see you have cut off your “drinking buddies” and curtailed activities to avoid Triggers.
Well I don’t have to do to avoid “Triggers”. Today I am a free man. I store booze in the house for guests and my wifie poo. I have been placed in a position of neutrality (as long i follow the few simple rules).
You can call AA whatever you want. We want to it to be there for “future Real Alcoholics”.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
If it adds something to your life to feel that you are the one who decides who AA is for and not for knock yourself out….
June 26th, 2008 at 11:29 am
From There is a solution Chapter:
The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.
====================================================================================
As part of our commitment, we are to carry the common solution. And that is what i am trying to do here.
June 27th, 2008 at 6:54 am
this blog does not promote anything and for the blogger`s interest please note that AA does not want to enter into any argument or fighting with anyone or anything….to live and let live is its policy.
thanks
June 27th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
It’s really mind blowing that anonymous would have the nerve to judge whether or not someone else is truly an alcoholic.
Oh wait, I guess that’s because he is cured. He doesn’t need to avoid slippery situations in fear of being triggered. In his own words he is a “free man”. He reached the finish line on his road to recovery and now he gets to decide if others are truly in recovery or not. Job well done anonymous.
I think anonymous’ interpretation of The Big Book seems a little warped. That’s just my opinion.
Erins last blog post..Goodbye George Carlin… You Will Be Missed
June 28th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
yours is opinion and mine is experience. there is a big difference between the two.
===================================================================================
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels.
We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee, Thy will (not mine) be done.”
(again from the BB)
====================================================================================
June 28th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Again this is straight out of the BB: The 10 step promise:
=================================================================================
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
================================================================================
June 29th, 2008 at 1:45 am
Good for you Brian! Love the story! Sorry about all the still very ill people. But they dont call it well anonymous for a reason haha.
June 30th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
anonymous Says:
“yours is opinion and mine is experience. there is a big difference between the two”
I challenge you to leave just one original thought regarding AA on this blog that is not a “zombified” cult- like regurgitation of the big book. Just one……
June 30th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Not sure, i will be able to do that. The big-book was written by the first 100 drunks to ensure that the message does not get watered down (To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book – taken from the forward to BB). There are links on the internet to speech by Bill W on why they published the book.
The fellow-ship came about to help the drunks meet and use the solution as laid out in the BB.
Again BB describes the Moderate Drinkers (who can handle a drink or two), a hard-drinker (Abuser of alcohol) but given a sufficient reason could just say Quit and not worry about AA or other spiritual programs. Then there are the chronic relapsers, who cannot stay stopped. Its for those the BB suggests the 12 steps.
June 30th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Well lets hope they do not add a chapter that suggests you jump of the Brooklyn Bridge to stay sober……..
July 1st, 2008 at 1:18 am
We don’t have to worry about it. The first 164 pages + the forwards + Doctors Opinion has been left un-touched all this time.
BTW, the solution (the spiritual awakening) was not concocted by the drunks.
The idea came from the then third renowned psychiatrist Carl Jung.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_jung).
The physical craving combined with mental obsession and the spiritual malady piece came from Dr Silkworth (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Duncan_Silkworth).
Lot of ideas borrowed from various psychologist and spiritual leaders like William James and Emmet Fox…
Thats how the book called Alcoholics Anonymous was authored.
July 11th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Brian… thank you for your story… i’m at work right now and really needed a “meeting”… your share worked wonders for me… i have relapsed a few times and have had the “old time hard core” AA members make snide comments when i’ve announced myself as a newcomer… Although i would’ve taken them on in another life… i have the peace and serinity to ignore their ignorance…. just as everyone should do with Anonymous… Obviously he/she knows the big book front and back… however, one great point in AA is to have A LIFE!!!! Get a life Anon… more to life than AA… family, friends, work, nature, etc.
Thanks again, Brian
July 11th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
This will be the last response on this. I am not sure why people are so upset about my comments. I have tried to share my experience and quotes straight out of the Big-Book, never been rude to anyone or any personalities…
There are some comments i saw that to stay sober we will have to change the environment/drop the friends that are not in cooperating…..depending on meetings for their recovery……This is completely opposite of what the BB prescribes. You do the deal and you can be a free person and have a great life.
Auf Wiedersehen.
July 21st, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Interesting to hear your story Brian. But I have agree with those who say you are breaking the 11th Tradition by using your name in connection with AA. This may imply to non-AA’s that your opinions based on your limited amount of time as a member, and lack of experience with the 12 Steps are in some way representative of AA. They are not. Blogging your experience, while using your full name and AA together, are no more than a beginners plan. We all had them. I started my own blog but quit after two days when I realized that my time may better be spent in helping other alcoholics rather than blowing my own trumpet about “my experience”.
You say you made it as far as Step 3. Might I be so bold as to inquire how this blog is handing your will and life over to God, as you understand him. Unless the Internet is your Higher Power, and it directed you you embark on the dangerous game of ignoring the Traditions for your own self aggrandizement.
To those who use the terms “Big Book Thumper” and “AA Nazi” let me quote from the foreword to the second edition:
“The fledgling society, which had been nameless, now began to be called Alcoholics Anonymous, from the title of its own book.” AA is the 3 legacies of Recovery, Unity and Service.
Most people who come, and leave quickly, do so because they live only in the Fellowship (Unity). They become disheartened by the ridiculous slogans (90 meetings in 90 Days et al) and the non-stop war stories from AA’s who have achieved nothing more than a miserable daily abstinence, which characterize the contemporary AA meeting. These meetings have nothing to do with the vision of the founders of AA. As Bill W. says in the pamphlet “Problems Other Than Alcohol”: “Sobriety – freedom from alcohol – through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps is the sole purpose of an A.A. group.”
I wish you well in your recovery Brian, truly.
All the Best,
Malcolm K.
P.S. I have less time than you, so I’m not trying to preach or insult. Merely taking place in an interesting discussion.
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:15 pm
And you know these people have a “miserable daily abstinence how? Did you ask all of them? You have less time than me and you have already began judging everyone you do not know if they do not do it your way. You will fit in just fine.
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I don’t get it! What is the big problem with people sharing ideas and helping each other get thru life in any way that they can? I think AA should be regarded as something that those who need the crutch use to get by and those who don’t need it can take only that which they want to do the same. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? Choosing to follow AA or choosing to do it your own way is the same. You personnally are making the choice. Even with AA you have to make a choice each day how you are going to conduct your life. Eventually we are all left alone to make our own way no matter what. Having a relationship with your own personal “GOD” seems to be the best way of doing that. If you have friends to help you, more the better.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:06 pm
That, too, is a judgement. What I wrote is an opinion my sponsor has shared with me. He has 37 years sobriety and is by far the most active member of the group. Besides, I listen to there miserable complaints day after day. I do not do it “my way”. You do. I do not break the Traditions, I do the steps and I sponsor a newcomer, I am secretary of a Group and I work with others to bring them through the book. I don’t know where you find the time for this internet marketing of your ego. Where are you in recovery as described in The Three Legacies in AA comes of Age?
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:27 pm
“Nothing matters more to A.A.’s future welfare
than the manner in which we use the colossus
of modern communication. Used unselfishly and
well, it can produce results surpassing our present
imagination.
Should we handle this great instrument badly, we
shall be shattered by the ego manifestations of
our own people. Against this peril, AA members’
anonymity before the general public is our
shield and buckler”
Bill W. November 1960
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:29 pm
If you are sober and happy knock yourself out.
July 23rd, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Thankfully, after 20 years of drinking, I no longer have to knock myself out. I wonder why you are stuck on step 3? You have either made the decision of not. It does not take a year to make a decision based on a power greater than yourself that you took in step 2. Perhaps it’s more in the apprehension of taking a good, long look at who you are that’s called for in the 4th step. The start of the ego deflation is a tough process. The ego is no more than your personality ( from the Roman meaning “Mask”). It is your Judgements, likes and dislikes, social-conditioning, and self image as apposed to who you actually are. The word “ego” in everyday usage is one of derision, but everyone has one. Joseph Campbell described it as the focal point of the conscience. AA gives us tools to deflate it to the point where it becomes our servant, and not master or driving force. There is great power in a 4th step. I do hope you get to it. No matter how, in what timeframe, or with whom. I wish you continued recovery, and a fulfilling life. I shall say no more on the traditions. We each make our choices, and accept the consequences. The 12 concepts tell us your right to be wrong takes precedence over a groups right to be right.
Yours in recovery
Malcolm
August 5th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
I had heard rumors. Did not believe it. Tried to defend it as I was a friend. Told people they were just jealous of you and who you are. Keep it up, wish my sister would listen.
August 15th, 2008 at 4:51 am
I only have one comment in regards to all of this. You consistently bring up the third tradition as a defense to your membership. This is actually a very common thing in AA. There is a large portion of AA members who care very little for the 12 traditions, but if you question why they are there, all of a sudden, they have a strong belief in the third tradition. I’ve also seen this happen with the 4th tradition. There may be groups breaking traditions left and right, but they’ll throw out the 4th tradition claiming autonomy. I just disagree with the whole idea of picking and choosing traditions just for the use of an individual or an individual group. The 12 traditions are there to protect Alcoholics Anonymous from us. I guess what I’m saying is if you feel so strongly about one particular tradition (the third), how can you totally blow off the first and eleventh?
Congratulations on your year and best wishes in your continued sobriety.
Chris
August 28th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Alcoholics Anonymous has helped many people find a new way of life. Religion has also helped people find a new way of life. I’snt that awesome!! Who really cares how you get sober,what matters is that you are and that you have a new lease on life. HOPE.
I have been a member of AA for 11 years and I am also active in my Church. AA gave me an open enough mind to bring religion back into my life.
If you have faith in whatever it is that you beleive to be true why defend it? Just stand by it. Doesnt matter what other people think, everyones experience is there own.
Find you journey and live in integrity,
Lisa
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:38 am
I’ve been in a 12-step group for 10 months. When I got my one month coin, I was disappointed that I wasn’t asked to say a few words and was told afterward, “You don’t know anything. Keep your mouth shut and listen.” Tonight I was leading and we gave out a 7 month chip. I said, “Would you like to say anything?” And an 18 month abstainer said, “No, no. Not until his first year.” I asked where is that written? And it apparently isn’t? The group didn’t care either way. Is this issue left to each group conscience? Thanks.
September 10th, 2008 at 9:26 am
I came to this article mainly because of other posts you’d written in connection to Digg and thought you ought to know that. They got me to look at your other material which does give me pause because you’ve found a way to get me to look at an article worth reading.
You may not have the time but (as a parent of 3 males)I’d really appreciate any insight into what drives teens to drink, how and why some become alcoholics and what, if anything, parents can do to prevent or discourage that. From what I’ve read of your work, your bond with family is strong, as is mine and I’d appreciate anything you’d want to share.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:01 am
I happened to wander upon this tonight. You can decide if you want to publish this post or not. I have only recently become aware that you are in AA. Congratulations on your sobriety and I hope and pray- for many reasons- that it continues. I am really proud of and happy for you!
After reading most of the posts I am curious as to how many of the old timers- or whatever they are called- don’t understand the difference between you making a decision to no longer remain anonymous and making the choice to “out” others in AA. You didn’t include in your blog post a list of people in your AA group– that’s something that would create an anonymity problem and would go against the doctrines of AA.
I know many alcoholics (how can you not if you’re an attorney?) and they span a broad spectrum of levels/types of alcoholism. Many have been/are in AA. Some worked the steps really fast because that’s their approach to life. Others have been working them for years. There’s no test. No grading system. Do it at your own pace. I can’t comprehend someone berating you for being on step 3 and only being a year sober.
On a personal note: I was at a function on Saturday where at least 1/3 of the people in attendance are in AA. Some for decades, some for less than a year. Some of them were drug addicts- not alcoholics. There was no anonymity and everyone was very honest about their time in AA. It was a badge of honor for them, as it should be. What I saw was a very accepting group of people who loved and supported one another, as a family should. They were very clearly not of the militant AA member variety like some of the folks that posted on here.
It just goes to show that no matter what type of group it is, there will inevitably exist the narrow-minded set that are always very clearly right and you are always wrong.
C’est la vie!
September 15th, 2008 at 1:37 am
just a little thought about that “12 step thing”….
this is a generic statement that applies to all
who suffer from the disorder. don’t take it personally.
you have between this instant, and your next drink
to reach the ninth step. this can be accomplished
with a pencil and paper in about three hours. take
all the time you think you can get away with, if
that is how you approach things.
until you have reached the ninth step, you have no
defense against drinking save circumstance and
constant vigilance. they will prove insufficient
to effect permanent recovery.
i have been sober from everything stronger than
aspirin since leap year day 1984. if you
experience a strong sense of resistance to what
i have just said, knowing that i believe it
is a life and death proposition for you, based on
25 years experience, then that resistance means
that you believe that your success depends on
NOT doing it.
good luck whatever you choose.
randy
September 17th, 2008 at 5:25 am
I know many alcoholics (how can you not if you’re an attorney?) and they span a broad spectrum of levels/types of alcoholism. Many have been/are in AA. Some worked the steps really fast because that’s their approach to life. Others have been working them for years. There’s no test. No grading system. Do it at your own pace. I can’t comprehend someone berating you for being on step 3 and only being a year sober.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
I’m still here. Some of my former posts are rather vitriolic. Please forgive my manners.
It is my opinion that with the advent of the internet, AA will grow weaker day by day. Only because the information that normally was kept at arms length, is now at one’s fingertips. Read orange papers Org for free. Orange was King of the 60’s. I was King of the 80’s! (minus the mullet)
The internet is the manifestation of the freedom sought in the 60’s. Instead of hippies living in rat infested communes contracting all forms of hepatitis and venereal diseases, the internet has offered a revolutionary solution to this way of life. Advance civilization from behind the keyboard. (now its a matter of time before socialist govt.s put a stop to it)
October 19th, 2008 at 2:20 am
I am not an alcoholic but have the history on both sides and 2 dear friends who are. I am suprised at some of the comments posted by some people. It was my understanding that AA was for people who consider themselves to have a problem with alcohol and want to stop. It is suprising to learn that some people have decide to become judges on what is drunk enough to join AA instead of saying yeah another person has learned that alcohol can easily become a problem in your life. Brian congratulations on your nondrinking and sobriety and realizing that the majority of the world does not party everynight. It gives me hope for my friends.
October 19th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
yes, AA is for people who could not not stay stopped on their own resource. And there is set of steps to reach that goal and you sacrifice little bit of your time helping another alcoholic overcome alcoholism once you reach that spot. Not this cafeteria style, take what you want and leave rest of the stuff.
November 7th, 2008 at 3:18 am
why even have an 11th tradition
December 9th, 2008 at 6:20 am
Brian,
I'm a fellow attorney/disco drunk who has been sober through AA for over 6 years. I just kind of bumped into God in my earlier sobriety. I did an accidental 3rd step. Stick around long enough and you'll find the folks who have reconciled rational thought with the wisdom of the program. However there are a lot more rational people than I thought there were in my drinking days and in my earlier sobriety — including some of the folks I wrote off as Big Book-thumpers and AA Nazis. I also recognize that I overestimate my own rationality.
It's always good to read someone else's story of experience, strength and hope. Keep coming back and passing it on.
January 1st, 2009 at 1:47 am
Brian.. I am honored by your words.. They are heartfelt..an I appreciate them to the utmost of my being…
Your friend…
Robert Malone
January 10th, 2009 at 11:16 am
I dont' recall how I came upon your blog. I haven't had a drink or done a drug since April 18th, 2007. I tried for years and years to control my addiction. I was unable to taper my drinking and drug use (cocaine), nor was I able to drink or use in moderation. The only thing that has ever worked for me is AA and the 12 steps. I saw on step 3 for quite a while. In fact, it took me about 18 months to complete the 12 steps with my sponsor. I don't know if AA or the steps is the solution for everyone, but I don't want to return to the life I had prior to getting sober. So, I'm going to stick with AA. As for all the AA haters out there…AA isn't for everyone! Take it or leave it. I did 90 in 90 and was extremely active in my first year of sobriety. Then, as my life started to come back I had more responsibilities at work, in my relationship, and with my family. I don't go to as many meetings as I did early in sobriety, but when I need a meeting I go. Some weeks I go to one meeting. Some weeks I go to three. I'm not a member of a cult…just a member of a group of people who were unable to stop drinking on our own.
Andrew H.'s Recent post…null
January 12th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Thank 4 your testimony, I want again what u have Brian, I had a long road to get 15 months, now back to another impaired, back on E I, smashed each of my 3 vehicles in 3 months, feeling hopeless again. More Court, jail, fines, loss of property, $ and sick again.My litl town has nearly nothing to offer 4 help. I need God and AA.
February 11th, 2009 at 2:18 am
I am an alcoholic with 17 years of sobriety, but I have slipped. I never thought it would happen after 17 friggin years but it has.
I need help.
February 13th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Never thought it would happen after 17 years.
That is the nature of this disease. Just not drinking, is not going to solve the isms. Hence they say its cunning baffling and powerful. its a subtle foe. one day, if we are not connected, it strikes. and its hard to wake up. all people can claim they are alcoholic and survive just going to meetings. but a few who are the real alcoholis need something more than meetings. they need a new thought process.
February 21st, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Thanks for your post. I quit drinking one week ago and was looking for inspiration when I found it. Your post is very helpful to me. I find it unfortunate that other AA members have used this as a platform to “correct” you –rather than honoring and respecting your experiences. All this going back-and-forth is a real turn off. It comes off as dogmatic. I’m uneasy about attending an AA meeting now. The last thing I need is someone telling me I’m quitting drinking “the wrong way”. Ugh. I’ve heard Secular Organization for Sobriety (SOS) might be a good alternative. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks, again, for sharing your story. Your original impulse to convey the significance of your experience for your own self-reflection and extend it to others is a very loving and generous act. I hope to be able to say I've been sober for a year too.
February 21st, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Nadia
if it were me I would give AA a try. if it is not for you, there is nothing keeping you there. You may find that it is for you. You are going to have the cross section of people that commented here no matter where you go. Good luck!
May 30th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
This is based of my best friend's Dad who was an alcoholic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld4VKF5tcXM
June 15th, 2009 at 12:04 am
your story is like millions of others who have had the grace to be a member of the biggest family in the world and all we had to do is follow a few simple suggestions. Congradulations on 1 year! Although I do agree with Anon. our book says nothing will keep a man in everlasting ignorance as contempt prior to investigation.May I suggest you research AA's Tradition on anonymity. and good luck on your journey down the broad highway.
June 22nd, 2009 at 3:13 pm
I am certain you meant well in breaking your anonymity but at the media level it is an important tradition. The BB was written as a guide for new comers with information, stories and helpful directions. It’s a helpful guide, not a sacred text. Some people are new longer than others and we have to be patient with them. The directions in the BB are suggestions that can work. However, if you get right down to it Dr Bob himself practiced a six step version (page 263 in the BB) that also worked.
“Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us.” It is that simple.
Being able to stay sober for a year or more does not disqualify you for membership. I have seen plenty of people with one, two, three, ten, twenty years of abstinence in the program of AA relapse. Does that mean they are not ‘real’ alcoholics? It is baffling and clearly we all have different paths. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Leave it at that.
June 22nd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I actually wrote that about 1 1/2 years ago. In any event at about 2/12 years sober I still find that one of the biggest hypocritical idiocies of AA are all the big book thumpers who constantly preach working their own program and staying on their own side of the street yet have no trouble crossing over to another members to preach their version of the world when they see something they dont like. Get back on your side of the street please. I am doing just fine.
November 9th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Nice story man! I always thought that those AA meetings are no good. I don't have this kind of problem, but nice reed and good stuff to know. Thanks!
January 25th, 2010 at 1:03 am
Congratulations from an ex-attorney who has weathered over 23 years of continuous sobriety and came in with all the seemingly hopeless baggage that some of us produce. You can find my story in audio and printed form on http://www.dickb.com It may buttress your own well-taken experience and convictions. God Bless, Dick B.