(CBN)The City of Pittsburgh, Pa, home of the Major League baseball team, the Pittsburgh Pirates is abuzz with shock and outrage over the discovery of secretly recorded meeting between between Pirates majority Owner  Robert Nutting and General Manager Neal Huntington .

The bizarre exchange occurred in Nutting’s office last season  just before the Pirates began a series of questionable trades and player sales in a  roto rooter roster purge ending in the unloading almost all of their starting lineup in exchange for cash and a collection of unknowns.  The moves prompted the front page headline “WHO THE HELL ARE THESE GUYS” in the local Pittsburgh newspaper.  The following a a transcript of the recorded conversation.

Nutting: Come on in Neal, have a seat.

Huntington: I’m glad you called me in. I’m still unclear on a couple things

Nutting: Oh, really  Like what?

Huntington: If we trade away and sell all of our good players our manager will quit.  Who will manage the Pirates moving forward?

Nutting: I was thinking of the Dos Equis Man. He will fit in quite well with our team concept.

Huntington: What exactly is our team concept?

Nutting: That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I want to put together a team that will help us relocate to Cuba

Huntington: Cuba?  Your joking.

Nutting: I’m serious about this Neal.  It’s no secret I’ve never liked Pittsburgh much. The weathers lousy, the downtown is a pit, the stadium’s too small,we cant draw dick and no one is reading my crappy newspapers. Another 2 years of this and I may need to start feeding  Ogden real dog food.

Huntington: You can’t just up and move a team on a whim!

Nutting: It’s hardly a whim.  Fidel has offered to build us a new stadium — 62,000   capacity, 45 V.I.P. boxes, and all rent to be subsided through sugar cane sales. No other franchise in baseball can match that deal.

Nutting: Whats more, Fidel has taken a liking to the Dos Equis Man.   Fidel personally told me he finds him incredibly interesting. Whats more, he looks like him.  He likes the commercials and thinks of him as the son he always wanted .  There is also a national Cuban Tequila brand rolling out that will provide some good marketing perks .

Huntington: You cant be serious!

Nutting: As a heart attack!

Nutting: Whats more, we will be given the option of signing player development contracts with the parents of all promising Cuban prospects. We will have exclusive negotiating rights starting at 7 years old as well as their real birth certificates. We will corner the Cuban baseball talent market!

Huntington: Even so, the League and the Federal Government never let us  leave Pittsburgh.  There is a lease and laws we have to deal with.

Nutting: I have that all figured out!   During the off season, I have us scheduled for an exhibition game in Cuba.   While we are in Cuba, under my authority as owner and in the best interests of baseball I will undertake a mass defection of the entire team.   The bottom line is that if we play bad enough no one will care if we defect and the players will love the sunny climate.

Huntington: You mean you want us to lose?

Nutting:  We’ve been losing.  I want us to finish dead last again!

Huntington: You are out of your mind!

Nutting: Well I still think print media is viable if that’s what you mean.

MORE TO FOLLOW!

©2009 Brian Cuban

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