The  2009-10 NBA regular season is here!  A season of new hopes and  players will soon be here.  But on the social scene in Dallas, “singles season’’ never ends.   In preparation for the new season of after-game bars, clubs, see and be seen sports douchebaggery, I recently roamed the streets of Dallas after the Mav’s home opener, checking out various nightspots while contemplating what will hopefully be a great Mavs season. I wandered about, contemplating how we would make the playoffs, play deep in, and hopefully challenge again for that elusive Larry O’Brien NBA Championship Trophy.

At the same time, I was stunned by a similarity between singles scene as the NBA:

Life imitates art. Basketball imitates life. Especially in social interactions.

I saw all kinds (as I often do), not all of them enviable kinds. There were the 30K Millionaires, the Cougars, the GoldDiggers and the MackDaddy D-bags, and I saw all kinds of similarities between the social interactions I witnessed out on the singles scene and the great game of hoops.

Let’s lace up those high-tops for a walk onto the hardwood court of Dallas (and note that I believe it’s largely the same for any big-city nightlife where a basketball season is played out). There are no points for second place. The winners hit nothing but net while the losers head home alone and whine the next morning about how they gave their best. The only way you can only get a “clear path” to the basket” view of all this is if you are living outside the 3-point line.

To watch this game – and to maybe be more than a baseline season-ticket-holder — I had to re-learn all I knew about basketball and how it applied to the nightlife scene. Once I had finished learning the rules and different offensive (sometimes very offensive!) and defensive sets, a night out in Dallas became more entertaining than watching the NBA Finals.

Well, almost

In order to see what I saw and know what I know you have to have a basic understanding of basketball “terminology” as it applies to both the NBA and the nightclub scene. Once you have this understanding you will never look at a bar or nightclub in the same light. Here are some of the terms you need to understand:

“Palming”: The act of adjusting oneself in a nightclub right in front of your buddy/wingman and the hot girl you are talking to. This is a change in possession foul and you must now transfer possession of the hot girl to your buddy.

“Slam-dunk”: The last drunk girl in the bar at 2 a.m.

“Full Court Press’’: Within 15 minutes of meeting a girl in a bar you have given her your phone number, certified financial statement, recent HIV test and two round-trip tickets to Vegas for the next day. You’ve even sent flowers sent to the girl … while still in the bar.

“Flagrant Foul”: At the very moment the hottest girl in the bar is handing you her telephone number, your best buddy, say, picks his nose. This is a two-shot foul. You retain possession. Your buddy must buy two shots of any drink you choose for you and any girl you want the rest of the night.

“Double-Double”: You figure it out…

“Triple Double”: U DA MAN!

“Clear Path Foul:’’ You picked up the hottest girl in the club. She has told you how much she wants you. You are on your way back to your place. She pukes all over your car.

“Fast Break”: You’ve just arrived, you have not even valeted the car yet and your buddy is coming out of the nightclub, hot girl on his arm.

“Traveling”: You live in Dallas. She lives in Fort Worth. This is a change-of-possession foul – but only if your buddy doesn’t care where she lives.

“24-Second Violation’’: You meet a hot girl. You spend the first 25 seconds talking about your millions in the bank, new Maserati, your listing on the Forbes 400 and your Gulfstream while your three roommates look on. This is also known as a “30K Millionaire Violation.” It is a turnover – she turns herself over to the next guy in the bar who actually owns a Maserati or Gulfstream.

“Double Dribble”: You forget to tie your shoes. Just as you are about to hand your girl her drink, you trip and spill both drinks on her. This is a change-in-possession foul as your buddy because your buddy uses it against you. She agrees and goes home with him.

“Back-Court Violation”: Your posse is in the club. You have drink in hand when you realize your driver was denied entrance because he wore tennis shoes, thus violating the dress-to-impress code.

“Alley-Oop”: Your buddy generously hands off to you that last drunk girl in the bar at 2 am. You are hoping to convert to a “slam dunk.’’

“Moving Screen”: Your buddy is not getting near that girl. She is going home with you!

“Blocking Foul”: Just as the hottest girl in the club is handing you her phone number … this is gonna be good. … your buddy approaches and and is nice enough to report that he found your wedding ring on the floor.

“Offensive Foul”: You had Italian for dinner. You’re about to kiss your girl goodnight — on the cheek, because you’re a gentleman — when you burp just a little. Is that a piece of spaghetti that’s landed on her cheek? Another turnover. To anybody. As long as it’s not you.

“Technical Foul”: She told you she was 21 when you bought her a drink. This is an ejection. A one-game suspension. And a timeout. … maybe to be spent in a 4×6 with bars.

“Offensive Rebound”: It is not your fault your buddy can’t close.

“Tip Off”: You spy something on her neck. It is suspicious. It appears that the attractive woman you are looking at has an Adam’s Apple.’’

“Two-Minute Warning”: It’s last call. You struck out. Your designated driver has left and you have no cab fare. Time for more “traveling.’’ Because you’re walking home.

There’s the rules of the game. And unlike the NBA regular season, which must come to again, in the nightlife scene, every weekend brings a new season!

Brian Cuban is a Dallas-based attorney who serves as the Executive Director of the Mark Cuban Foundation and is currently administering The Fallen Patriot Fund. He blogs at The Cuban Revolution and can also be contacted and followed at Facebook.

I originally wrote this piece for Mike Fisher and DallasBasketball.com.  Thanks to Fish for letting me republish it on my blog. Please be sure to check it out for Mavs news and great sports  insights from Fish!

©2009 Brian Cuban

Enjoy this piece?  Be sure to join the Cuban Revolution Fan Club and/or subscribe to my newsletter to stay abreast of future posts and live celebrity interviews on The Revolution Rant

So I came across this “anti-dating” web site called DontDateHimGirl.com

It is a site for scorned women to post about guys that have cheated on them, who are married, lied to them, etc. I admit I first went to the site to see if I was on it! Not that I think I am a liar or cheater. I think the general consensus would be that I am a nice guy (with some dissenters am sure) BUT in 7 out of 10 relationships that end for any reason, someone is going to be pissed and find a justification to blame the other person to bolster their self-worth. The next things you know either your photo is up on Don’t Date Him or you’re accosted by a camera crew from the television show CHEATERS in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Why is it you never see the Cheaters camera crew waiting outside of Nordstrom’s or Neiman Marcus??

I of course went straight to the Dallas, Texas listings. In my single career in Dallas, I have known many, 30k millionaires, Mack daddies, serial daters, cheaters, schmoozer’s losers, boozers, druggers, muggers etc. There definitely was an entertainment value to seeing if any of them were listed on the site…. I know some guys that I would list myself just to protect unsuspecting female Dallasites…… Here are some of the examples of what I found in the Dallas listings….

• 1. Joseph L. Austin “Joe”- “Drives a Mercedes and still lives at home with his parents and sister. Not marriage or boyfriend material”

There are a ton of listing complaining that a particular guy had given a girl herpes or some other STD. Others complaining of being married, two timing, and just being an asshole in general

In any event, not that I expected to be but I am proud to say that I my mug was not on the website. Of course since they do not verify anything, I could claim to be women and put up negative posts about all the guys I know in town just to eliminate the competition. I’m out on the town, see a guy talking to a girl I like, get that guy’s name, throw it up on Don’t Date Him, tell the girl he is up there and the next thing you know he can’t even pay for a date. Those would be some serious “guerilla dating” tactics but I wouldn’t put it past guys or girls in this town or in any other town for that matter.

I then put my lawyer’s hat on and thought about it from that perspective. There is already case law out there about posting defamatory remarks on web sites and bulletin boards but I wonder if Don’t Date Him is bringing in any click-through advertiser dollars. I would certainly argue that if they put my photo up, negative comments and all, they are using my likeness to make money without my permission and I want a piece of the pie!

As to the posts themselves, you can check it out for yourselves and I will probably get some flak for this but the majority of hard luck guy stories said just as much about the sheer stupidity, immaturity and gullibility of the women involved as it did about the alleged sliminess of the guys.

The owner of the site was in fact sued by Pittsburgh Attorney Todd Hollis with regards to posts about him on the site by a couple different women, one of the posts being that he allegedly carried a sexually transmitted disease. He denies that he does. The owner of the site claimed that she should not be liable for the posts of others. The lawsuit has since been dismissed based on improper venue. That has not stopped the aggrieved men from firing salvos. There is actually a web site out there trying to collect victims for class action. Good luck with all that or in other words….GET A LIFE!

When a defamatory remark is posted on an internet web site, you have basically three possible parties who can be potentially sued 1. The person who posted the remark; 2) the owner of the web site; and 3) the Internet Service Provider (ISP) who hosts the web site. The ISP issue is easy. They are for the most post immune from suits relating to the posting of defamatory remarks on web sites they host.

So when Internet America or Southwestern Bell hosts the web site “BrianCubansaScumbag.com”, It is a web site for everyone who hates Brian Cuban to post nasty things about him. So assuming there were nasty, defamatory posts about me on this site, I cannot sue Internet America or Southwestern Bell. This protection to an ISP is generally provided under Title 47 of the U.S. Code

So we know we cannot sue the ISP, what about the person running the web site? All he did was put up the site. He did not post any defamatory comments…. He is probably also protected. In 1996 Congress passed the Communications Decency Act, part of which has been stuck down but for the most part is still intact. This Act could in fact provide protection to the owner of the site. Where issues arise is when the site is made aware of defamatory comments and fails to remove them.

What’s the bottom line?

Quit having affairs and lying to women and use a condom!

I know for many guy and women in this town that is like asking them to walk on water or actually be a responsible adult so in the alternative “Reputation Endangered” men are going to probably have to track down the girls who put up the posts if they want to collect. My reaction to that? If you put as much energy into being a productive member of society as you do scamming women, our little corner of Texas would be a much better place to live and socialize…. You know who you are…..

What is my general “dating take” on this? My take is more on the sad state of human affairs when we are going to sites like this to be entertained off the misery, inadequacy and humiliation of others. I am talking about myself here because I went to the site! I am proud to say however that I have not read the obituaries in a while…….But hey, turn to any television station for your dose of reality television and you will get the same thing. For that matter go to CNN, TMZ, or Perez-Hilton for the same thing…..That’s Entertainment Baby! Gag!!!!

If your date is going out with nine other women, really works at Jack in the Box and drives a Pinto and he gave you herpes ,spend more time examining your mate selection process and the due diligence and your attitudes on safe-sex , less time trying to feel better about yourself by posting goofy shit on idiotic web sites….

I don’t expect to see my name up there but if I ever do, they will hear from my attorneys not to take my picture down as everyone is entitled to their opinion but to get my cut of the profits…….