Tag Archive | "dating"

The Politics Of Group Sex

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The Politics Of Group Sex

groupsexMy girlfriend and I were eating dinner at a local Dallas restaurant that doubles a a look and be seen venue of local elite, elite wannabes and 30k millionaires. Translation?  You never know who is going to walk through the door.

As we were chit-chatting and enjoying the visual entertainment, a guy I know entered and walked up to the bar.  He was one of those guys or girls who over the years, you see repeatedly as you and your fixed clique of single, once single and single again acquaintances move through life in a often fluctuating but never really changing mate and date scene.

He was a very good looking guy that always had a very good looking women on his arm.  They however,  always seemed to be the same women.  Not the same in re-hooking up with a previous flame.  The same in that he always seemed to be with a women from the same rotating fixed menu choices that I have seen out on the Dallas scene for the last 10 years.

That night was no exception. In lockstep behind him was  a very attractive women who had also been part of the Dallas “out and about” scene for the last 10 years and had dated nine other guys I know.  I turned to my girlfriend and said:

“That makes perfect sense that they are together”

She inquired as to why.  “Because they are both into group sex

She was flabbergasted and immediately suspicious.   “How would you know they are into group sex!!”

Because they run in a group that no matter how many years go by, at one point or another, everyone in the group has dated or slept with everyone else in the group.  Group Sex!!

About three months later I saw the same guy again at a Dallas Mavericks game.  He was with, you guessed it, another group sex girl!

What is it about this “group sex” phenomenon.  Ten or Fifteen years will go by and the dating clique will move right along with it, fluctuating only as people get married, divorced, date and dumped.  Always coming back to the flock like pigeons to a homing beacon.  Keep in mind that this is Dallas, Texas, a large metropolis with plenty of dating options. I suspect it the same in New York City ,Chicago, Miami etc where the dating options are even more expansive.

Any explanations out there?  Is a certain level of insecurity to step outside our comfort zone and into the rejection zone simply part of the human condition?

Copyright 2009

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Date or Dump Web 2.0 Style

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Date or Dump Web 2.0 Style

Scanning the wall posts of my Facebook friends can be a pretty good gauge of what people are doing for fun.   It is also a daily soap opera of “Days Of Our Lives” proportions. People expose their personal lives and inner most secrets to a level that would make people blush in the real world.  I constantly see relationships started, ended, and hearts poured out into the Web 2.0 world on a variety of subject.

Today’s Facebook  scan tells me that Sarah is no longer in a relationship and ready to get out with her single friends.  Amy thinks her guy is stepping out on her with a girl on his friends list.  She is thinking of creating a fake profile to trap him. (It’s not a secret now if he or any of his friends are on her friends list)  Lauren is “re-formatting” after having her heart broken.  Debbie changed her status from married to single. Her friend Jen did not even know her marriage was in trouble.  I also came across the following post on the wall of one of my friends.

So evidently there is this new pick up line that guys are using it goes like this: ” hey so i would like to see you again” Me?  Yeah you! Want my number or do you have Facebook I can find you on there? I  laughed! That was the worst pick up line! it is sad that social networking has denigrated into  chickenshit dating! How sad! What is this world is coming to? WTF! “

Doesn’t her statement pretty much sum up Generation Y dating? For much of my dating life we did not even have cell phones. You had to ask for a home number. You took the risk of nosy parents, brothers and sisters answering the phone. You had to be on your game from minute one. How in the world did our parents get by?  Isn’t it amazing we are even here?  God forbid we should actually have to look someone in the eye when asking them out.

Now we are not even asking for phone number. We are asking for email addresses. We are asking for Facebook and Myspace pages. We are “texting our way to love”  For evidence of this look no further than my real life friends Monica and Hollywood movie star Alan. She live in Manhattan and he lives in L.A.  I recently wrote about my attempt at a “Facebook hookup” on their behalf.  You can read about their “textlationship” in the premiere episode of “Text In The City”.

We are advertising to the entire social networking world that we are on the market. We have started and ended and relationships on these same sites. We used to break up in restaurants so there would not be a scene. Now we find out for the first time when we see our boyfriend or girlfriend’s Facebook relationship status suddenly set to “single and looking” We try to contact them(on Facebook of course) and find we are now “blocked”. Relationship death by Facebook at its best. I would bet that within the 18-35 crowd there are almost as many relationships started and ended by text, email and social networking announcements than by an actual phone call. God forbid you have the guts to actually meet someone in person and talk about a future or lack thereof.

In my day, if you met a girl in a bar and she thought you were a total geek loser, the phone number she gave you was actually the phone number to Blockbuster Video. (I rented a lot of movies) For Generation X you got a phone number from The Rejection Hotline.(see video below) They have pre-recorded “rejection phone numbers to cover just about any scenario. Today, your blow-off is a girl giving you an address to her Facebook or MySpace page entitled:


When are we going to start seeing “wiki” personals and social networking sites where everyone who knows you basically creates your profile.  Would you have the guts to turn your social page into a “wiki” and let the masses collaborate on what your page should say?   A social wikipieda not geared at the facts of your life but at who you really are.  I envision a Linkedin type of dating where you solicit recommendations from your friends and they post them on  your profile.  For each verifiable recommendation you get a “date rate”.  The higher the “date rate” the more dateable your are.  The key would be that once you ask for the recommendation you can not change what they put on your profile good or bad. Of course like recommendations for any job interview you would probably not ask anyone who was going to put on your profile that you are a:

“mac-daddy” 30k millionaire with delusions of every one else’s grandeur” .

We have gone from “Dear John Letters” to “Dear John Phone Numbers” to “Dear John Texts” to” Dear John social networking pages.

I am definitely not naming my kid John. The odds are against him meeting someone right off the bat.

When all else fails, just Date or Dump Web 2.0 Style!

©2008 Brian Cuban

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“Text In The City”

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“Text In The City”

You would think the following text message exchange is right out of a Sex In The City episode.  It is a real life exchange between two people I tried to hook up on a blind date.  She lives in Manhattan and he is a very well known Hollywood actor.  I have Monica’s permission to reprint the exchange.  I hope Alan has a sense of humor.  I first introduced them on Facebook and they took it from there. The back story to this exchange is that Monica and Alan had been having a torrid “text romance” but have been unsuccessful in trying to meet for dinner so they agreed to meet for a late coffee(9 pm) at Starbucks in Mid-Town.  Monica arrives on time but Alan is running late.  Monica is waiting anxiously in anticipation of their first Starbucks meet.  Alan finally texts her (some texts have been combined to save space).

(Alan)   Give me Ten Minutes

(Monica) So, I gave you 20 mins. Haven’t heard from you. Guess your not going to show, good night.

(Alan) I’m in a cab NOW heading to the financial district just tell me the cross streets.

(Monica) You are too late, going home.

(Alan) OK but lets discuss it further when I get there.

(Monica) No. I am meeting a friend for a bite. Sorry. You should have communicated better. Next time.

(Alan) I ‘m almost there, I’ll join you and u’r friend, in fact I’ll buy you both dinner:o)

(Monica) No thank you

(Alan) Great! Which restaurant are we meeting at?

(Monica) Alan, I don’t need your charity.  I need you to be on time. You missed that window and I have made other plans.  We will have to get together another time.

(Alan) I took a cab all the way down here. It cost me a fortune.  Can you recommend a nice restaurant I can have a meal at by myself?  With all due respect there will not be another time.

(Monica) You are being ridiculous. You were 45 minutes late and I made plans.  Its your own fault. Don’t take it out on me!  Plus we were supposed to meet in  your neighborhood not mine.

(Monica)  If anything you should have apologized.  I have had one hell of a day and do not deserve to be treated that  way!

(Alan)  Ur nuts. If we were going to meet in my neighborhood you would hadda traveled up here it would have taken at least a half hour, i was coming to u to make it easy.  now I’m walking all  the way back from wall street I’m at canal, again no disrespect , and in an apologetic tone, LOSE MY NUMBER!

(Alan)  I left my wallet at my meeting and I used all my cash for the cab

(Monica) We talked about me coming to you. I am sorry you left your wallet at the restaurant. I’m not sure how all this is my fault. Why are you being so nasty to me?   I didn’t do anything to you. Do you need me to bring you some money?  I’m no sure what you want me to do here.  By the way, if you don’t have your wallet how were you planning on buying my friend and me dinner?

(Alan) I’m not being nasty, just straightforward.  I thought it would be better for u and considerate of me to come meet you downtown.  Anyway Ive taken off my coat and tie, rolled up my suit  jacket  and am going to try to panhandle-i’m at the union sq. park. I just need to raise 2 bux for the train

(Alan) This is embarrassing.  I hope ur satisfied!

(Alan) No.  Please don’t bring any money. I’ve already gotten 30 cents-i’ll raise two bux in less than 20 minutes but thank for the gesture. :o)

(Monica)  Your choice.  Stay away from the crack dealers.

(Alan) I need to put the Blackberry away or else they’ll think I as at one of those giant evil banks, and they won’t pity me.-they’ll spit on me! So I can’t continue to communicate with u…..

(Alan) No hard feelings-just not meant to be.

There you have it.  Just another night on the brutal streets of Manhatten.  A night of broken promises, betrayal, anger, rejection and financial ruin. STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF TEXT IN THE CITY!

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