So the three major candidate’s passport files have been “breached.”

I love that word ‘breached” A very scary word right up there with leeches and bedbugs…. A word so scary that I hear there is legislation in the works to make it a crime to scream “BREACH!” In any federal government meeting…… A word that unites conspiracy theorists worldwide. So when the CNN Breaking News blurb shoots across my Blackberry that all major presidential candidates passport files had been “BREACHED” I immediately conjured up images of Aldrich Ames and Robert Hanssen. Some long forgotten Soviet Mole scanning these files to do great harm to our democratic way of life….. A terrifying thought.

In reality we deal with a theory I learned when I watched the movie Contact called Ockham’s Razor. The basics of this theory are that all things being equal, the simplest explanation is the correct one.

So which is the simpler explanation: That clandestine political moles “breached” these passport files in furtherance of a subversive underground conspiracy to expose the private information of all the Presidential Candidates and throw the upcoming Presidential Election into chaos.

Is it more likely that the files were not “breached’ but simply snooped at by three stooges named Larry Moe and Shemp who were just caught up in the TMZ way of tabloid life and were looking for some good gossip to sell to Entertainment Tonight. Is it even more likely that these “stooges” simply succumbed of the basic human desire to meddle in everyone else’s business…..? In addition to the “presidential files” I suspect the files of Britney Spears, Marilyn Manson, and Anna Nicole Smith were also ‘breached”

Despite the simplest answer being the likeliest, in the grand tradition of grand jury mania, government waste, inept assistant U.S. Attorneys and politicians with absolutely nothing better to do; we will now have committees and grand juries convened, specials prosecutors appointed, subpoenas issued, Millions wasted instead of simply firing the people who snooped and be sure there is better supervision and accountability going forward… A lot more effective and less expensive…. Go figure….

I think all Americans should strive to get “BREACHED” One day your “BREACHED” the next thing you know you’re on the Girls Gone Wild party bus stripping with Ashley Alexandra Dupre and Eliot Spitzer….

God Bless America!

Attorney: Spitzer escort was 17 in ‘Wild’ videos – CNN.com

Joe Francis, the Girls Gone Wild scumbag and Ashley Alexandra Dupre the, Elliot Spitzer call girl extraordinaire and professional gold digger have a lot in common. They both can’t seem to win for trying. Francis first spends over a year in jail without being convicted of anything in a bizarre scenario starting with a criminal contempt citation in Panama City Florida and ending with Federal Indictments in Nevada. There were also various charges ranging in drug trafficking to child pornography. He recently pled out on many of the charges and was released but still faces trial on income tax evasion.

He then offers a cool mill to Dupre to appear in a GGW photospread and do some “promo work” consisting of spending some time on the infamous ‘GGW Drugs Sex And Rock n Roll Bus”. Before Francis can fork over the money, they find they are already in possession GGW video of a younger Dupre in various stages of undress and performing girl on girl sex acts.  Francis of course withdraws the offer.

Dupre, seeing her Park Avenue Penthouse suddenly disappear is not about to let Francis buy his Penthouse “off her back”. She can earn the money for that Penthouse “on her back” without his help and of course now claims that she was 17 when the video was taken. Francis of course is not amenable to spending anymore time in the gray bar Hilton, especially the Panama Florida Grey Bar Hilton who would love to have him back as a guest. Francis will spend some serious bank determining what her true age was when she appeared on the video. When those videos are finally released expect Francis to have his ass covered to the extent that he will probably have an affidavit from the delivery room nurse present when Dupre was born….

Bottom Line: Francis was already a rich scumbag and this will not affect that status. Dupre should not count on losing her ‘gold digger for hire” tag just yet…..

Francis and Dupre have one big thing in common, Francis is awaiting trial on income tax evasion and Dupre should not be too far behind him on that score.

Sounds like a match made in heaven. Instead of marrying and “rocking the house” they will be doing some “jail house rock”……

You know who really cleaned up here….. The person person who took the Vegas odds that Eliot Spitzer, Joe Francis and Ashley Dupre would ever be mentioned together in one story…… That person just topped Mark Cuban in the Forbes 400…..