I voted for John McCain.  Not because  I did not think Barack Obama could run our country but because I really did not know Barack Obama. I could not get a good feel for what his foreign policy was. That worried me. I was not concerned about his economic policies (save his health insurance proposals which I still feel will close many a small business if implemented as stated). I frankly did not think either he or John McCain would have a significant impact on the economy over the next four years.  New ideas, invention and the entrepreneurial spirit will drive economic change, not vague policies and tax base shifts.  I was however  worried about and still am concerned about his foreign policy.  A lot has been written in the  Jewish community that his is no friend of Israel.  Not because of any animus towards Israel or Jews but because of a rhetorically soft approach to enemies of the United States who are also enemies of Israel.  This is something that concerned me. I knew what John McCain’s Middle East policies were. I was comfortable with them.

John McCain will not be our next President.  The rhetoric is for the history books.  I am ready to give Barack Obama the chance to show that he will continue strong U.S support of Israel’s security and borders as well as all other foreign allies we have long vowed to support in time of need in addition to defending our country against enemies foreign and domestic.  All Jews and Americans everywhere should give him that chance as well.

(CNN Washington)- In an attempt to shore up the McCain-Palin run to the presidency and in a final effort to sway uncommitted swing state voters  Republican V.P. candidate Sarah Palin  her new new “CMDR Initiative”.  She stated that CMDR would change the way the average person lives in today’s world.  This initiative is expected to bring a quick turn-around to what is thought to be the most dramatic economic crisis in U.S history.  When asked to comment Palin, who was in Dallas,Texas for a private fundraiser stated:

“Desperate times call for desperate measures. Dramatic steps are needed to restore sound fundamentals to the U. S. economy”

Governor Palin went on to state that the  CMDR  would stimulate the economy in ways never envisioned as well as bring a return to “real family values” like the ones she sees watching the television series “Dallas” in her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska.  When it was pointed out that Dallas has been off the air for 17 years, Palin admitted that change has come slowly to Wasilla but still felt the series emulated the family and  material values she expected from her children as they leave the seclusion of Wasilla and learned how to party like rock stars.

A CNN investigative reporter was able to obtain a copy of the confidential “CMDR Initiative Action Plan.” For security and legal reasons, we cannot post the report on our site but now for the first time, readers can see the main CMDR points prior to the plan’s implementation.

CMDR stands for “Certificate of Minimum Dating Requirements.”

We have also learned that this initiative was originally attached to the recently passed Economic Bailout Plan. It is now being pushed through in emergency legislative session to address what has become an “epidemic” of guys who have no job or visible means of support showing up for dates with girls by bus or bicycle.

This plan will substantially increase used car sales and relieve a strain on public transportation and the pretentiousness of dating in general – something all parties feel is the breaking point. The plan would also ensure that there is 100 percent employment in the lowest tiers of employability such a fast food restaurants as part of the new McCain “ONE CHILD, ONE BURGER” initiative. It would also ensure that all ditches that need dug are in fact dug.

The key element of this new legislation will be the formation of a national CMDR database. Inclusion in the database will be strictly voluntary.  In order to get in the CMDR Database, a guy or girl will have to do the following:

Provide the database administrator with a current address, not a P.O. Box as well as proof of U.S Citizenship.

Allow the database administrator to do a registered sex offender check.

Provide the database administrator with a current title to a vehicle at least equivalent to minimum buy-in BMW.

Provide the database administrator with two current pay stubs evidencing a salary of at least $50K per year.

Provide documentation that you are not married and do not live with your parents.

To be in the database, you agree to update this information every three months. This information will be encoded into the driver’s license of all those who participate in the database. The database will charge a fee of $20 per month. This fee will provide a reader capable of reading the encoding on the driver’s license.

We have learned it will work as follows:

Let’s say a girl meets a guy she likes. She has the legal right to ask if that guy is in the CMDR Database. If he isn’t, the girl can assume that he probably does not own a car or takes the bus to pick up dates, is unemployed and may be a registered sex offender.

If you do not own a car because of you live an enumerated major city, you can apply for a “Big Apple Exemption” from the vehicle requirement.

If the guy is in the database, the girl may scan his driver’s license through the reader and the display will show what kind of car he drives, his sex offender status, and how much he makes per year. She may then make an intelligent decision on whether to go on a date with him.

Palin stated that as a mother of 3 girls she has a personal stake in ensuring that  complete losers who show up for their dates on bikes and buses will go buy a car.  It is also felt that this will drastically reduce the number of perverts and $30K a year millionaires asking out unsuspecting women.

In order to encourage inclusion in the new CMDR Database, it was announced that the first 1,000 people will get a free “No Deadbeats” credit check!

John McCain took time out from preparations for the up-coming town-hall debate  to comment.  He stated that something needed to be done about unemployed geeks because they were an unnecessary drain on the economy. He recommended military conscription for those who could not obtain a CMDR. He pointed out that they would be employable when they came out and who didn’t want to date a man in uniform?  When pressed to elaborate, he pointed out that he had found a rich hottie young enough to be his daughter but admitted that he already had a Beemer when he snagged her.  McCain went on to state that 7 homes and a trust fund trophy wife would be within the grasp of all lower and middle class Americans should his CMDR initiative pass.

When confronted with the leaked version of the initiative New York Senator Hillary Clinton who was out stumping for Senator Barack Obama  was surprisingly receptive. She gave the following statement:

“Most females agree with the bedrock conservative premise that dating toothless unemployed losers without cars and who live with their mommies and daddies was a major problem in today’s society and action needed to be taken. Taking your date to McDonalds by bus or bicycle is not the answer to our problems – it is the problem. I believe that as a movement, we have veered off course into the dangerous and uncharted waters of settling for the hot bodied pool boy with the bus pass versus sacrificing some looks for the comfort and security of a guy holding a CMDR.”

Senator Clinton was also quoted as saying “better a hunchback with a Beemer than a pool boy with a bus pass. It worked for me. ”

Chelsea Clinton who was stumping with her mother refused to comment on CMDR but was quietly overheard telling a friend that she had not had a date in years anyways so she really didn’t care
one way or another.

Senator Barrack Obama stated that he would welcome the opportunity to debate the economics of the CMDR initiative.   He felt that while the plan had merit it did not go far enough.  While he would not comment furthur he was heard in a “hot mike” telling an adviser that if he could snag a Ivy League babe anyone could.  He also stated that he had just made his last payment on his 1980 BMW.

More to follow…

TMZ (Alaska)  It what has been termed the most shocking development to date in the  Republican Vice Presidential nomination of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and possibly in human history  “The Thirty Mile Zone”(TMZ) has learned that Palin will issue a statement admitting that her newborn baby is not hers.   She will reveal that approximately 20 years ago and shortly after winning the Ms. Wasilla beauty contest she was abducted by aliens and beamed up to their ship.  She underwent medical examination and was  forced to undergo an “alien marriage” to a lizard like creature that has taken human shape in the form of her  husband Todd.  She claims Todd was her high school sweetheart but an exhaustive records search turned up no evidence that he ever attended high school.  A long time Wasilla resident who wished to remain anonymous stated:

“Neither I nor anyone I know had ever seen Todd before they started dating. It was if he had dropped out of the sky.  I do remember that he always had very bad breath.”

Palin will  admit that these aliens are “asexual”  and not capable of reproduction as we currently understand the process.   She has undergone artificial “alien insemination” in a secret lab at Area 51 for the last twenty years in order to maintain the appearance of a normal life. These insemination procedures  often took place with President George Bush and Presidential Candidate John McCain in attendance. Palin also claims that  she has concrete evidence that Presidential Candidate Barack Obama and wife Michelle are also not of this earth. They are members of an alien race  she called “Obamaroids”.  These Obamaroids have taken up positions in all levels of government with the intent of mind control enslavement of the human race.  Palin pointed to the fact that Obama’s biggest financial contributor is the multi-billion dollar conglomerate Manchurian Global. Manchurian has been dogged by rumors for decades that they have attempted to place people they control in various levels of government.

Palin alleges that for the past 3 years there have been breaches of United States airspace by extra-terrestrial crafts which have deposited millions of undetected “pods” hidden in rural farm fields and uninhabited terrain in both the United States, Canada. After a three week “gestation” period, these pods hatch the lizard-like Obamaroid creatures. When fully developed they appear completely human to the naked eye and communicate both verbally, telepathically along with mind control capabilities.

Rumor has it that President Bush will shortly issue an executive order extending the Military Commissions Act of 2006 to extra-terrestrials.  He will then declare  Barrack and Michelle Obama “enemy combatants and have them transferred to  specially fortified holding cell in Guantanamo Bay.  This will effectively end Obama’s presidential bid and hand the election to the McCain/Palin ticket. Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama had little to say when briefed on these developments but a large bottle of Scope mouthwash was conspicuously at his side.

Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain stated that he was ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum and he was all out of bubble gum.  He also stated that he was ready to “re-up” for military service and felt confident that he could be brought up to speed quickly on the new military fighter jets. When asked if his age would prevent him from military service, McCain stated that he had just watched the movie Independence Day and if Randy Quaid could save the world from aliens, he should get his shot.

Stay tuned for part 2 of this TMZ  special report entitled  Aliens At The Gates!

(WASHINGTON) CNN has learned that President George W. Bush will announce what he termed a “historic news conference”. Press Secretary Dana Perino stated that the announcement would be of unprecedented scientific and political significance. While the administration has been tight lipped on any further details, CNN has been able to obtain certain key details and the attached photos taken with a cell phone camera smuggled into Area 51. The photos are both stunning and frightening in their national and world significance.

CNN has has been told that an announcement will be made that the question of whether we are alone in the universe has been answered. The answer will pose a significant threat to national and world security. President Bush is considering a complete recall of the National Guard from the Middle East. An emergency session of Congress has been convened to consider reinstating the draft to deal with this galactic threat.

It appears that for the past 3 years there have been breaches of United States airspace by extra-terrestrial crafts which have deposited millions of undetected “pods” hidden in rural farm fields and uninhabited terrain in both the United States, Canada. After a three week “gestation” period, these pods have hatched humanoid creatures which the Bush administration as termed “OBOMAROIDS”.

CNN has learned that these “OBAMAROIDS” when fully developed appear completely human to the naked eye and communicate both verbally, telepathically along with mind control capabilities. These OBAMAROIDS were first detected through a mysterious signal that seemed to be emanating from Obama Girls videos on YouTube.

A team of decryption specialists at MIT have been able to determine that the source of the signal. It is a previously undetected alien satellite of unknown origin orbiting the earth. While the meaning of the signals are still unknown, it has been determined that part of the signal transmits the message: “I am John McCain, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Catch Up” It has also been determined though brain scans that there is a definite mind control component to the signal. It is unknown how long this signal has been transmitted and how many people have been infected.

President Bush will issue an executive order tommorow extending the Military Commissions Act of 2006 to extra-terrestrials. He will then declare the Obama girls “enemy combatants”. They have already been arrested by the FBI and are being held in a specially fortified holding cell in Guantanamo Bay. This cell is designed to prevent any type of signals going in or out.

Scientists from all over the world have alleged come together at Area 51 in New Mexico to hopefully determine the extent of the invasion and whether the signal has affected the internet. Specially designed sunglasses are being developed that would be able to spot these OBAMAROIDS in their alien form. One MIT scientist speaking on condition of anonymity due to national security concerns stated when seen in their alien form , these OBMAROIDS were ugly, “lizard like” creatures.

Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama had little to say when briefed on these developments. He was overhead on a “hot mike” commenting that he had purchased new designer sunglasses for everyone on his staff.

Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain stated that he was ready to battle the OBAMAROIDS wherever they were on land and sea. He also stated that he was ready to “re-up” for military service and felt confident that he could be brought up to speed quickly on the new military fighter jets. When asked if his age would prevent him from military service, McCain stated that he had just watched the movie Independence Day and if Randy Quaid could save the world from aliens, he should get his shot.

Stay tuned for part 2 of this special CNN special report entitled ATTACK OF THE OBAMAROIDS!