Playoff caliber New York based national law firm with Mark Cuban style ownership recruiting All Star caliber players for it’s 2008 Championship Run. Must be able to play a high scoring up-tempo run and gun style. Must have been a top ten draft and must be on track to start at least 2800 hours for your current team. The following positions are in immediate demand:

1. Starting Center: Must be an established starting “bruiser” with a “Shaq Like” presence able to gracefully yet forcefully move through the litigation process and “block out” opposing counsel when unnecessary. Must have an established fan base who will faithfully follow you to your new arena. Must be willing to promote your new team with public appearances, autograph signings and possess the general arrogant swagger of an All Star starting Center…

2. Power Forward: Must be able to integrate seamlessly with the starting center for a flawless “post up’ game. Must be able to drive to the hoop in the face of mountains of briefs, unreasonable deadlines, obstructive opposing counsel and senile judges….

3. Point Guard: Must be able to run the offense as set by coach. Resolves complex legal issues with brilliant time effective research. Seamlessly passes off research opinions keeping bad passes to minimum. Able to stand his/her ground and take a charge for the team when the power forward or center mishandle the ball.

If you are a motivating high flying all star who can call the plays, push the ball, post it, pass it, slam it and jam it, we are the law firm for you! Call us at 212-NBALAW for an immediate tryout.

ITS SHOWTIME BABY!

Who out there does not know a good lawyers joke…..   Who out there is really not joking when they tell it?   My favorite is “What are 200 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean…Answer:  A good start……

Why is that my favorite?  It is actually a truism.  There are way too many lawyers in this country…  There are way too many law schools in this country.  As of the writing of this article there were 196 ABA accredited law schools. There are more law students than lawyers in this country.  Law schools have ceased being places of distinguished legal ideals as their primary purpose and are now simply profit centers in their own right constantly looking for new ways to generate revenue to compete for more students and a very shallow pool of legal teaching talent

My town of Dallas, Texas recently tried to get an initiative through the Texas Legislature that would add a new law school based in Downtown Dallas. This law school would have been part of the University of North Texas.   Just what we need. Another substandard law school turning out more soon to be unemployed lawyers selling the “paper chase” Harvard ideal of what lawyers can expect in the real world in exchange for handing over that almighty dollar.  Thank god it was shot down but it is expected to pass in the next legislative session.

Bad new everyone….. No matter what you do, you are going to stick some half-ass school in there that will always be that.  What’s the goal here anyways?   What is it you expect to be in ten years……? In twenty years…….  Maybe you will raise your ranking from the worst to the second worst?   A worthy goal worthy of our legislative support…..   We all know what the real goal is and it is nothing as noble as educational ideals….. MONEY!

The good news is that I do have a solution.  First off we take the bottom half of all law schools and close them.  Unless of course my law school, The University of Pittsburgh is in that half.  If it is we close all law schools below my school. Self preservation of course starts with me…..   We give all disenfranchised law students educational incentives/financial credits to continue their education in areas that will benefit society and which they will actually be employable such as teaching. For those who actually think they can benefit the legal profession, they can complete with everyone else for the slots at the top tier schools.

We should also be able to sell our law degrees.  Let the free market Rule.  Lets devise a national bar exam specifically for that purpose.  If someone passes the test, their score will dictate the law degree they can purchase.   The higher the score the better the school…  We will start seeing law degrees for sale on EBay.  The market will set the worth of your education….. The only legal requirement will be that any money you get first has to pay back your student loan.  What the hell… you were not paying back anyways ………   Good luck selling that Metropolitan Dallas YMCA Night School of Law degree….. 

For those who oppose these measures ……

What are fifty thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean