I was walking to the gym the other day and passed by a line at least 1/2 mile long. I did not see anyone in that line that appeared to be over 25 with many pre-teens and parents. I thought they were giving away free Miley Cyrus tickets. When I realized the line was for the new Apple 3G iPhone, a wave of “Blackberry Inadequacy” rushed over me. I immediately whipped out my Blackberry Curve and sent an email to myself to prove that Blackberry reigns supreme. When the email instantly popped up, I felt an instant wave of self-reassuring peace come over me better than any high the crack bum under the local freeway was getting at that moment in time.

I recently read an article about a push by law firms to ban the use of Blackberrys at high-level meetings with a “no device policy” Good luck with that. I don’t know of any meeting important enough to distract me from my CNN breaking news alerts or email notification that I have a new Facebook friend.

What can be more satisfying than being in an important meeting, being asked something I don’t know, stepping outside, googling for the answer and coming back in armed with a wikis worth of the info asked for as well as the latest ESPN scores and a new date from Match.com. (I was rejected by E-Harmony).

My blackberry has a name(Spartacus). My blackberry never leaves my head, my hand, my mind, my dreams, my ambitions, my desires. Anyone who tries to separate me from my Blackberry will incur the wrath of Spartacus.

If they did a study on it, I would be willing to bet that the rush of seeing that new mail icon on a Blackberry is equivalent to shooting up heroin.

It is only a matter of time before membership in BA(Blackberry Anonymous) eclipses Alcoholics Anonymous.
“Blackberry Service Outage Rage” is getting right up there with road rage and high school shootings

I have also heard that there is a push to include “Blackberry Personality Disorder” and “Blackberry Separation Anxiety” as accepted mental illnesses in the New DSM4 and used as a defense in criminal trials. I know I have conversations with my Blackberry Don’t you? Mine also talks back to me. Doesn’t yours? I will forever defend my God given right revel in the superiority of my Blackberry over iPhone. Give me my Crackberry or Give me Death!

©2008 Brian Cuban

Fresh off of accusations that he carried on a ten year affair with country singer Mindy McCready starting when he was 28 and she was 15, Roger Clemens today has also admitted that has had a secret crush on child star Miley Cryus since she turned 15 years old.

When confronted with his statements ,Roger admitted that while the age difference between he and Miley is greater than it was for he and Mindy. He stated… “age is just a number” and Mindy was very “mature” for a 15 year old so he did not expect Miley to be any different….

Roger stated that after being highly aroused by Miley’s latest provocative photo spread in Vanity Fair and seeing her recent “show all” bodysuit he felt “compelled” to come out of the closet with his secret crush…..

Roger stated that if Miley felt the same way, he would provide her with all the “moral and financial support” he provided Mindy and he saw no reason that Miley could not have the same happy life as Mindy McCready.

When it was pointed out to Roger that Mcready had been to jail, addicted to drugs and had been in an abusive relationship in the years since they met, Roger stated that Miley had a good head on her shoulders and was certainly “all grown up” for a 15 year old…. What was good enough for MIndy was certainly good eough for Miley…

Roger closed by stating that his long term goal for Miley was for her to have a guest spot in Mindy’s upcoming reality show entitled “Guys Do It With Younger Girls All The Time”

Calls to Miley Cyrus reps went unreturned……

This is all “tongue in cheek” I realize there are thousands of different celebs that could be on the list. I just took the people from the Parade Magazine list.

The annual Parade Magazine “What People Earn” issue is out today. After perusing the list, I decided to cast my own votes for the top ten overrated and overpaid celebs on the Parade List. The people here are only the ones listed on the Parade Magazine list. (other than ashley dupre)

10. Miley Cyrus at 18.2 Million. What can I say. I am not 15 and don’t have any kids…. After seeing the recent photo of her in her very disturbing “show it all” spandex outfit, I will be voting her as the most likely to either be in rehab, swinging from a pole or starring in a Girls Gone Wild Video by age 21.

9. 50 Cent at 33 Million.(rapper) He is apparently some rapper guy. Rapping in my book ended with Run DMC Regardless, anyone making millions talking fast to music is overrated….

8. Jeff Foxworthy (comedian) 10 million. I saw this guy last year at a charity benefit. You’re a red neck. We get it. Get over it…..

7. Mary Kate Olsen(actress-entrepreneur) 17 million. I always confuse her with Hillary Duff. When you are interchangeable you are overrated….

6. Jessica Alba (actress) 10 million, Everyone agrees you are hot…. and what else……..?

5. Chelsea Lynn, (Television reporter-Alaska) 28,900 With a name like that she would do a lot better making porn.

4. Any actor or actress on Desperate Housewives……

3. Ashley Alexandra Dupree , amounts unknown, the call girl extraordinaire of Eliot Spitzer fame will cash in somehow although her prospects are dwindling by the day….. She should have taken the million from Girls Gone Wild while she could. Unfortunately for her there is now nothing left to the imagination. When guys have seen it before they pay for it, the fantasy bubble is busted and you are condemned to the ranks of the overrated…. The hottest most highly rated women always have their clothes on…….

2. Trouble ( Leona Helmsleys dog), 12 million. Trouble the dog beats out Dr. Phil because unlike Dr. Phil at least there is documented theraputic value to holding her and you will probably see it coming if you are going to get bitten….

DRUM ROLL PLEASE…. The NO 1 MOST OVERRATED AND OVERPAID CELEBRITY ON THE PARADE LIST IS……

DR. PHIL MCGRAW!

90 million

Dr. Phil is not only the most over-rated and overpaid talk show host(and thats all he is) in America. He is the most dangerous. He uses a facade of credibility he does not have to meddle in the lives of people already in a fragile state. He is not the first talk show host to do this but he is the most agressive about it. Everyone is familiar with his unwanted intrustion into the fragile life of Britney Spears. Most recently his show paid the bail for one of the girls charged with the now infamous” Youtube beating in an attempt to get her on the show. Who the hell does he think he is playing a life or death game with these young people. A degree on the wall does not qualify him to meddle and anyone who thinks his agenda is to help is delusional in the extreme….

Dr Phil beats out Paris Hilton here hands down. At least she is harmless…….