(Washington) The grass-roots watchdog group, Pervs For Politicians(PFP) has released its nominations for the Political Pervert Of The New Millennium Award. An executive panel was convened at the PFP national convention to evaluate the nominees. The criteria for selection included overall depravity of the act, whether the act broke any laws, whether public funds were used to support the pervert lifestyle and how long they were able to conceal their perversions from family and public. Among those casting votes were honorary PFP board members including former President Bill Clinton, former Speaker Of The House Newt Gingrich, former presidential candidate Gary Hart and Monica Lewinsky. Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain declined an honorary board membership based on the nebulous timeline in his divorce and subsequent marriage to Cindy McCain. When asked for comment McCain stated, “cut me a break, I’m 71 and my trophy wife is smokin.”
Here are the nominees:
1. Elliot Spitzer – Former New York Governor Spitzer earned his nomination by cheating on his wife with now infamous Hooters girl gone wild party hooker Ashely Dupree. Spitzer was recently seen entering the Mayflower hotel for a rumored meeting with Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis. They are rumored to be in negotiations for the new Francis reality series entitled: “Pervert Politicians Do The Beltway! Get On The Bus!”
2. John Edwards: Former presidential candidate John Edwards was a late entry for the PFP award. Edwards recently admitted to having an affair with his former campaign videographer Reille Hunter. One panel member who spoke on the condition of anonymity stated that Edwards nomination was a close call. The panel was divided on whether having an affair while his wife battled terminal cancer qualified him as a political pervert or for the Political Scumbag of The Year Award to be handed out later this year. It is rumored that as the story broke Edwards was lobbying the Bush administration to have Hunter declared an enemy combatant and sent to live in a private villa at Guantanamo Bay.
3. Kwame Kilpatrick (Democrat): In 2002 Kwame, the current mayor of Detroit, was accused of throwing a “stripper party” at the Manoogian Mansion. In January 2008 The Detroit Free Press broke the existence of more than 14,000 text messages exchanged between Kilpatrick and his chief of staff Christine Beatty. Many of the messages were sexually graphic in nature and referred to the extra-martial relationship between the two as well as efforts to cover-up his alleged misconduct while in office. Mayor Kilpatrick also has the honor of being the only serving mayor currently under felony indictment for official misconduct. He was unavailable for comment on his nomination as he is currently incarcerated for violating the terms of his bail stemming from the pending felony charges.
4. Larry Craig(Republican): Idaho Senator Larry Craig is considered to be a front runner for the PFP award. Senator Craig was arrested for lewd conduct in the men’s bathroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. Craig gave a whole new meaning to the “footsies mating call” in allegedly soliciting some good old bathroom peep hole “yanks” from an undercover police officer. Unfortunately for the Senator the only thing yanked that day was the cloak over his perv lifestyle. It is rumored that Senator Craig will be introducing legislation to have all toilet stalls in Idaho public restrooms moved closer together. When asked to comment on the new legislation, Craig stated that contact in public restrooms should be encouraged as a learning experience bringing people closer.
5. Mark Foley(Republican): Foley resigned from Congress after allegations that he had sent suggestive emails and sexually explicit instant messages to teenage boys serving as Congressional pages. He had allegedly also sent them to former pages. Foley allegedly e-mailed one page offering a stay at his home in exchange for oral sex. Foley allegedly e-mailed another page requesting a photo of his “erect penis”. Foley was unavailable for comment on his PFP nomination. It is rumored he is chairing the “Foley’s Young Perky Pages For Congress” Convention in Bangkok, Thailand. A calendar is rumored to be in the works along with the Foley’s Perky Pages Twitter Network.
6. James Mcgreevey(Democrat): The former governor of New Jersey resigned from office after admitting that he had an affair with a male aide. When reached for comment, Mcgreevey condemned the nomination. When it was pointed out that the PFP nomination was not for being gay but for having and affair and shaming his wife and family he stated, “They will get over it”. Mcgreevey, now a seminary student further stated that he was happy over a recent ruling that he would not have to pay his ex-wife alimony. He and his love partner wold be using the money saved for a two week trip to the Hedonism Resort.
7.David Vitter(Republican): The senator from Louisiana found himself ensnared in the D.C. Madam scandal when his telephone number showed up in her phone book. Vitter was previously accused by a member of the Louisiana Republican State Central Committee of carrying on a lengthy affair with a prostitute in New Orleans’s French Quarter. Vitter has recently been seen in the company of nasty girl gone wild Ashley Dupree. When asked for comment he stated, “She was good enough for Spitz, shes good enough for the Vittsman”.
8. David Patterson(Democrat):- Not to be out-done by former New York governor Elliot Spitzer, current governor David Paterson admitted to several affairs. Patterson stated he maintained one relationship for two or three years with “a woman other than my wife.” It is rumored that Patterson will introduce new legislation that anyone running for the Senate or Governor in New York must have at least one extra-marital affair under his/her belt. The legislation is co-sponsored by New York Senator Hillary Clinton.
A reprsentative of the Pervs For Politicians national selection committe stated that all nominees have been asked to provide photos, sex tapes, hotel receipts and any other evidence that would support being named the Political Pervert Of The New Millenium. Voting will begin online shortly. Stayed tuned for further details.