(ESPN) Inspired by the incredible ratings of the  NHL outdoor Winter Classic Hockey games, The National Football League announced today that in light of the number of NFL players currently facing jail time, doing time and having done prison time, there will be an off-season exhibition game played against the to be formed NFL CONVICT ALL STAR TEAM. The team will be complete organized and funded by the NFL as well as funds obtained from the Federal Economic Bailout.   team was formed from NFL players currently serving prison time or having already served time and released. Tryouts were recently held at Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary. While the list of the names of the former players who tried out was kept under tight security, ESPN investigators were able to get a list of those trying out.We have learned that the game will be telecast on pay per view at the price of 49.95 on the NFL Network. An NFL spokesperson speaking on the condition of anonymity stated that they see no reason why this should not become an annual event for many years to come.

When questioned as to why they thought there would be a steady stream of players, the spokesperson stated that given the number of NFL players arrested yearly they should have no problem fielding a team for years to come. It was also pointed out that there were an increasing number of college football arrests that could be beneficial to the new team. It was specifically noted that about half the Penn State Nittany Lion football team was facing jail time for one offense or another… They were keeping a close eye on that situation for recruiting purposes. Here are the confirmed starters so far:

• 1. Michael Vick at quarterback. Vick is serving 23 months at Levenworth Federal Prison as a result of his plea of guilty to numerous charges related to dog fighting. It was felt that Mike’s “vicious, merciless style” is well suited for the team. They had Michael Vick at quarterback for the foreseeable future and that would be enough to field a competitive team. He stated that Vick as the cornerstone for the new team fit the “running” persona of the team perfectly.

• 2. Starting at wide receiver will be former Carolina Panthers wide received Rae Carruth currently doing 18 years for conspiring to kill his girlfriend. You will recall that Ray went on the run and was found hiding in the trunk of a car. A perfect target for the “running’ style of Vick who often can’t hit the broad side of a barn let alone a car trunk…..

• 3. A surprise starter is former Pittsburgh Steelers running back Byron “Bam Morris. A former Doak Walker award winner, Morris served 30 months at Leavenworth Federal Prison for drug trafficking. Morris is currently playing for the Katy Copperheads of the National Indoor Football League. It is rumored however that he feels his career will be better served on the All Con Team. He is currently negotiating with authorities to violate his parole…They expect him in the starting lineup in the near future….

• 4. Also starting at running back will be former Ohio State Standout Maurice Clarett. Clarett is currently serving 7 years for robbery at the Toledo Correctional Institution. It is rumored that Clarett has already negotiated a transfer to an Israeli prison after the season is over. He will complete his sentence their and enter the Israeli Army…..

• 5. On defense, former Dallas Cowboys cornerback Dwayne Goodrich is vying for a starting position. Goodrich is currently serving 7 years for criminally negligent homicide. Goodrich, while on his way home from a strip club, struck and killed two people who were trying to help a stranded motorist pulled off to the side of the highway. It is hoped that his slashing, reckless collision oriented style will help in running down open field running backs . When asked about the new team, Goodrich stated that he hoped the team would be able to land former Buffalo Bills running back and NFL Hall of Famer O.J Simpson….. Simpson is currently awaiting trial in Las Vegas on robbery and kidnapping charges. He went on to state that he did not think anyone could run O.J. down the way he could…..

The balance of the team will be named as more players enter the prison system. We have also learned that Burt Reynolds has been contacted to coach the team. When asked why Burt would be a good coach, Roger Goodell responded that he did an excellent job for that all con team many years ago…. When it was pointed out that Burt did play football at Florida State, he in fact was referring to the movie “The Longest Yard… Goodall acted surprised and stated he could have sworn Reynolds had done time for stealing a car…..

So my girlfriend and I spent this last Christmas Eve. over my brother Mark Cuban’s house. A great time was had by all. Got to see the nieces, nephew and extended family. We stuffed ourselves and watched re-runs of Law and Order “ad-nausem”. So why am I bringing this up now? Something happened that at the time seemed innocuous but appears now to have huge cultural importance” For dessert we had Cannolis. Now I have never tasted a cannoli before. My only experience with them consisted of the famous line in “The Godfather” and watching Tony Soprano consume them “ad-nausem”

Now I have to be honest here and I don’t think this is stereotyping. Walking into a Jewish household and being served Cannolis for dessert is like walking into Little Italy in NYC asking for the dessert of the day and being served Kugel or matzo ball soup.

I ate the Cannolis. I actually ate many Cannolis. I thanked Mark for expanding my cultural horizons by exposing me to the world of Cannolis.

Fast forward to today. I am perusing a back edition of Dallas party rag “Paper City” and in it there is a quote from Willa Ford-Modano, wife of Dallas Stars hockey legend Mike Modano.She was talking about gifts they had given friends for Christmas. Mike Modano and Mark happen to be very good friends. Here is the quote:

“This year, Mike (Modano) and I are sending Cannolis from Little Italy, NYC to all are close friends. They are the best Cannolis on planet Earth”

Now I know where the Cannolis came from. Thank you Mike and Willa for exposing the Cubans to the world of Cannolis. I don’t think they will ever replace a slice of Kugel or bowl of matzo ball soup but I have had a strange urge to watch Sopranos re-runs “ad-nasuem” since Christmas Eve.