I flew to San Francisco  last week.  I flew out on American Airlines.  I flew back with my brother on his plane. His plane happens to have on-board wi-fi. I booted up my computer and began to Twitter flight updates. I even Twitipic’d a photo from the plane.

I decided to post a Facebook update.  It was short and simple:

“Brian Is Twittering And Facebooking At 30 Thousand Feet”

A short and simple statement of my current status. I expected to receive comments of the ilk of “ that’s cool!” or “how are you doing that‘” or “are you on Mark’s plane“?

After I had finished Twittering I checked the Facebook comments. All hell had broken loose!  Name calling, threats, disparaging of the flight attendant profession and the passengers who utilize commercial air flight.

Read it and weep, laugh or sneer. I am giving you an abridged version having removed the expected innocuous comment such as “thats cool”,”how are you doing that” and “are you on Mark’s plane?” Other than that it is unedited.

The names have also been changed to protect the over-sensitive, the insensitive and the stellar reputation of American Airlines flight attendants around the world.

Actually, I just don’t want to find a booger in my food on my next AA flight.

Here is the comment string. It can be difficult to follow but is entertaining if you can. I have added commentary where necessary to provide context.

Disgruntled American Airlines Flight Attendant:

Hey, that electronic device is supposed to be turned off right now (Referring to me using an electronic device in-flight to Twitter and Facebook)”

Humorous Hudson Guy:

“Captain Sully would NOT be proud!!!”

Disgruntled American Airlines Flight Attendant:

“Nobody listens to us…you saw my post about the guy from Newark with his life vest on backward….”

American Airlines Frequent Flier:

“I’m guessing Cuban Air“(He was right)

Disgruntled American Airlines Flight Attendant:

“Uh…who do you think???? The only one right Brian????”(She was part right. I flew out on American but flew back with Mark on his plane)

Disgruntled American Airlines Flight Attendant:

” Oh sorry, not Newark,the Hudson(apparently referring to “Miracle On The Hudson” passengers) Whatever..it’s all the same, same airspace, same people, same everything row 3-6…same people who have no respect for authority…so different from 20 yrs ago…everyone wants to be their own pilot…no one likes the idea that they are not in control of their situation…get over it!!!! as you will sooooooo learn in the next 4 years!!!!”(Does she know something we don’t?)

Southwest Airlines Frequent Flier Enters The Fray:

“Whewww someone needs a xanax! Southwest now has in-flight free wi-fi… guess you didn’t get the memo!”

Disgruntled American Airlines Flight Attendant Fights Back:

“American was first with wi-fi…and if he’s on a 767…he’s got it on American…walk in my shoes of 29 years before you talk about Xanax…

You are probably one of those people that we wish we could drop it in their free diet coke..which isn’t free on a whole lot of airlines these days…believe me…your free coke has cost me plenty in the last 8 years…

Southwest Airlines Frequent Flier Gets Jiggy:

“Then quit. Get over it. I travel for a living too. It’s not a crisis. Chill out!”

Innocent Bystander Signals End Of Round, Sends Combatants To Their Corners:

“Ding! Ding! Ding! ….. Now this commercial airline wi-fi discussion can end.”

Disgruntled American Airlines Flight Attendant Tells It Like It Is:

” Who says I want to quit?? I love my job and I’m good at it, evidenced by weekly compliment letters..

“If you were truly a “seasoned traveler” we wouldn’t be having this debate..and yes it is a crisis. And our frequent flyers are quite aware of the problems…you, on the other hand are totally clueless.”

“I bet you think it’s okay for your cheap ticket coach passenger butt to interrupt first class service so you can use the first class lav.. and you don’t want to pay that extra $25. on top of your 125. ticket (which the platinum passenger next to you just paid 625  for.. so you bring it all on, even though you have no clue how to stow it, as our premium customers who know how and deserve the privilege of…”(Now you know what the First Class Flight Attendant Thinks Of You And Your Cut Rate First Class Ticket)

“I defend my premium passengers to the last second… They follow the rules, they turn off their damn phone before takeoff because they know it might be their own ass they are saving. It is the ignorant…or as we call them “the hillbillies”(that would be me) who don’t have a clue, that cause all the trouble.

“You started this hateful exchange over what??? a funny comment I made regarding electronic devices inflight….certainly nothing to debate about..which means you must have a bone to pick…or a jealous one maybe..women laughing”

Southwest Airlines Frequent Flier Throws A Left Hook Upper Cut Combination:

“ALL OF MY FRIENDS are laughing at you right now because you seriously have no clue who you’re arguing with, Ms. Disgruntled Flight Attendant.”

“I fly 3-4 times a week, every week. Your attitude is entertaining. Thanks for the service, for pouring my drinks, and the seat belt demo. You’re awesome. Now have a good night before you make even more of a fool out of yourself”

American Frequent Flier Chimes In:

” Cell phone use does not interrupt with any of the aircraft systems. The only reason valid reason they are banned is a few hundred people on cell phones would not hear an emergency announcement over the aircraft PA system.   FYI I am one of your(American’s) premium customers.”

Irrelevant Comment Troll Wants To Get High:

“I would pay extra for someone to drop a Xanax in the diet coke”

Disgruntled American Attendant Bites Nose Off Southwest Frequent Flier With Veiled Threats:

“That is part of the issue, but yes, the radar screen has gone blank before…due to cell phone transmission…or maybe that whole video thing at training was a lie so we would have a reason to be “mean” to you…..the main thing is…it isn’t your call!!!  Nor mine for that matter! Its a regulation and you don’t have a vote in it but are expected to honor. I didn’t make the regulation but could be personally fined for not enforcing it. Believe me, most of FAA rules are just plain stupid to me, but…it’s not my right to decide which I like and which I don’t.”

“All I did was make a funny comment about phone use in flight and YOU are the one that made it a big deal…as I said, if you truly were a frequent flier this never would have started…you clearly have issues with airline workers or authority or something….sorry they didn’t hire you…” “and I’m not too concerned about “all of your friends” but, I will make a note of your name, should you ever have the privilege of flying on American…my “friends” and I will make sure your trip is everything you deserve”(Was that a threat?)

Disgruntled  American Flight Attendant Leaves The Ring and Goes After Me (I admitted that on the way out on American I got up to get my computer before the fasten seat belt light was turned off)

“Yea you did(show a disregard for authority) Brian,(me) how fast would you have sued had you been thrown to the ceiling while you were up? My fa friend who didn’t get to her jumpseat soon enough after the capt said prepare for landing…took a lawyer to get AA to pay for her surgeries and 6 months absence…she wasn’t in her seat within the prescribed 3-5 minutes because passengers weren’t complying with prepare for landing requirements..”

Irrelevant Comment Troll Still Wants To Get High:

“No more sprite? what is this world coming to? now i am clearly the poor, inexperienced, uneducated and disgruntled. Can i get a double shot of Xanax?  I’m not sure it’s worth flying anymore.”

American Frequent Flier Drops A Bombshell:

“In the continuation of my role as resident Voice of Reason, I would like to caution you (disgruntled American flight attendant) against making what appears to be veiled threats against one of your potential passengers. While I haven’t researched the issue, I’m pretty sure the FAA would frown upon that as well. I assume that acting on such threats would result in a pretty hefty fine.”(I don’t know if the FAA would frown but I suspect her employer American certainly would)

Disgruntled American Flight Attendant Reaffirms Her Dedication To Her Job And To American Airlines Passengers Then Goes On Extended Rant:

“If you don’t feel obligated to observe rules designed for your safety, why should I care if you survive??? (WOW!! Did she just say that?)

“Truly, if they don’t turn off their headphone during takeoff or landing, I don’t say a thing..I might get fined, but hey,,,if they don’t want to protect themselves…maybe they’ll be lucky enough to get their pic in the paper wearing their lifevest backward, or some other dumbass situation.”

“So far from the voice of reason are you…please feel free to forward my comments or ‘threats’ to the FAA…all I said is we would be pleased to treat you as you so expect and deserved to be treated”

“All the FAA cares about is whether or not I told you’re non compliant self to sit down when the Seatbelt sign is on and turn off your cellphone for takeoff and landing…they could care less if you get a sprite or a coke…actually they would prefer we offer no service at all”

“And you can’t have your dog in the seat next to you because its another one of those stupid rules to protect the majority..unless it is a service animal, which I have seen all sorts…including a goose for a lady that couldn’t turn her neck.”

“Oh and the case of the lady who went berserk when she saw a pax had her cat in her lap…she supposedly was allergic and went into full-blown reaction, requiring oxygen, medical assistance, etc…guess who got blamed! The FAA who didn’t make the cat owner keep her cat in the bag”.(Lesson to all-NEVER let the cat out of the bag)

Innocent Bystander Tells Disgruntled American Flight Attendant She Is A Troll And To Shut The F**K Up!

“I never said you were making threats to me. I never said anything about Coke or Sprite or any other beverage. My comment was in reference to your post directed at another person who commented on Brian’s status.

Evidently, you are quite passionate about your job and take it very seriously and kudos to you for that! But it seems as though you also take YOURSELF a little too seriously.

Or, you’re just trolling…. And for the record, you will never have a chance to “make sure [my] trip is totally all [I] expect it to be” as I stopped flying AA years ago, mainly due to in-flight service related issues. And, yes, I observe the in-flight rules and regulations. While I am sure you are chomping at the bit (or foaming at the mouth) to call me a classless hillbilly, I assure you that none of the infractions that you’ve mentioned so far are applicable to me. ( I am actually the classless hillbilly since I got up when I should not have)

AA Frequent Flier Wants Blood!

” I sent all of her(Disgruntled American Flight Attendant’s) comments to Mr. Arpey at AA.” (She should be more worried about that than the FAA)

Disgruntled American Airlines Flight Attendant Develops Short Term Amnesia Forgetting Her Previous Rants:

“what is this…why so much animosity toward a person doing their job? what is it that makes one want to lash out at someone else? I have yet to yell at a grocery clerk about the price of milk or the dr’s receptionist for the price of an office visit?? It’s the same idea…and the whole thing started over a “Facebook” type joke about using a cellphone in flight…this is even more stupid than the breastfeeding in public discussion…

“What is so ironic about it this is that I am one of the easiest going people you would ever meet, and go above and beyond to make my passengers comfortable despite the limited resources”

“I have to work with these days…and yet I still feel I the need to defend myself against uncalled for defamatory treatment of my profession”.

It was getting ugly on “Planet Facebook”.   Much safer to be Twittering At 30 Thousand Feet.